Reader Question: Do Lauren and I Think Humans Were Made to Be Monogamous?
I got an interesting reader question that I want to tackle:
You and Lauren clearly live and enjoy quite a lifestyle. Curious to know if you both think we humans were made to be monogamous, or were we made to have lots of sex partners like you both do?
Let’s unpack that question sentence by sentence:
“We live and enjoy quite a lifestyle”
We’re assuming you’re referring to our swinging and polyamory. For us, yes, it’s an amazing lifestyle and we love it. We’re approaching 200 couples/400 spouses we’ve swung with over the years, and we wouldn’t change a thing. The lifestyle is exciting and works for us.
“Curious to know if you both think we humans were made to be monogamous”
Lauren and I both agree that we humans are absolutely capable of monogamy. Humans need love and require intimate connection and, for most people, those provide a framework for monogamy.
That said, we’re not comfortable saying humans were “made” to be monogamous, but people certainly are capable of it.
We realize our answer to that question may surprise you, given how we choose to live our lifestyle. So here’s our qualifier….
“Or were we made to have lots of sex partners like you both do?”
Sexual desire is natural in us humans. We all have it and we also have it for people who are not our committed partners, whether we want to admit it or not. If you have a committed partner, there is a 100% chance they have felt sexual desire for others but maybe didn’t share that with you.
With most of us in relationships, the sexual desire we feel for others doesn’t go anywhere. With some of us, maybe we act on it so long as the desire is mutual. Lauren and I provide opportunities for us to act on sexual desire toward others through our lifestyle as swingers and polyamorists. Those are the only outlets for our non-monogamy. We don’t have an open marriage, nor will we ever; we practice ethical, consensual non-monogamy, and we also are quite kinky, which allows us to experiment with our desires.
The fact is, except for the first few months of our relationship, Lauren and I have never been monogamous. We adopted polyamory in our first year together, as Lauren desired other woman since she’s bisexual, and since that time we’ve never been monogamous.
Hope that answers your question!
