The Monthly Re-Up: April 2021
“Let’s go baby. Gonna be a hell of a story.”
April feels like it might have been the fastest month of my life. I almost considered making these weekly re-ups, but monthly makes more sense because it feels like months are weeks now. This is probably bad for a number of things, unless you’re someone who is eager to get along to May. I know there’s a lot of May-heads out there. Aunt May, May Day, May 8th being the only date you can pronounce with one syllable. Special times.
Anyway, let’s hit the categories.
L.S.U., A.D.
Folks, I bring you the good news that Saoirse Ronan had a birthday on April 12. I usually associate that date with being some combination of a part of the Titanic’s journey to doom and the opening of Fenway Park. Although, I may be conflating those with the year of 1912. Feel free to fact check me. After all, the only fact checking I’m doing in this section is to ensure that Saoirse actually was born on April 12. And she was. She’s now twenty-seven years old, so it’s the dreaded year for any celebrity. I’m sure she’ll be fine, though. I don’t get the hard and fast lifestyle vibes from Saoirse.
To be fair, a lot of that impression does come from those Vogue seventy-two question things. Those are very sanitized (not enough to keep the house visits rolling through the pandemic), though. Also, I’m not sure if it is actually seventy-two questions, but it feels right. Especially since it’s the inverse of Saoirse’s age. Again, feel free to fact check me.
In actual news news for Saoirse Ronan, The French Dispatch seems like it’s slated to debut at the Cannes Film Festival, which begins on July 6. I know a lot of people were excited to see No Time to Die and Black Widow, but the pandemic delays for The French Dispatch have been the most disheartening to me. The movie reunites Saoirse with Wes Anderson, y’all! I mean, what else are we doing with movies if we’re not doing everything we can to make this the most acclaimed Cannes bow of all-time? I don’t care about hyperbole. She needs the Oscar.
The Journal Stays in the Picture
There was a lot of movie news in April, so I did my best to pare down the collection to what I felt was most important. Obviously, I have to lead off with this.
Yes. Finally. Lionsgate stopped dragging their feet and they released the full video of Jamie Dornan singing “Edgar’s Prayer” from Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar, which is — so far — the best movie of 2021. The song has been available via soundtrack for a bit, but the full experience shines when he earnestly sings, “Seagulls in the sand, can you hear my prayer?” in those preppy beach outfits. That’s what movie magic is all about. I will watch this one thousand times.
I’m not wholly certain about how eligibility windows work at the Oscars, but it seems like “Edgar’s Prayer” was a part of the 2020 calendar and not the upcoming one, which means the Best Original Song hopes may have already lapsed. It’s a shame because no other Oscar nominee includes the lyric, “Seagull on a tire, can you hear my prayer?” Alas, I put all my energy into willing an Oscar nomination into existence for “Husavik” from Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga, the best narrative film of 2020.
That did end up paying off and — for a brief moment — I really believed in my soul that “Husavik” was going to win the award. Instead, the award went to one of those “Pass Go and Win an Oscar” songs written for the credits of a movie with no relevance to the actual story and the Oscars proved they will always be on the wrong side of the barometer of film history. What is the point of the category if “Husavik” isn’t going to win? I swear, man. It was one of the only good parts of movies in 2020. At least Karen Han gets me.
Fortunately, those lovely folks in Iceland got to have their moment during the pre-show of the Oscars with a nighttime dreamscape, fireworks, and a children’s choir subbing in for Will Ferrell. It is my favorite performance at the Oscars since Hugh Jackman exhausted himself while yelling about Richard Nixon. Just watch this video. All the Icelandic folks wanted was to sing their song and win a trophy. They should be allowed to do that.
Speaking of the Oscars, it was an absolute fuck show. I’m hoping I’ve got another fifty or sixty years in my life and for — hmm — all of them, I will think about how the last forty minutes of the 93rd Academy Awards progressed.
