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A toast to adulthood.

A toast to adulthood.

Delivered at my first — and probably also last — Adult Club Banquet.
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Fake News is a great idea, since I never wanted to bother with having a conscience anyway.

Fake News is a great idea, since I never wanted to bother with havi...

I’m kind of glad about this dramatic upswing in fake news, you know?
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
“Facts” have been replaced in the American psyche with starch.

“Facts” have been replaced in the American psyche with starch.

Facts
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
The one where I complain about grammar and wonder why I always lie to myself.

The one where I complain about grammar and wonder why I always lie ...

One of the ways I know I’m an artist is because I can simultaneously forgive plenty of grammatical errors in the people around me, while at…
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Psychos have more fun.

Psychos have more fun.

Seriously, though, I’ve noticed that to have any real fun — any proper, big fun — you have to be a little psychotic, don’t you?
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
How I write so many timely think pieces.

How I write so many timely think pieces.

Without being sarcastic even once.
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Common sense is like X-ray vision.

Common sense is like X-ray vision.

Saying you have it gets you stabbed by people you wanted to have sex with.
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
My advice: Watch Moon.

My advice: Watch Moon.

Not THE moon. There’s a film called moon. It’s a good film.
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
We live in a world full of hazards.

We live in a world full of hazards.

Hazards like getting stabbed for making the wrong joke.
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Civilization is really just an organized panic about bears.

Civilization is really just an organized panic about bears.

You can quote me on that.
Go to the profile of Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
Oliver “Shiny” Blakemore
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