Poland Dispatch: The German Poo-Shelf Toilet

Next to the infamous Squat-hole toilets of Asia and southern France, the German…

A Gentleman’s Guide to Labor & Delivery

THE EARLY STAGES
Nobody really expects their baby to arrive on the due date, which is why the night before it’s perfectly normal to go out and have many adult beverages with your friend while your wife stays at home groaning with pregnancy-related pains and…

What My Wife Has Learned From Watching The Forensic Files

My wife has watched Forensic Files religiously ever since our Tivo discovered it for her. Tivo studied her viewing patterns, as Tivo does, and after noticing that she kept coming back to HBO’s Autopsy series, Tivo correctly…

To The Person Who Found My Camera

Why My Camera Has 17 Photos of a Cat’s Ass

Half-Assed Stock Tips

STARBUCKS (SBUX): The Starbucks on Chambers Street in Tribeca was really busy. The barista was pleasant and the Whole Milk thermos was full. I poured a little coffee into the trash because I needed room and no one yelled at me. This is good a business strategy. STRONG BUY.

Helpful Plastic Surgery Tips

•Plastic surgery works best when not a manifestation of inner turmoil and despair.

Dear Lady Squatting In Our Midst

An open letter to a woman who poops in the open

Field Guide To Online Dating Profile Photography

Mark Harris, comedian and AirTran baggage handler, is a self-described Japabilly — the end result of sexual congress between a tiny Okinawan lady and an Ozark Mountain ex-Marine Corps hillbilly. Here, Mark offers photographic representation of…

The Starfleet Academy Rejection Letter

Sorry, you’re not boldly going.

Starfleet Academy Rejection Letter

Dear Applicant:

Thank you for your interest in Starfleet Academy.

The Restaurant Inspector’s Nightmare

Based on a true story