Q3 (2017) Earnings
Brooklyn, New York — April 22, 2017 — Mom and Dad Sternberg Company, Inc. announces its third quarter earnings. The company continues to see unprecedented success, as it has 11 straight quarters in the black; its last quarter was its best on record.
The positive progress has been due to the ongoing growth of the company’s core product: Toddler. As the company has continued to iterate the main product— from Infant to Baby to Toddler — it has never lost sense of its guiding purpose.
“Our mission is to raise Toddler and give her love and unconditional support,” said Mom, CEO. “And we continue to achieve that through hard work, and support from all employees, investors and key stakeholders.”
After slight tweaks from the previous quarter, Toddler’s verbal skills have grown exponentially. There has been a language explosion that includes turns-of phrase like, “are you kidding me?,” “no way!” and “let’s go Yankees.” She holds complete conversations, both with real people and her imaginary friends (note: her imaginary friends are her real friends, she just talks to them when she’s away from them.).
The company is reporting an increase in loveliness, both internally and externally. Toddler is proving to be a sweetheart; kind and caring — continually amazing executives and clients with how willing she is to share with others, or give them hugs and kisses, or even hold hands.
She has also developed a love of music and dance, singing traditional songs like BINGO and Wheels on the Bus, but also pop songs like Meghan Trainor’s “Better When I’m Dancin’” and Phish’s “No Man In No Man’s Land.” It’s adorable when she tries to get Alexa to play music.
Says VP of Day Care Drop-off, Dad: “I believe that day care has helped foster this love of language, but also has become a positive influence in her day-to-day activities.”
Improvements to be made: The company will be working on potty training in the coming year and we have no doubt it will be messy. Successful, but messy. And each day, her counting gets better. As of this report, she can count to 14. Note, though, that she often goes from 9 to 11; perhaps she has watched Spinal Tap too much.
The company is continually amazed that it created this product and has seen the success it has seen. (Then again, with Mom running the company, we shouldn’t be all too surprised.)
New Product
And because the company has seen incredible success, quarter over quarter, year over year for almost three years now, the company has decided to add a product line extension. Launch date for new product is mid-October 2017.
The company does not know the gender of the new product, and will find out when it comes off the production line in October.
Says Mom: “We are, as they say, over the moon, and excited to bring another high quality product into the world.”
More information will be available at the full conference call later this week.
