Campus Crush Confessions Part Five: Wannabe Homewreckers
By Abby Hansen
We are back with another edition of Campus Crush Confessions! If you’re thinking, “Wait, didn’t you just post part four?” You’re right. We did, but this is the only thing you all read, and we need to get our numbers up.
For this edition, we will cover submissions that aim to sabotage relationships. So, without further ado, here are the confessions of wannabe homewreckers!
To: Kekai Baker
What your secret admirer likes about you: “You’re funny, cute, and smart. I lowkey fell for you the first day of class.”
How your admirer knows you: “I’m in one of your classes”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “He has a girlfriend”
From: “The person who admires you wishes you the best”
How do you fall for someone on the first day of class? You know nothing about him! I would recommend that you continue admiring him from afar and stay away from guys in relationships.
To: Katelyn Wankier
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Their lushish lips and long legs they have me drooling everytime I pass her at weights… I know she has a bf but idc I’m better I’m 7’0 ft tall he’s 6’7 and on crutches I can take him any time. Katelyn wankier I promise I’d treat you better than luc devour”
How your admirer knows you: “Volleyball”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “Nothing I have a plan”
From: “Gym rat that stares into your soul”
Katelyn, you should probably invest in a taser.
To: Clendon Neilson
What your secret admirer likes about you: “He watches video games on his ipad in class and he has a really sweet voice”
How your admirer knows you: “i see him in class”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “i see him with a girl and idk if they’re dating or not”
From: “the girl who wants to go out with you”
Um, who is Clendon Neilson? That can’t be a real name. Let’s change your “what’s stopping them from asking you out” response to “he literally doesn’t exist, I made him up.” No offense to Clendon if he is real; that’s my bad.
EDIT: So turns out Clendon does exist! Oops. In my defense, I was given bad info from a usually trustful source:
Oh, and to “the girl who wants to go out with you,” he does have a girlfriend. Sorry…
To: Emmy
What your secret admirer likes about you: “That Gy***”
How your admirer knows you: “Idk just campus”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “She has a man”
From: “The soccer boy”
Yeah, I don’t think her man needs to worry. Soccer boy, get it together.
To: Brooklyn Sharp
What your secret admirer likes about you: “She has so much energy all the time and she’s funny af. she’s also a fire dancer”
How your admirer knows you: “she’s a friend of my friend”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “She’s in love with a boy back home”
From: “Ur BV lover”
I bet her “boy back home” thinks she’s funny too. Good luck though “BV lover”.
To: stock daddy ferg
What your secret admirer likes about you: “hottie”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “kinda nervous think he’s married”
From: “m”
Emma, this better be from you.
To: Lincoln Trapp
What your secret admirer likes about you: “what’s there not to like, haha! he is hands down one of the most attractive guys on campus (i’d say top 10). but he is such an amazing guy! he’s funny, caring, strong in the gospel, hecka smart, does 2 sports, loves learning about new cultures, & so much more. he loves the outdoors & flamingos. again, what’s there not to like?”
How your admirer knows you: “i’d say we’re at least friends. i mean we do say hi whenever we see eachother.”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “pretty sure he has a gf”
From: “tea kettle girl”
Your description of him sounds like it came straight from a mutual profile. How do you know all that about him, but you aren’t sure if he has a girlfriend? Stay in the friend zone and out of someone else’s relationship! This is unrelated, but when you say he is one of the top 10 most attractive guys on campus, does that mean you’ve ranked them? Cause if you’ve made a list, I want to see it.
That’s it for part five! If you missed parts one, two, three, or four, click on the links below:
Campus Crush Confessions: Part One
Campus Crush Confessions Part Two: Everybody Likes…the Same Guy?
Campus Crush Confessions Part Three: Teammate Betrayal
Campus Crush Confessions: Part Four
We are still taking submissions for Campus Crush Confessions; click here for the form.
