How working out saved me through my difficult marriage and eventual divorce
Move it baby
On a warm May evening, I walked into my first yoga class, feeling broken and lost, not realizing this step would change my life. I was 28. We had been married for only 3 years and I had recently committed to supporting him through his full-time MBA, but a nasty marital event had turned everything upside down for me. I was shaken and didn’t know who I could turn to. Reaching out to my family in India to share about a rift in my marriage was not an option — I was expected to suck it up. Reaching out to friends felt shameful. It felt like I had to just suck it up and keep going. At night I would cry myself to bed and lie in the bed, mostly sleepless. In the morning, I would pick myself up and go to work and pretend that nothing had happened.
Sara, the owner of the yoga studio, welcomed me with a warm smile. Her calming presence already made me feel seen and supported. The practice was intense but I must have felt a shift because I kept coming. Through her guidance, I learned to focus on my breath and let go of the chaos in my mind, if only for an hour at a time. It also tired me enough that I could fall asleep at night. Breathing into the discomfort of each pose taught me resilience and gave me a sense of control over my body and mind.
Get Noor’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
As the weeks turned into months, my commitment to yoga deepened. As I continued to practice yoga, I noticed not only physical changes but also a shift in my mindset. What once seemed insurmountable became manageable, and eventually, enjoyable. Yoga became a metaphor for life itself — a reminder that facing difficulties head-on and breathing through the discomfort leads to growth and transformation. It would take another 12 yrs for me to gather the strength and end the marriage that didn’t serve either of us.
During the divorce process, when conversations with my soon-to-be ex and lawyers left me drained and overwhelmed, I turned to intense workouts to release pent-up emotions and regain my sense of empowerment. Whether it was lifting weights, practicing yoga, or playing tennis, each session allowed me to breathe through the intensity and emerge stronger on the other side.
Regular damage-repair cycle for physical and mental resilience
Building a strong physical body requires putting it through a regular damage-repair cycle. Cultivating strong emotional muscles mirrors this process — except you don’t intentionally put yourself through emotional pain or damage — life does it for you. Your job is to focus on the repair. In the midst of the pain of separation and divorce, I drew from my physical training’s wisdom– I allowed myself to feel the pain, to shed tears when I felt overwhelmed, but then I focused on the repair — I let go of the grudge & embraced forgiveness, nourished my body with good nutrition, poured thoughts on paper through journaling, read empowering books & stayed grateful for the aspects of my life that were going well. I chose to starve the problems of their energy by giving energy only to the possibility of a great future. Crucially, I found joy amidst the growth pains — a yoga concept known as “Sukham.”
The purpose of building strong emotional muscles is not to prepare us to ‘lift more’ hurt in the future but to foster a resilient life perspective. The inner strength helps us fall apart less in the face of the next challenge, which is guaranteed. Without this perspective, each new trial risks compounding the emotional toll, much like how an unprepared body might strain under heavier physical loads, leading to injury.
Looking back on those dark days — first going through trauma and then eventual divorce, I realize now that those workouts were more than just a physical practice — it was a metaphor for life itself. Through yoga and physical training, I discovered that even in the depths of despair, there is always hope — that within every heartache lies the promise of renewal. Through adversity, I emerged not broken but strengthened and transformed by the fire of my resilience.
