Emotional masquerade

How we trick ourselves to avoid pain

Our instinct is always to avoid or minimize pain. This is a helpful reflex that reduces the physical injuries we might otherwise incur. But when it comes to emotional pain, avoidance almost always makes…

Riding the waves of life

Why we need community

The ebb and flow of life is inevitable, but we can choose our response.

We could give up and become the victim of our circumstances — a martyr of self-reliance. This might be the result of…

Words matter — useful phrases for deescalating conflict

What to say next time there’s a conflict

When it comes to disagreements, what we say and how we say it make a significant difference in the outcome of the conversation.

30 Lessons from 30 Years

Today I turn 30. Here are 30 lessons that continue to shape me.

1. Grownups don’t have life…

At the heart of empathy

My biggest lesson from living out what I write

Some of the kindest words I’ve heard recently were “Go easy on yourself — this is hard.” Since giving birth to my son almost two months ago, I’ve needed that reminder again and again.

Hoping against hope

Tough questions about desire, suffering, and feeling deeply.

Buddhism teaches that desire causes all suffering. It’s believed that when desire ceases, pain ceases.

When someone hurts you

How to empathize without remaining the victim

I was angry, hurt, and confused. The last thing I wanted to do was empathize.

“How they could do this? Why did they?”

Needing people and people in need

How the two are connected and why it matters

As Americans, we often pride ourselves on being independent and self-sufficient. Needing help can seem like a sign of weakness or laziness.

The ‘right way’ to empathize

Spoiler: there isn’t one

While the essence of empathy is universal, its demonstration is personal and individualized. If you try to empathize exactly how I would — or vice versa, it would be inauthentic and likely offensive.

How empathy changes us

The difference between understanding and agreeing

Empathy is about understanding another person’s point of view. It’s learning what they believe and hearing their story without passing judgment.