Riverdale: The Worst of The O.C. and Mad Men Had a Love Child
Season 2, Episode 4
Greetings, folks, and welcome to The Queue’s official coverage of Riverdale season two. The fourth episode of season two had Betty finally getting her Nancy Drew on, the beginnings of the predictable Bughead/Tughead love triangle, Archie parading around with guns, and more, so let’s dive in.
If you’re still catching up on what this is and who I am and what Riverdale is, I suggest this post, this post, and this post.
And here are my other recaps thus far: Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3.
And obviously, spoilers follow, so don’t read ahead if you hate knowing shit.
Episode Overview in Haiku Form
Y’all know I dig a haiku:
Archie fought a lot,
Alice Cooper does the most,
Betty’s in deep shit.
The 5X5
This section breaks down the top five things you need to know from this episode:
- Betty got a letter and code puzzle thing from the Black Hood. Let us pray that this is the beginning of her season two Nancy Drew shenanigans, because I’m trying to keep my eyelids from drooping. And just as I was typing this, Betty literally decoded that weird ass cypher with a Nancy Drew workbook, so it was meant to be.
- Archie became full-on vigilante, ending with some sort of Step Up-style street fight with a group of South Side Serpents. I’m serious, please google the finale scene of Step Up 2: The Streets and tell me those scenes don’t look similar.
- Veronica knows her dad is the shadiest, but Mark Consuelos and Marisol Nichols are still the most goddamn attractive couple ever.
- Alice Cooper continues to be the face of white privilege, though she does know how to rock side bangs. And as much as I like Mädchen Amick, her acting was a little over the top in this episode, to say the least.
- Are Cheryl Blossom and Josie McCoy still alive? Does anyone know? Should we put up wanted posters? Start a social media campaign? I think we’ve seen them for approximately 3.8 minutes this season.
Camila Mendes Eyebrows Update
Let me just say that Veronica’s eyebrows were on point when she was roaming around the school grounds in her Little Red Riding Hood (black hood?) cape.
The Most Interesting Thing Archie Did in This Episode
I’d say waving a gun around South Side territory is up there. At least the show illustrated some self-awareness when Veronica explained to her dad that Archie is earnest and naive and impressionable as hell. That only took, like, three and a half episodes.
Also, how did no one call the cops when Veronica shot a gun in a residential neighborhood? Seriously?
Artsy White Fuckboy Jughead Line of the Week
Nothing stuck out in particular in this episode, but that opening sequence of serial killers popping up all over the library was pretty funny and as B-grade horror film campy as it gets.
My roommate doesn’t watch Riverdale and happened to be eating dinner in our living room. Her only response to that scene was, “What the FUCK?!”
Pretentious Film Observation of the Week
I took exactly one film class in college during my freshman year and I’m trying to pretend I learned things from it that I still remember.
So, we’re four episodes in, and I’m just not feeling any sort of way about this season. I started talking about this last week, but for a television show to be good, there needs to be the right balance of character development and plot. Too many plot points with milquetoast characters and your show spontaneously combusts. (Think: First season of The O.C.) Too much character development but without any plot and the show drags on and on and on. (Think: Pretty much all of Mad Men.)
The problem with Riverdale so far is that it doesn’t have too much of one and not the other; it just doesn’t have enough of either. We’re juggling quite a few characters, and most of them aren’t particularly important or interesting. And once again I ask: Where on God’s great earth are Cheryl and Josie? And why have we seen more Dilton Doiley and Reggie Melton than two series regulars? Dilton getting stabbed in the leg with a switchblade doesn’t affect me; I don’t give a rat’s ass what happens to that dude.
The great thing about last season was that while the Riverdale is based on Archie and his worldview, we didn’t get only Archie; that universe didn’t feel Archie-centric when it easily could have. In contrast, this season it feels like everything revolves around Archie, who, as I’ve established numerous times, is undoubtably the most boring character on this show. Everyone else serves as a plot device for Archie as opposed to being their own people with their own stories, with some exceptions for Betty, Jughead, and Veronica — but even they have most of their storylines tied up in Archie’s. And therein lies the problem.
For example, what the hell is going on with Cheryl and that whole ordeal with her mother, whom she BURNED ALIVE? We seem to have completely dropped that narrative from the show for the time being. Why? Because it doesn’t directly serve Archie, the protagonist equivalent of white bread. Sheesh.
But hold on, folks. There is hope. The end of this episode picked up to the pace we were used to in season one — Betty and Jughead racing to decode the cypher, Archie and his band of Muscle Milk jockbros taking on the Serpents, Veronica shooting that gun Hiram-style in her black hood (not to be confused with the Black Hood, of course). It wasn’t a perfect 15 minutes, but I’d argue it was more interesting than what we’ve seen in the past 3.75 episodes.
Analysis ’n’ Stuff
This is the section where I give my random thoughts and track a few things throughout the series.
Tughead (Yeah, They Need a Different Couple Name)
Does anyone else feel like Toni Topaz is almost too obvious of a love interest for Jughead? She’s dark and twisty! She loves serial killers! She throws in numerous #FakeNews jokes! She makes obscure references that even most Gen Xers wouldn’t understand!
We all knew going into this season that Bughead wouldn’t be lasting forever, but does the driving force need to be a person who’s literally the woman equivalent of Jughead? Oh, what’s that noise? It’s me snoring.
(That said, I do like Toni as a character sans Jughead love interest plot. The girl serves her tea piping hot. She has a Swiffer ready to mop it up when she spills it.)
Where. Is. Cheryl.
Continuing on my annoyance with the lack of Cheryl this season: Cheryl appears to have been relegated to a small supporting role where she literally just hands out t-shirts. They could’ve at least had her shooting them out of a t-shirt cannon or something.
Let’s Talk Class
Socioeconomic status is a prominent part of this episode; the show’s hinted at class issues since the beginning of its first season, but it hasn’t always dealt with them quite as openly.
- Archie was able to procure a fake ID and buy weapons, ammo, and a holster, then casually walks around the South Side spray-painting building with reckless abandon before returning to his pleasant suburban home. And despite his personal issues with Sheriff Keller, he still doesn’t fear the police and instead thinks of them as his friends.
- Betty assumes the Black Hood is from the South Side and makes comments about how all the drugs and violence come from the South Side. Toni verbally flattened BCoops in 15 seconds: Drug dealers from the South Side are selling drugs because the wealthier North Side people buy them. BOOM.
There’s also been a lot of awkward metaphors surrounding the class discussion. It’s a civil war! It’s Romeo and Juliet! Though given the current political climate, it might not be best to compare things to a civil war. And as I’ve said before, the story of Romeo and Juliet ends…badly.
God Bless Kevin
His big line of the episode: “Betty’s ponytail is iconic and beyond reproach.” Well, I guess writers gave Kevin his big episode last week, so now he’s back to being the stereotypical sassy sidekick.
All right, I’m holding onto hope that next episode gets better. Let’s do this.