For a while, it seemed like everything was going really smoothly! The show had an intimate feel like one of those early ceremonies where nothing was televised and everyone got sloshed after fifteen minutes of trophies getting doled out. It was at a train station! There was no awkward play-off music. The only bad part was Clayton Davis on the red carpet and that is very easily overlooked in favor of good things happening, like Daniel Kaluuya becoming an Oscar winner.
And then everything went haywire. And yes, I choose the term, “haywire,” to allude specifically to the fact that the vibes of Steven Soderbergh were all over this ceremony. As a new producer of the show, Soderbergh promised to craft the show as if it was one of his movies. Presenters were cast members; aspect ratios were changed; camerawork was actually considered. It seemed great!
Then, suddenly, Soderbergh’s production (whether he was either pressured to do or he just really likes Lil Rel Howery) shifted into classic Oscars gimmick territory as Lil Rel patrolled the audience and asked them trivia about past winners of Best Original Song, which led to Glenn Close ardently explaining the history of “Da Butt.” Sure. Fine. Questlove is the DJ, after all. Even if it was a scripted moment, Close and Howery still sold it well enough. It’s probably good to give her a bit, too, considering she’s now been nominated eight separate times and lost all of them. I hope that never happens to Saoirse.
The bit went on for so long that the In Memoriam segment flew by at two and a half speed, left out Jessica Walter, and crushed any hope that the Oscars would actually come in under three hours long. Which would have been fine if they’d at least ended on a high note, right? Like I try to do with this column? That whole octave bit you’ll eventually get to if you keep reading?
Well, fortunately every Oscars ceremony ends with the award for Best Picture, so that’s always a triumphant way to go out. Except, Soderbergh really decided to flex on audiences and throw out Best Picture with twenty minutes still remaining in the ceremony! It went to Nomadland, which is well beside the point because everyone who cares about movie statues collectively had a meltdown that the time-honored traditions had been tampered with.
Soderbergh clearly had a “fuck tradition” mindset with these Oscars, which I loved. I loved seeing Best Picture get trotted out early because I never thought the Oscars would actually try something. It just seemed impossible. Unthinkable! Almost as unthinkable as Chadwick Boseman actually not winning posthumously for his turn in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom.
When Best Picture came out before Best Actor, though, it seemed like a Boseman victory was guaranteed. That truly seemed like the better note to go out on: paying tribute to someone who became a legend in film and still had so much more to give. It would’ve been fine, but Soderbergh’s massive, Howie Ratner-level gamble backfired immensely when Frances McDormand reigned in her howling to a stone-faced Joel Coen and Joaquin Phoenix came out to present the Best Actor award to — huh? — Anthony Hopkins, who’d currently been snoozing for the past two hours like the king he is.
There was an audible vacuum ripped into Union Station as if someone shattered a window on a space shuttle and everyone remained silent. Hopkins wasn’t there to accept. The camera cut back to Joaquin, who essentially pulled the Grandpa Simpson hat meme. Then, we went over to Questlove, who threw us right out of the ceremony and into local news coverage. It was the work of a true auteur and quite possibly the only thing to rival the Moonlight/La La Land debacle.
This leaves me with two questions about Steven Soderbergh, both of which might actually answer one another.
One: Do we now have to consider the 93rd Academy Awards as a part of Soderbergh’s oeuvre?
Two: Was Soderbergh only producing the Oscars as a way to pull off a stealth sequel to the Ocean’s franchise? Think about it. Clooney’s Midnight Sky was nominated. Brad Pitt was there to reminisce about Cliff Booth and be loved by Youn Yuh-jung. Matt Damon is currently in Australia, but still. This is Soderbergh we’re talking about. At the very least, he got B-roll footage of the ceremony and will eventually craft Ocean’s Fourteen out of the gang trying to steal Trent Reznor’s Oscar. Putting Best Actor last was just a front so Soderbergh could distract us from the movie he wanted to make. It would be the greatest movie of all-time. And if he did do that, then yes, these Oscars are a part of his filmography and must immediately soar to his pantheon. He wanted the ceremony to be a movie; it ended like Haywire.
And if anything else could top that in terms of April’s movie news, it’s this:
They finally get to go to space.
