CHILDHOOD TRAUMA | HEALING
What Does it Take to Heal Childhood Trauma?
Mistreated Children grow up to be dejected and broken adults.
Trigger warning: This article contains descriptions of emotional upheaval, self-harm, and suicide. Read with care, fearless community.
You understand, earlier experience in life has lifelong consequences.
At a distance, don’t you think that maybe you’re living in the aftermath of your childhood trauma?
Or maybe you’re not!
After all, your early childhood experience has a lot to say about the path, journey, or career you pursue as an adult.
My Close Observation
I had a best friend growing up. Let’s call him SAM. He used to be in the same neighbourhood as mine.
He was the overachiever. He was a school topper and was always the winner at any sports, quizzes and other ECAs (Extra-Curricular Activities).
We used to play together, study together or even spend the weekend and vacation together.
His father was an alcoholic. He felt like his father didn’t care about him, his siblings, or his mother.
We often plan our future together, living in the same neighbourhood and raising our kids collaboratively.
While discussing our dreams as a kid, he said, “I will never be an alcoholic like my father. He is an abusive, insecure, and evil man. He makes my mother cry all night.”
Honestly, I was aware of those scenes going on in his home. The noise was disturbing the entire society.
Later, as needed, different colleges, different locations and even different goals in life make us distant from each other. I think that’s the part about growing up.
Notwithstanding, we met each other last year in his childhood home. Meeting him felt different from what I expected him to be doing in his adulthood.
He had become a drunkard.
Sam said, “I haven’t told you about this but, girl! I’ve been secretly drinking alcohol since childhood.”
He took his eye off me. Looking at those mountains outside. He added, “I did it because I wanted to know what is it in it that my father does anything for it but us.”
It made me speechless. I didn’t speak a word. In fact, I was there only looking for my old friend.
Then he said, “I’m sorry, I’m doing this, but I can’t stop it now. I’ve come so far. Don’t judge me. Just let me live my life this way.”
It flipped the typical image of my friend’s future self that I kept on my head upside-down.
I mean, he was my inspiration. His company and his words inspired me to lead the young me in a better direction. I learned sports and even studies better with his help.
Now, I am finding him on the opposite side of the game. At that very moment, I wished I could have helped him. Despite being unaware of anything that I saw in him now, before.
Have I tried helping him as an adult?
Without a doubt, I did everything I could.
Did it work?
I’m sorry to say this. It didn’t work.
Why you shouldn’t blame yourself for not being able to heal them?
I realized later that, In order for you to help them, “they should be willing to be helped.”
I know that everyone’s experience with trauma is unique. That’s what makes mental health a little too complicated.
The environment, genes, generational experience and all your experiences shape the way you feel and behave.
The interaction you have with your teacher.
The fights with classmates.
The “play” with neighbour kids.
The way your parents spoiled or ignored you.
The way neighbour aunt made you, “believe that child comes from stone.”
The way your uncle shames you, “for not being a perfect kid.”
The way your only friend rejected to involve you in his team.
The way your sister took your piece of food.
Every little thing affects your demeanour. It’s all in your subconscious. 99% of who we are comes from our subconscious mind.
Can you think about it for a moment? You do most of the activity and make almost every decision subconsciously.
You don’t even know why you love the colour red and hate green.
You don’t know why is your sexual preference European and not American.
You have no idea why you like short hair when most girls love long.
Likewise, you don’t know why you like to keep your nail short and avoid nail polish.
Most of the time you don’t know why you act a certain way, love a certain food, or have a particular attachment style.
Have you ever wondered why you’re acting the way you’re?
I wondered about it a lot either!
And yeah, I understand the dynamic a little through reading a book called “It didn’t start with you by Mark Wolynn”.
This book explains in detail how your grandmother’s, mother’s and other ancestors’ experiences have a huge impact on you.
There’s a reason for this.
It’s either your intergenerational experience or your childhood one.
If that was trauma. It’s your trauma response.
If not, you’re biased. It’s okay, in this case, because we humans are naturally shaped this way.
We can do nothing about this except accept it and not disguise people, and not appreciate them enough solely based on this.
Why you can’t heal them?
The only person who can help you to heal from a traumatic experience is “YOU” yourself.
Healing is only possible only when you’re ready to heal yourself.
Let’s play a game here.
So, can you stop reading this article for a minute and look around the place you’re in?
Take your time. Spot everything that is colour red. You can take more time if you need.
That’s it. Please give me your attention back or you can close your eyes.
Try to remember everything that was colour green.
Without looking around. Did you remember any one of the things that were colour green?
Oh dear, I caught you. Don’t you even dare to cheat on this?
You may feel like the task makes no sense. Your job is finished but not my explanation.
Be honest.
I bet you didn’t answer this question.
Explanation of GAME
with this explanation, I’m trying to Make Sense of the Game that Didn’t make sense to you earlier.
See, you only see what you give your attention to.
You only noticed the colour read and were able to spot it because you gave all your heart to find one.
However, you didn’t see green although it was there the whole time. It’s because you completely forget to acknowledge that it was there.
If you only focus on trauma and suffering, you’ll always suffer. If you focus on sadness, you’ll live a sorrowful life.
Nevertheless, you have a choice to make. Either to spot trauma or healing. Either to be happy or sad. Either to be an addict or an achiever.
Final Thought
Look, you are all you have.
It can take more than 100 tries for healing. It is relative and not absolute.
What if you tried and overcome it?
Or, What if you tried 99 times? And you gave up right before 1 try for you to achieve something great.
What if you come across the thought, “ I could have healed myself If I have made just one more try.”
Don’t let your momentary feeling stop you from trying.
Try and try and try and try and try and try and try and always try.
Make your journey fun. Live every moment as humanly as possible.
And don’t try to make it perfect. It’s not always black and white.
It’s sometimes red. Sometimes black. Sometimes pink. Sometimes yellow. Sometimes blue. You never know.
I’m sure you’ll heal yourself better.
Good wishes bestie.
