Aug. 25, 2016 — Bucket o’ Pence Edition

Mike Pence sat in the airport eating KFC. His flight was delayed. He had tried contacting United Airlines to see about a different itinerary, but gave up after being put on hold for 25 minutes.

Aug. 1, 2016 — Reawakening Edition

BREAKING NEWS

WASHINGTON — Sandwich pitchman and basketball forward Markieff Morris, presumed dead for nearly three years, was discovered Sunday night attempting to ride his hoverboard in Dupont Circle, according to law enforcement sources.

The Daily Markieff — Aug. 5, 2016 — Mailbag Edition

The Daily Markieff — Aug. 5, 2016

Eds. Note:

The Editors would like to thank you for participating in Week #1 of The Daily Markieff’s recent revival. We understand it has been a potentially…

The Daily Markieff — Aug. 9, 2016 — Hysteria Edition

It happened so fast. One moment — an item story in Politico. The next — mass hysteria over Trump’s alleged new strategy.

The headlines landed in the press with a fever that even drowned out Trump’s latest comment…

Aug. 2, 2016 — Morning After After Edition

A groggy Markieff rolled over, struggling to open his eyes as he fumbled for his iPhone. It was now two days after his discovery (he was previously dead for nearly three years) and the news had already sparked a firestorm of commentary from politicians…

Aug. 4, 2016 — Amtrak Edition

While beating the heat at Detroit’s Belle Isle Waterslide Park today, Markieff’s twin brother Mook felt his smartphone buzz. He put down his drink and dried the condensation from his hand before picking it up.

The Daily Markieff — Aug. 17, 2016 — Dog Days Edition

Markieff exited Trump Tower to meet a rush of hot air even more forceful than what he had experienced inside. He was surprised to see an enormous crush of reporters forming a sludge of teeming motion on the street corner in front of him.

The Daily Markieff — Aug. 10, 2016 — Comfy Beans Edition

FADE IN

INT. CAMPAIGN OFFICE — DAY

Bland beige walls surround a group of five blue and white colored beanbag chairs, upon which perch four young campaign aides dressed casually, one…

The Daily Markieff — Aug. 8, 2016 — Strategery Edition

(Today’s news comes to you via Politico, which reports on things like this.)

Former Dead Man Spotted Entering Trump Tower

Aug. 22, 2016 — Bloodless Beltway Edition

The following AP article ran in countless media outlets across America this morning:

To Reach the Dead, Washington Springs to Life