Television Forever
Speaking of going to space, the season two finale of For All Mankind recently etched itself as the best episode of television in 2021 so far. We’re a third of the way through the year already, so there’s still time for the episode to be usurped, but for now, “The Grey” has the belt. I don’t even want to dig too deeply into it because I don’t want to spoil it. Just go watch it. Apple TV+ has quality over quantity right now and For All Mankind is worth your time. Between The Right Stuff, Moonbase 8, Avenue Five, and Space Force, it seemed like there was just no way forward for a solid space show on television. Thankfully, For All Mankind is not only a stellar space series, but it might just be television’s best drama. We’ll investigate closer to Emmy season.
Speaking of Apple, the show that might be the best comedy airing right now, Ted Lasso, is coming back — sooner than anyone anticipated! (Except for Bill Lawrence, I suppose.) These days, television restrictions and schedules are so loose that it almost seems rare to have shows bow new seasons within a year of the previous season. (Take, for example, that — pandemic or not — the final season of Better Call Saul was going to come out so long after the fifth season that it wouldn’t be eligible for the subsequent Emmy ceremony.) Yet, Ted Lasso is on its way back to Apple on July 23! It began its first season on August 14, 2020 and ended it on October 2. So it’s coming back so soon! I welcome it! Here’s the trailer. Call it a young Brie Larson, because it’s going to be a hoot.
While I welcome the early/surprise return of Ted Lasso this summer, the majority of the shows I love are those that seem to take long gaps in between arcs. In this case, April 2021 revealed two new trailers for follow-up seasons of some of the greats and I’m trying to do my best to appreciate the fact that new seasons are upcoming for both of them because who knows when they’ll come ‘round again?
I’m speaking, of course, about Master of None (gone since May 2017) and High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (gone since January 2020). But they’re both coming back for May and, because streaming service hate marketing more than a month ahead of time, we now have trailers for both of them! I figured HSM was due for a return, but the Master of None reprise truly shocked me. Part of me really believed Aziz was done! I would like to be proven wrong about more things. Let’s see. How about Ron Moore will never actually get that Magic Kingdom universe up on Disney Plooos. It’s impossible! Up to you now, Bobby Iger. Prove me wrong.
Lastly, I was feeling deeply emotional this April over something I did not expect! HBO announced a number of celebratory elements to mark the ten-year anniversary of Game of Thrones’ debut. I didn’t start watching the show until around 2015 or 2016, so it’s not quite as impactful for me as I’m sure it is for many others. However, I still felt unexpectedly walloped at the idea of such a celebration coming to the forefront. Thrones really is such a special series and I’m heartened to see people marking the iron anniversary and all the fun memories we shared in Westeros. All of us. Unanimously. Nothing more needs to be said!
I also finished my television countdown in April, if you want to check out the full list! It was a whole thing!
The Month in Music (Read: Taylor Swift)
It’s actually not all about Taylor Swift this month! I’m hesitant to go too deeply into some of the albums I’ve been listening to (Charlotte Lawrence, Lana Del Rey, if you’re truly curious) because I don’t want to give away everything for when I eventually rank my favorite albums of the year. Fortunately, though, albums are not the only way that music can be in the news. Obviously, I was aware of this, but I think it’s important to let you know, too. Were you aware of this thing called TikTok? The teens love it and the teens are usually always right about what is good in hip culture.
There are two things I need to remark about with this video. One, it’s incredibly accurate and it shows how some people have magical ears where they can hear opportunities to pin musical styles together or string up the chord structures present across a whole bunch of pop songs. I’ll never be able to do it because I can only play piano via muscle memory, but I’m always happy to share people who can. Like the New Hope Club! Did you know they’re verified on TikTok? They are more famous than any of us ever will be. (Except, of course, for dear reader Leonardo DiCaprio — Hi LDC!)
The other thing is that this video might be the best argument against those annoying people who say that Harry Styles is just a teeny bopper who will never make music like the geniuses behind The Beatles did. Not only were The Beatles also once teeny boppers, but the Styles song fits Beatles melodies perfectly. Maybe pop music just keeps rolling, y’all.
