A-Z of Emotions : D for Defiant pt II
I am not much of a ‘living on the edge’ kinda guy. Yet, there have been few times in my life where I have broken the rules in acts of defiance. Just like Nicholas Cage movies, the payoff at the end has been either remarkable or a trainwreck. Go read yesterday’s post for the positive payoff. Let me tell you about the time being defiant went horribly bad for me.
DEFIANCE: THE BAD
Let’s get in a time capsule and head to the year 2004. Mean Girls had just come out. FRIENDS was coming to a (thankful) end. People were still using Kazaa and MSN Messenger. I was 15 going on 16 and constantly getting Friend Zoned by girls, as if it was my life mission. In high school, I was painfully shy . Throw in lack of self-care and zero athleticism, you can understand why I wasn’t crushing it in the girls department. I was getting desperate for attention from girls.
Back in those days, Yahoo Chat! Rooms was a prime online platform for attention-hungry teenagers, ready-to-mingle adults, and pedophiles to connect. I was a frequent user under cooldude1988. In the six months of use, I had connected with teenagers from all over Canada. There was something special about Sam from Nova Scotia. She was pretty, rebellious and an over all bad-ass. I was not those things, and opposites attract. We had bonded over our mutual love of Eminem. Well, I pretended to like him.
Things had escalated quickly. We had gone from chatting on MSN everyday to spending hours on the phone. And then one day:
“Hey Nilabjo, ummm…”
“Yea Sam, what’s on your mind?”
“We have been chatting for a while. I really like you.. but”
I had heard this before. She was about to Friend Zone me. It was a shame because I was starting to really like her.
“But.. what?”
“But.. I don’t want to just be friends. Can we be boyfriend/girlfriend?”
WHAT?! WAS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?
“YES!”, I shouted, without any hesitation. I didn’t want to give her time to change her mind. She was going to my first girlfriend. Sure, we had never met in person. But, this was the best day of my life.
Despite my best effort to keep it a secret, my parents eventually found out about us. There were clues: frequent letters to our house stamped from Nova Scotia, uncountable calls from a certain 902 number in the monthly phone bill, and me blasting Eminem and his filth in our basement apartment. The signs were there. They weren’t happy.
“…What do you mean she is your girlfriend?”, asked my startled mom
“.. fuck you ma… you wouldn’t understand. You never have”
That was the Eminem in me talking.
It needs re-emphasizing that my parents are Indian. Even though they are liberal, relatively speaking, there are some things that would never get green lit by South Asian parents. Let me make you a quick list of the no-no’s here:
As you can tell, I was violating almost everything on the list. They told me to end whatever ‘this’ was or be prepared for the consequences. This could range anywhere from losing computer privileges to getting disowned. But, I didn’t care. Sam was my first love. I wasn’t going to just give her up. I was ready for the wrath. And my parents brought it.
For the misdemeanour of ‘Prioritizing girls before school’, I lost my CD player privileges. (Who cares? I could listen to radio all day)
For ‘Having a girlfriend before marriage’, I lost my computer gaming rights. (So what? I still had my Nintendo GameCube)
For the petty crime of ‘Listening to rap music’, I wasn’t allowed to bring any friends over for a month. (Jokes on them, I didn’t have any friends).
For the major wrongdoing of ‘SWEARING AT PARENTS’, I wasn’t allowed access to my Nokia 3310, home phone or MSN Messenger for 3 months. I could only use computer for homework. (This was a big blow. I had no way to communicate with Sam).
For the next few months, I kept the relationship under wraps. There were no more letters or phone calls from Nova Scotia. My parents were under the illusion our relationship was over.
Fast forward to May 2006. I was slaving over preparing for Grade 12 final exams. They were worth 70% of our final marks, and these marks were for university acceptances. No pressure! Sam and I hadn’t been in touch for few weeks. Preparing for exams had taken over my life.
I had a day off between exams. I logged onto MSN after a gap of 5 days, and noticed Sam was online. I sent her a message and she responded with just a ‘Hi’.She had also changed her status from ‘Sam ❤️ Nilabjo’ to just ‘Sam’.
“Sam, I am sorry I haven’t been around. Exams.”
“Yea.. okay. Listen …..”
This was my chance for a big apology and get in her good books again.
“Before you say something, I wanna apologize for being MIA. I could have emailed you or something, but my parents were literally watching over me while I was on the computer. I can’t wait for the exams to be over and then we could ..”
“There is someone else…”
And just like that, my 17 year old self fell apart. I didn’t know what to say, or type. This was out of the blue.I was alone, in front of my desktop computer, staring blankly at the screen with tears streaming down my face. I was shocked. I was confused. I was sad. She was my first relationship, and she was also my first break up. I had to somehow get myself together and prepare for the rest of the exams. But, I couldn’t. The exam results suffered, and my parents didn’t hold back on the punishment.
For the felony of getting ‘anything below A on exams’, I was deprived off any fun in the summer. My grad trip to Canada’s Wonderland got taken away. I was prohibited from going on the camping trip with friends from work. I was ordered to sell tickets to see The Killers! The only thing I was allowed to do was go to work, come home, mope around and do it all over again. It was the summer from hell. On top of that, my less than stellar grades lead to universities rescinding their offers. That was definitely NOT a crowd pleaser at the Banerjee household.
The story is not meant to accuse Sam of ruining my life. Relationships end. Breakups happen. Instead, the story is a reminder of the downsides of disobeying the ‘authority’ in your life. Being defiant doesn’t always have a happy ending.
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