How to Set Superior Goals & Enjoy Success with Fulfillment & Happiness

Published in

The Startup

5 min readJan 21, 2018

“Success without Fulfillment is the Ultimate Failure” ~ Tony Robbins

Most resolutions set at the start of new year lose their gravity within few weeks or months of the start of the year.

The initial enthusiasm of hitting the gym on start of the year fades away by the time February arrives. Your drive to start a new business or a side hustle as a resolution for the year doesn’t pull you any more after few months in the new year. Why is it so?

Why don’t we stick to what we set as a target?
Why do we start looking for motivation to do the very things, we were so excited about?

The answer lies in the quality of your goals.

The time you invest in selecting your goals on qualitative basis, less you need any motivation to start working on your goals — and more you stick with your goals for longer and better.

So, how do you test the quality of your goals?

There can be two categories of goals from the quality perspective as listed below. It would be beneficial to have a look at the different parameters that these goals address before we finalize our goals.

1. Extrinsic Goals

2. Intrinsic Goals

1. Extrinsic Goals

Extrinsic goals are the goals which are primarily focussed on the outside aspiration related to money, fame or beauty. Each of these aspirations requires validation from outside world. These goals help you achieve something outside of yourself. They have the metrics to define success dependent on the outside world.

They are about polishing your public image, becoming famous, getting rich, or seeking power over others. These goals are all about the prize at the end of the journey. They are more about attaining certain outcomes without focussing much or even neglecting the process involved.

2. Intrinsic Goals

On the other hand, intrinsic goals are all about doing or following something that’s personally meaningful to you. These goals address your core needs and wants — who you are as a person. They pertain to your passions, interests, and core values as well as your relationships and your personal growth.

Intrinsic goals satisfy your core human needs for relatedness, competence, and autonomy. They include goals about relationships, personal growth, physical health, self-acceptance, and contribution.

You goal is an intrinsic goal if it helps:

i. To create stronger relationship with like-minded people or giving back to the society.

ii. To give you a sense of autonomy i.e. it is something that is your passion or truly excites you. If no one forces you to do it and you can continue to do it for longer hours on your own, then it is intrinsic goal.

iii. To grow you personally i.e. if it is some skill you want to master and grow. It is something that makes you feel that you are good at something.

To put it simply, being intrinsically motivated means doing the thing for the thing itself. It’s about enjoying the doing, not just looking for the outcome.

Following could be some examples of extrinsic vs. intrinsic goals:

- Exercise to build muscles to show off to people is EXTRINSIC.

- Exercising to enjoy the feeling of fitness and vibrant health is INTRINSIC

- Studying solely for the purposes of getting grades and securing a job is EXTRINSIC

- Studying something you love exploring the subject and get deeper because you are passionate about the subject is INTRINSIC

It is worth referring the book Succeed, where Heidi Grant Halvorson’s explains the precise reasons for that as below:

“Psychologists Deci and Ryan argue that we turn to these superficial goals, these external sources of self-worth, when our needs for autonomy, relatedness, and competence are thwarted again and again. This can happen when we find ourselves trapped in situations that are too controlling (robbing us of our sense of personal freedom), over-challenging (robbing us of our sense of competence), or rejecting (robbing us of our sense of relatedness).

In other words, when we are under too much pressure or denied choices, when we feel we can’t do anything right, and when we are lonely and lack meaningful relationships with others, we turn to goals that aren’t very good for us as a kind of defensive strategy. “If I can’t get the love I need in my life, then I’ll become rich and famous and people will love me for that.” The irony, and tragedy, of this strategy is that the pursuit of fame, wealth, and popularity pretty much guarantees that your basic needs aren’t going to be met. These goals are lousy substitutes for the goals we really should be pursuing. They’ll keep you busy but never make you truly happy.”

Mark Twain wisely stated below about power of intrinsic goals.