Swedes Stop Backpacking; Everyone Everywhere Outraged
Worldwide numbers of Swedish backpackers have reduced to zero, much to the mortification of single people everywhere. The vaunted collection of human travellers, whose Nordic looks and charm have graced the vomit-encrusted, bed-bug infested backpacker hostels for years, have stopped travelling because they’ve “seen everything.”
Margot Wallström, the Minister for Foreign Affairs, released a statement yesterday, saying that, “Swedes have seen everything and done everything. We’ve sort of decided you’re not as interesting as us, so we’ll be staying behind our own borders for now.”
Single people everywhere now are wondering what this will mean for them. Marcus Marcusson, a labourer from the Gold Coast, spoke to Adventures in Blokedom with tears streaming down his face. “What am I going to do now? I don’t want to settle for other girls. Please don’t make…me…settle…” he blubbered.
Courtney Ashton, 26, has even less hope. “So, what, we have to settle for Australian men now? They’re a bunch of pigs. At least the Swedish men had the looks to distract us from their piggery.”
Adventures in Blokedom have since learned that the Norwegians are looking to fill the gap left by the Swedes. The Finnish Foreign Office supplied no comment.
Matt Querzoli’s Adventures in Blokedom is the satirical publishing arm of The Quintessential Q. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.
