They Are Not “The One That Got Away” — They Are a Perfect Stranger
The difference might change everything
The honeymoon stage of a relationship can really mislead us.
It can have us daydreaming about a person that doesn’t even exist — a fake person we invented in our heads instead of the decidedly imperfect flesh-and-blood person.
It’s kinda strange to think that we miss an imaginary person.
But it happens all the time. It’s happened to me, and it’s probably happened to you at some point in our life, too.
They are not “the ones that got away.” They are “perfect strangers.”
The Illusion of “The One That Got Away”
When someone leaves during the high-emotion, idealistic stage of a relationship (i.e., the Honeymoon Phase), we can often mistake them for our soulmate.
This can create a false memory of what was never truly real.
Bizarro, I know.
The honeymoon stage is characterized by feelings of passion and infatuation. We are filled with dopamine and oxytocin which creates an illusion that this person is perfect in every way.
Of course, no one is actually perfect.
Yet, our chemical delusion fuels our romantic expectations and can prevent us from seeing any potential flaws that may arise later on as the relationship progresses.
Except, the relationship never did progress.
It ended.
“I’m fully committed to this relationship for the entire honeymoon period.” — Someecards, Pinterest
We cannot predict who will be “the one”, but it’s important to recognize that even if someone leaves during the honeymoon stage, it does not necessarily make them “the one who got away.”
It is important to examine all aspects of a relationship.
Avoid making snap judgments based on the initial euphoria that often comes with relationships in their early stages.
It’s easy to feel nostalgic about people we once loved, but it can be dangerous to romanticize memories without fully understanding why things didn’t work out long-term.
When someone leaves during the honeymoon phase, it’s easy to misinterpret their supposed “perfection” for “being the one.”
Next time you find yourself drawn to thoughts of “the one who got away,” look at the situation objectively — consider both positives and negatives — before you convince yourself they were indeed your soulmate.
This, of course, doesn’t mean that the other person is bad.
It just means that they are human.
Why They Are Really Just a Perfect Stranger
We convince ourselves that this person is now “the one who got away” because we viewed them as perfect, and never had the opportunity to get to know them well enough to see their flaws.
However, it’s important to understand that if someone leaves during the first few months (or even year) of a relationship, they were never truly “known.”
This is because there are certain life events or milestones which help us identify whether or not someone is compatible with us in the long term.
Without getting past these stages and reaching a deeper understanding, we cannot accurately predict how our relationship will fare against time.
It is well known that it usually takes up to three to six months (and sometimes up to a year) before both parties can really get to know each other well enough in order to determine whether they are compatible on a deeper level.
This means that if somebody leaves within 3–6 months after initially meeting, they might still be more of an emotional acquaintance than anything else.
This is why they could also be called a “perfect stranger.”
If you feel like you’ve lost out on something special then look back upon what you did share with your partner.
If 100% of your memories are all rosy and good, stop to pause and reflect.
Ultimately, don’t let yourself become fixated on what could have been because hindsight sometimes only provides an incomplete picture.
Just Because It Wasn’t a Bad Breakup Doesn’t Mean They Are “The One”
Breakups don’t always have to be dramatic or traumatic.
Sometimes they can be amicable and even positive. But just because it wasn’t a bad breakup, doesn’t mean that your ex was “the one”.
While there may have been something special about the relationship, it doesn’t necessarily equate to a lifetime commitment.
In some cases, it could have been something that you needed in order to grow and learn from, with both of you eventually moving on from one another for personal growth.
It is important to recognize this as part of the process.
Rather than dwelling on the idea of what could have been, acknowledge the journey and positive experiences.
A good breakup is just a good breakup.
You can be good people in a good relationship and still decide to end things on a good note.
Not every person that is not “your person” needs a bad breakup.
Also, your next relationship does not need to compete with your previous one.
Take each new person as they come rather than compare them with those who came before them.
Be grateful for your past but don’t get trapped there.
Final Thoughts
It’s pretty common that we romanticize our first love.
Truth be told, our first love might not be our best love, although the first of anything is often elevated in our minds. Think of first steps, first words, first dates, first divorces (oops, how did that slip in there lol).
Other posts you might like:
- Slow-Burn: The Sexy Slo-Mo Pace of Shockingly Good Relationships
- The Problem With Red Flags Is That I’m Attracted to Them
- Treating Your Partner Well Isn’t a Favor
Don’t miss my next article — join my Medium email list
*This article was inspired by a TikTok video (I can’t remember which one)
