Can an Introvert Become an Extrovert?
A couple months ago, I was hanging out with my high school friends and we were reminiscing those times. One of them said to me, “I never thought you would end up being the outgoing partier of the group.” I was stunned. I might have changed a little bit since high school, but I still thought of myself as a shy, mousy introvert. Was I wrong? Is it even possible for an introvert to become an extrovert?
Technically, no. Our levels of introversion/extroversion are determined by our DNA. However, no one can be entirely introverted or extroverted. It’s completely possible for an introvert to act more outgoing. How can we do that?
I scoured some lists on the internet, and while some of their advice is questionable or extreme for me (“Challenge yourself to say yes to any and all invites for a set period of time”), a lot it is actually helpful. In fact, five tips stood out to me because they reminded me of situations I was in throughout college.
1. Pinpoint the icebreakers in the room
“Whether it’s a person’s interesting jewelry or the most eclectic item in a silent auction, choose a few items that are icebreakers and use them to your advantage. This works whether in a professional setting or at a singles bar.”
I despise icebreakers — at least the ones I’m forced to participate in school. However, this tip is still valid because like it or not, icebreakers can do their job: Break the metaphorical ice between strangers and allow them to talk to each other.
In a previous blog where I talked about how an introvert makes friends, I mentioned befriending someone because I noticed a sticker on her computer. It opened up a conversation where we bonded over the sticker subject, and she’s currently one of my best friends.
2. Allow re-charge time
“Many introverts will agree that while they like (some) people, they also need time to re-charge. If you have something coming up where you need to be an extrovert, allow for down time beforehand.”
What differentiates introverts and extroverts is how they get their energy. Extroverts recharge from being around people and high-stimulated settings, while introverts need solitude. The author of that advice stated she likes to take a nap before a business meeting or demonstration so she won’t be overwhelmed. While I don’t take naps, I do think having time alone before a busy could give you the energy needed to handle crowds and high-energy environments.
This is possibly why my recent trip to New York became increasingly unpleasant as the day continued. I had no recharge time even when I was walking by myself at one point thanks to the bustling New York crowds. As a result, I had little-to-no tolerance for any small talk, had an introvert hangover, and spent the rest of the weekend with little-to-no contact with anyone outside my family. Once I had alone time, I was ready to chat with other people again.
3. Have a few anecdotes at your fingertips
“Everyone should have appropriate jokes and anecdotes at the ready. If you’re attending an industry event, look up a few factoids or recent news stories that attendees will find interesting. These are what I call icebreakers and will help you relax this potentially stressful situation for you.”
Small talk can be awkward and few people I know enjoy them, least of all introverts. However, telling stories truly is one of the better icebreakers. It’s not just back-and-forth question and answers; You and other people share tales or have an active discussion about the news or media.
I met one of my best friends on the first day of my first semester while we were waiting for our rides. We got caught in the rain and were forced to take shelter together. I forgot who spoke first and what exactly spurred this conversation, but we immediately started swapping high school stories and laughed at those memories. I was more at ease exchanging those anecdotes than answering the old questions of “How’s the weather?” and “What is your major?”
4. Unearth hidden depths.
“ When I chair meetings and know the people around the table, I watch introverted colleagues closely and make an effort to include them, because they’re not naturally going to speak up…The next time someone is about to interrupt or talk over someone else, ask them to wait and encourage the other person to keep talking.”
Introverts are known to be observant, so they’re bound to notice more details around them — including fellow awkward introverts trying to be part of the discussion. I’ve been talked over. Who hasn’t? The constant interruptions I’ve experienced while I tried to get a word in has made me emphatic to other introverts who suffered the same issue.
I make it a habit to look around when others are talking just to see if there’s people who want to add their input, and I ask them, “What do you think?” Maybe they’ll appreciate you giving them some attention. Maybe they’ll be surprised they’re in the spotlight for once. Either way, this gives them an opportunity to speak, and give you an opportunity to get to know them.
5. Practice active listening
“…Ask questions, ask follow-up questions and show genuine interest in what others are saying. Not only is this your natural comfort zone, it will make you seem intriguing.”
Typically, introverts are known to be more listeners than talkers, so use that skill to your advantage! By showing genuine interest in the subject and going in-depth into the topic, those first couple conversations with a stranger will be a lot less painful.
It’s only recently I became more of an active listener. I used to just daydream or walk away from a conversation I wasn’t involved in, but now I try to actually participate in those chats. I noticed this encouraged the shyer ones to speak up and better engaged the introverts. Active listening is a win-win solution!
Maybe the advice given here won’t exactly turn you into an extrovert, but they probably will make you more outgoing or at least more comfortable in social situations. While I haven’t seen these lists during my years in college, the advice was still applicable to my real life experiences.
After hearing one of my high school friends remark on my more outgoing behavior, I asked my college friends if they had also noticed a change in the time they knew me. One of them commented that when he met me in my sophomore year of college, I was more reserved. Over the years, though, he noticed I became more comfortable speaking with people outside my immediate friend group. That’s the ultimate advice if an introvert wants to be more sociable: Just change your attitude little by little. At the end of the day, you’ll still be an introvert, but eventually you’ll be able to act more extroverted.
