Why? It’s so not elegant, innit? — Don’t use your phone at the bus stop Don’t use it in the tube Nor in the melting pot Of strangers from all over the world That don’t care about you or your phone Yet Don’t pretend to be typing the ultimate New Yorker article, we all know you’re blowing…

Fake, never-happened chats with Superunknown Acts — The Beatles Magazine fake-interviews only the best unknown acts in the world because misfits, outsiders weirdos and other forms of nobody-gets-me artists are Better than Famous. Being on the cover of a famous (any) mag is priceless. Being on the cover of Beatles Magazine is better. Beatles magazine is Rolling…

{Funny [Stories about your mum (whaaaat??) Maybe not.]} — Here is a collection of my worst and foremost takes on society, people and something else I don’t recall at the moment. Am I getting old? And grumpy? And rambling? And rambling? And Wish you a couple of laughs. Sayonara! the Blood Test Saga Blood Tests Why can’t mosquitos do it?medium.com Blood Tests II The Saga Continues…medium.com Blood Tests II (pt2) Be Preparedmedium.com

Or Call it What You Like —

Thought n.40 — Coordinated goodbyes Hands wave Eyes cry As the imaginary train puffs And pants Ready to leave With elegance And flowers. Invade the blue skies Like confetti twist And dance The ballad of me And you And our race ends The pace down into a Disgrace Fool Decline of the love we had For some time Painted and brushed away Like foreshore graffiti Wiped with a stroke Of eternal ocean Cold pity Water Falls Of tears As we…

Give it a chance and you’ll influence the in flue-enhancers — This is part two of part one, this one: Losing Hair is a Blessing if you Wanna be a Samurai like Me Take this, you perfectly-haired Barbie Ken!medium.com But you can read part two without the one that anticipated the two, aka part one, the previous story, the anthem if you feel like it. Confused? Don’t be confused, be confused dot… well, this was lame to the limit of lameness…

Take this, you perfectly-haired Barbie Ken! — I look into the mirror and I’m crushed. Why am I losing hair? Why? Why only me on this planet?, and other kinds of moaning/whining I professionally carried on since I was 16ish and started losing my masculinity. Yes, cause that’s what we’re talking about, innit? Especially at a certain…

Round 2wo. U Ready? — 02 | Ping Babe, I got back to what I know best Failing at everything and the rest Some might say I’m an odd bloke but listen: You’re just smoke inside your mirror She didn’t understand Is this a joke? She asked and Babe, I said I fucking don’t know. Ah. Or, is it? She didn’t understand again so I waved my hand and Fucked off…

Totally a True-ish Story, I swear-ish — The following is an accurate transcript of the original: Correspondence between two 16th-century gentlemen. Fountain penned on thick Italian-crafted high-quality laid paper. Delivered by messenger pigeons at precisely: 3:42 pm Each goddamn single morning, help me Gosh.