Of course, we also need to talk about the month Taylor Swift had. Sure, it might have ended with her legions of fans/basket cases having a collective breakdown at the idea that a surprise third quarantine album would be dropping on midnight of April 30, but it started out with the celebration for Fearless (Taylor’s Version). Yes, the album is a pitch-perfect, gorgeous revisit to an era that helped define so much of her stardom. But there’s something much more important we need to discuss:
Forget about the fact that “Mr. Perfectly Fine” is already a pantheon-level TS song and an unthinkable exclusion from the original Fearless (it’s seriously the best song on the whole album). We all know she’s a musical genius whose vault songs are better than anything we’ll ever write. We all know I’ve listened to this over fifty times already and will forever associate it with April 2021, a period of time I’ve already become nostalgic for (Jesus, Dave). But the most important thing is that this is a song about Joe Jonas. And it is quite scathing. And Sophie Turner put it in her Instagram story with the caption, “It’s not not a bop.”
“Invisible String” tells us Swift and Joe have long since made up after their scorching young romance imploded. It was just very amusing, to me, to imagine Joe Jonas waking up, stretching his neck muscles, and eating a bowl of Boo Berry cereal — only to check his phone and see that Taylor Swift has, almost completely unprompted, released a song about the text message break-up she endured with him. Poor Joe. Somebody check on Jake Gyllenhaal. He’s not allowed to leave the country before Red (Taylor’s Version) drops.
Sports Corner (Threes)
I have good news in the world of sports this month. Folks, the Boston Red Sox are good. I’m still struggling to fully dive back in with the team after they erased my favorite outfield (Mookie Betts, Andrew Benintendi, Jackie Bradley, Jr.), but as I type this, the Red Sox hold the best record in the entire MLB at 17–10. Is it sustainable? Maybe not at this pace. I still don’t believe they’re true World Series contenders, but I’m just mostly relieved that the baseball season won’t be a frustrating wash. It’s been a month now! It’s not a fluke. They’re in the mix and it’s going to be a ton of fun and I’m thankful for it. We partially owe this to the fact that Alex Cora is a far better manager than Ron Roenicke (it’s a Miles Teller to Ryan Gosling in La La Land-level upgrade), but also to the fact that the recently-retired Dustin Pedroia narrated the Opening Day hype video and it made me cry.
The other part of Boston sports that got me teary eyed this month was Julian Edelman’s announcement that he’d be retiring from the New England Patriots. Like Pedroia, Jules was a short, scrappy white athlete who reminded me of myself when I was a kid and became an instant role model. I remember wandering the halls of my middle school in a daze in the first real breakout game for Jules when he established himself as a reliable punt returner for the team. I didn’t expect he’d become one of the most important position players of the dynasty, of course, but I was woozy at the prospect of a special teams player lighting up the field in a way we hadn’t seen since Devin Hester.
Everything Edelman did since those early seasons is well-established at this point and I’d like to celebrate them without immediately cramming it through the lens of “Is he a Hall of Famer?” Everyone made up their mind on that the minute he became a Patriots legend. But Edelman was Super Bowl MVP! He won three titles with us! He’s second place on most postseason record lists for wide receivers (behind Jerry Rice)! Most importantly, though, Edelman made one of those flying circus catches that seem to only ever happen in Super Bowls the Patriots play (David Tyree, Mario Manningham, Jermaine Kearse). It’s such an insane play and I’ve seen it probably over one hundred times and it still sends throbbing ripples throughout my brain. I don’t even have the precision or aim to park into a parking spot, but he had the focus enough to catch a ball twice without letting it hit the ground and with four monster athletes hanging all over him. Just watch the play.
Watch it again.
Savor the, “Oh, that’s a catch!” call. Savor the fact that it was nearly intercepted. Savor that it was part of the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history. Savor the fact that Edelman didn’t even seem fully convinced that he caught it at first and only started bragging when the Jumbotron helped him out. Savor the fact that this was a routine when you’re a New England Patriots fan. How will Mac Jones fare? I don’t know. But these past eras will always be the most special and Edelman was a massive part of it. Thank you for everything, Julian Edelman.
