India Pale Ales (IPAs) are bad

When I was twenty-four, I used to think an IPA was a “cool” beer to order because it tasted “complex” and…

The Most Common Home Bartending Mistake

Ever made a Manhattan or martini at home and were all “Damn, why isn’t this as good as…

10 Thoughts on Crackers

1. A Triscuit® is not a bad cracker by any stretch of the imagination. Master spreading cheese on one without breaking…

Biscuits are Bad

Biscuits are bad. Settle down, British people, I’m not talking about cookies. I mean American-style biscuits, the bland doughy lumps of crap you’re supposed to “enjoy” with your awful flour-paste “sawmill gravy.” The dry crumbly garbage-bread that disintegrates if you attempt to so much as butter…

Actually, Duane Reade sushi is good.

Having a physical body is terrible. It is a machine that only gets worse, if it was even any…

Dear New York Restaurants: Your Tables are Too Small

Against recipes

The other day, someone spoke to me of their family roast chicken recipe. ‘It’s to die for’ probably soon followed, but I’d stopped…

Triscuits are GOOD

Did you know that biscuits are called biscuits because they’re cooked twice? The word comes from the Middle French bescuit…

Make Your Dumb Bed

This is not a nice place for you to sleep when you come home at night. It looks like a shooting gallery. God, I love nothing…

Yes, We Believe That Pizza Is Meh

As expected, some people were furious about pizza’s inclusion on this past weekend’s Meh List, a…