A poor college student works at a hotel.

I remember fondly working in a hotel for a time. I used to play this game where if a guest was being truly beastly to us (i’m talking Skeletor evil here), I would ask them if they needed any help carrying their bag. If they said yes (the most foul people…

Mwa-ah-ah.

So tired. I had my recurring nightmare last night where I’m trying to file my taxes and The Count from Sesame Street is my accountant.

Que pasa?

Sometimes I think it would be cool if everyone wore sombreros. Then I realize how awkward it would be peeing in the men’s room while your sombrero is touching another dude’s sombrero.

What a time to be alive.

Yesterday I whipped out my smartphone, used an app to locate and reserve a nearby car2go rental car and got walking directions to it. As I approached the electric car I held up an NFC card to unlock it through the windshield and without a key. I got in and drove away while speaking…

The Age of Consumerism

Yesterday I saw a review on Yelp complaining about the food at Denny’s.

Complaining, about the food, at Denny’s.

The food…at Denny’s.

Denny’s, people.

Denny’s.

I was an impressionable child.

I remember the time I thought the Ronald McDonald statue sitting on the bench was like Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, and could move again if someone applied special sauce to his joints. I don’t envy the employees who discovered my attempt to free him.

A culture of efficiency.

People often cite the speed and efficiency with which Native Americans of the Plains would move entire tribes from camp to camp, but I think it’s important that we don’t overlook the transportation efficiency demonstrated time and time again by Circus Clown-Americans.