Between Pedroia, Edelman, and Nick Markakis, I’m rapidly losing a lot of my favorite athletes from growing up. Stephen Curry better keep putting out mini miracles for the Warriors. I can’t lose him, too. And for the love of God, someone protect Roger Federer.
Unpopped Culture
Let’s run down the latest menu item additions to our most passable restaurant chains here in the U.S.
- Shake Shack is now offering sliced avocado options for all of its burgers and sandwiches. Coupling this with the fact that The Original Chop Shop is now offering avocado shakes, it might be tempting for the true avocado backlash to begin from more than just those who feel the need to mock millennials while the alleged greatest generation rips apart our various atmospheric layers. But I hope avocado dishes and meals become more normalized. Not to the cringey point of bacon when everyone wore t-shirts that said, “Mmm, Bacon,” like it was the height of comedy. But to the point where guacamole will stop costing two extra dollars compared to every other condiment. (The “Is guacamole a condiment?” debate is for another day. Go find out if Die Hard is a Christmas movie while you wait.)
- Voodoo Doughtnut is now offering a ramen doughnut. If this sounds wacky to you, you’re probably not exceptionally familiar with Voodoo because they do meth-energy shit like this all the time. They’ll throw out pickle and ketchup doughnuts, Bomb Pop doughnuts, mashed potato doughnuts. They really don’t give a fuck. I just thought it was worth mentioning as an alternative to the two-doughnut chicken sandwich at KFC. Please practice self-care.
- Besides, there are still plenty of options for jacking up your cholesterol in a table service setting, so it feels healthier. Take, for example, the fact that Cracker Barrel is now selling beignets. The only shocking thing about that fact is that they didn’t do it sooner.
Funth
It was announced on April 5 that Yahoo! Answers would officially be shut down on May 4. In terms of archival purposes, it’s not ideal. But for the memes, it was great. And for stopping the spread of some really upsetting white supremacy questions, it was even better. Let’s take a look through some of the best reactions to the news.
Like Salmonsole, we will never forget all they did for us.
Great Articles to Read about Some Serious News
From Rebecca Leber of Vox: “How Biden could actually deliver on his climate goals.”
From John Blake of CNN: “The look in Derek Chauvin’s eyes was something worse than hate.”
From Everytown: “President Biden’s Executive Actions on Gun Safety Will Save Lives.”
I would also like to mention two deaths that saddened me in particular this April. One was rapper, producer, and actor DMX and the other was Apollo 11 command astronaut Michael Collins. DMX’s music is not something I know a lot about, but he had so many fans and was clearly a revolutionary talent for a genre that was in flux when he first arrived on the scene. Listen to this, though. It’s easily one of the best “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” covers. DMX loved to have fun and I think it’s important to remember the fun the people who pass had.
For another, yes, Michael Collins is a shimmering example of a man whose brilliance encouraged the entirety of mankind to dream beyond what we thought we were capable of. Yes, he was once considered the “loneliest man in the universe.” But he was also a human being with a sense of humor who just loved to have a laugh even in the midst of something as paralyzingly imperative as the fucking moon landing.
This is how it should have gone.
The Seventh Octave
Disneyland is finally open again, which is one of the most reassuring sentences I never thought I’d have to type. The company is also letting cast members sport tattoos for the first time. As someone who used to work for Disney and currently has a tattoo still, I don’t wish those long sleeve undershirts on anyone. (Imagine if I was one of those weird college debt people who thought everyone who came after me had to suffer the same way I did, lol.) The best news in the world of theme parks in April, though, was not about the reopening of an entire park. Rather, it’s about the reopening of an entire attraction. I want to celebrate the good things theme parks do! (In contrast from a writer like Josh Spiegel, who can be insightful, but can often have tunnel vision that his opinion is the only one that matters, which tends to cloud some of his writing, in my opinion. Still worth checking out his Make Mine Music piece, though.)
We’re getting there!
