Aaron’s story
Coming out in the Digital Age
It was a summer night in July when I was checking my phone and got a push notification from Medium.
“Misconceptions of coming out” by Aaron Ledesma.
That got my attention.
Those closest to Aaron already knew his story. But the Medium post was Aaron’s digital coming out to anyone — including me — who saw it posted online or in social media.
As I heard Aaron’s words I was proud. This was the authentic voice of the Aaron I grew to know as a student, intern and even family photographer.
I was proud of him as a friend for being himself and courageously sharing this personal side of his identity. And honestly, as his former professor, I was equally as proud of his masterful writing, storytelling ability and social media skill.
That was just the beginning of his journey. Since then, he’s been invited to the White House during Pope Francis’ visit.
His story has been picked up on by ABC, CNN, MSNBC, AP, Al Jazeera and many others.
He was a staff pick on Medium and the White House deputy director of digital strategy tweeted his post and called it “very moving.”
As I told Aaron, he’s a virtual case study in how to own and tell your story.
Aaron’s story has resonated so much because he’s genuine, honest and a talented communicator. I’m not at all surprised by his ability. This is a message I sent to his supervisors back when he was a tour guide at Marquette University, before he even officially started working with me:
Gay or straight, anyone can learn from the lessons of Aaron’s digital coming out, from using analytics to improve storytelling to how to handle trolls.
I’m honored that Aaron did a Q+A with me about what this experience has been like for him spiritually, personally and professionally.
What did it feel like to hit “publish” on “Misconceptions of Coming Out”? How did you feel after the reaction?
Misconceptions of Coming Out was the first time I’ve written so openly about my experience as a gay man. It was a powerful moment for me. Never before had I felt so confident being who I am.
The best part was knowing that it had the potential to help others, not just the LGBT community but others who were interested in understanding our experiences.
This was the first post on the Gay Catholic, and the response has been overwhelming. More than 1,000 readers came to my blog to read about my experience, and the numbers have kept climbing ever since.
This just shows how many people out there are open to learning more about the LGBT life.
How does someone prepare to visit the White House during the Pope’s visit? What’s going through your head right now?
I’ll be honest, this is a first for me! My biggest concern is looking presentable at the White House. Preparations include: praying, a haircut, shaving my face, dry-cleaning, and more praying.
There’s so much going through my head right now. I’m still in shock by all of this.
Never did I anticipate that the White House would actually invite me to be there for the arrival ceremony.
This opportunity has reaffirmed my belief in both the American government and the Catholic Church because both have shown love and support for who I am as a person.
What do you hope to learn from this experience?
We’re never done learning. That’s something Marquette taught me. While I’ve learned a lot over the years about my sexuality and faith, I hope that this experience will teach me more about acceptance, love, compassion and understanding.
The world’s top leaders won’t be the only ones present, I’ll also be surrounded by fellow Catholics and members of the LGBT community who are on their own journey to reconcile their faith and sexuality. My hope is that I can learn from their journeys to enhance my own.
Why Medium? Why did you choose this method to tell your story?
I first learned about Medium from my mentor and friend Tim Cigelske. As an intern for Marquette’s Office of Marketing and Communication, Tim was always the one to share emerging social media trends.
He told me then that Medium was different from other blogging sites and that it was going to be the next big thing.
During the introduction, Tim described the platform as a place for authentic, compelling and reflective stories.
When I decided to put my thoughts into words about being an openly gay Catholic, I knew that Medium was going to host my story. Not only does it provide me a easy-to-use, professional platform, it also delivers analytics that help me understand how my content is being received. As a storyteller, stats can be a huge factor for future success.
Did the idea to start The Gay Catholic publication on Medium come before or after your initial post? What’s your goal for it?
Everything happened quickly after Misconceptions of Coming Out was published.
The responses I got showed me that people were very interested in a gay man’s life, but there was one angle that wasn’t talked about a lot which happened to be what I had the most thoughts about — being gay AND Catholic.
I did a lot of research before creating The Gay Catholic. I saw a handful of the LGBT community talking about also being a “Christian.” That was interesting to me.
Some of them go as far to suggest that switching denominations is a path to take. For me, that wasn’t the case.
That’s when I saw a need for someone to discuss being gay AND Catholic, and in a confident way. That’s when the goal and mission came about.
The Gay Catholic’s mission is to share my experience as an openly gay Catholic. This is my journey to reconcile my faith & sexuality in hopes that others can learn that they don’t have to abandon who they are for their faith, and that they don’t have to abandon their faith to be who they are. We can be gay and Catholic.
We all know the internet can magnify and spread a positive message but also give a platform to trolls. Have you experienced any negativity, and how do you handle that?
As someone who was in the closet for nearly a decade, who was bullied and was self-conscious about what others thought, I AM OVER IT. My life has so much peace and happiness because I have become proud of who I am. No one is going to bully me out of the Catholic church, and they certainly won’t be able to bully me to stop being myself.
My father told me growing up, “There will always be people out there that don’t agree with you. Instead of giving their words power, ignore them. If you do interact with them, kill them with kindness.” I think about that every time someone tries to bring negativity into my life. What they don’t realize is that it only gives me more strength and courage to continue sharing my story… because they are proving that it’s being heard.
To get nerdy for a minute, what kind of insights have you learned from the stats on Medium? How do you use those numbers?
Talk nerdy to me. I live for analytics. A wise mentor and friend once taught me that you can transform analytics into action. That means knowing stats can empower you as a writer to improve your work.
The numbers have been entertaining to watch. At first I had hundreds of reads, then thousands. Today, The Gay Catholic has more than 10,700 full reads. Based on the numbers, I’m seeing that 73% of my visitors are reading posts in its entirety. That’s not horrible! That allows me to ask important questions:
- Are my posts as clear as they could be?
- Are posts too long for readers that they lose attention?
- Am I not sharing something interesting enough?
Writers need to ask thought-provoking questions like this to improve and expand their work. Over time, you can learn who you niche audience is, what your most talented at writing about and how to write it to engage that audience.
Has this changed your views at all on the impact of social media? How does it feel to basically have your personal story go viral?
The impact of social media is something I’ve known about for a few years. It’s just so humbling to have been personally impacted by it. I’m still in shock that there are people out there interested in my story. My hope is that we can all use this opportunity to support one another and learn more about each others’ lives.
What’s your advice for others who might want to tell their own personal story, but don’t know how to start?
If you have a story you want to share, find the right angle. Be conscious of others out there telling a similar story. Discover your talents and use them to enhance the audience’s experience because you will only gain a large audience if you bring something to the table they haven’t experienced before. That’s why being authentic is everything.
In the end, don’t get caught up in the numbers. Even if you have five followers, you have the ability to change their lives, and that’s worth it.
You can follow Aaron’s journey to the White House and beyond at https://medium.com/@aaronjayledesma
