When Silence Isn’t Golden in Relationships
Speaking up is a better option
Sometimes sitting in the silence with your partner can be enjoyable. But other times, silence can be a problem — especially if you’re using it to hurt your partner or get your own way. To find out the effects of the silent treatment on relationships, and the damage this behavior can cause, I spoke to Anita A. Chlipala, LMFT, author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love.*
How would you define the silent treatment in relationships?
The silent treatment is a deliberate lack of engaging with your partner on any meaningful level in order to punish, manipulate, or control them. This can go on for hours, weeks, or even months.
What are the effects of the silent treatment?
The consequences of the silent treatment include an increase in disconnection, a decrease in overall relationship satisfaction, and a decrease in sharing openly and being vulnerable, which also leads to a decrease in intimacy. The recipient of the silent treatment can experience anxiety and stress and feel like they can’t speak freely for fear of being punished. They might also unfairly carry more blame and more frequently apologize because they don’t want to experience the silent treatment any longer.
