Cold War II Cannot Happen If World Is Getting Warmer, Scientists Confirm
A team of international scientists today published a report stating that the “Cold War II” — involving mass geopolitical tension between pretty much the same culprits as before — is not likely to happen due to global warming.
“Well it’s simple, isn’t it,” stated the group lead, Swedish meteorologist and part-time cross-dresser Felix Augustsson. “You can’t have a Cold War if we’re all going to die from heatstroke.”
The report has confused many, and has met a mixed reaction. Sudanese citizen, Greg Sastranagara, said, “I started off celebrating. Then I got a bit depressed. Then I ate some ice-cream. Now I feel better.”
White House Press Secretary, Mr Sean Spicer, announced the Drumpf administration’s response to the report today. “I’m just going to go with saying it’s fake news and then astound you with another claim: pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza. That’s correct. Hey — what are you doing in here CNN? Didn’t I ban you?” he said.
Matt Querzoli’s Adventures in Blokedom is the satirical publishing arm of The Quintessential Q. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
