When you look like me, you get an odd insight into the average male American psyche.

Use this (other) simple trick to become popular.

Flatter people in a way that suits you.

Rumors of my abduction have been criminally under-exaggerated.

Happiness by the numbers.

Judging from human behavior, our happiness seems to be dictated by numbers.

Auto-correct: Better than therapy or religion for self-discovery.

I’m embarrassed to admit this.

But, really, we all wish we could solve our problems this way.

There’s more to comedy than making people laugh.

Trust me. I’m an expert in failing to make people…

Conversation, n.: Noise vaguely organized by the aggressive use of avoidance tactics.