I’ve been thinking about it a long time and I always say this to mumma- how much I love winters now. I love the coziness of the season, I love the winter aesthetics and especially I love nature’s cycle of change. I love seeing the seasons change. I love the fact that nature reminds us to change with the seasons. I used to fret over my laziness during winters. I used to worry and get anxious as to why I couldn’t wake up early in the morning, why I didn’t want to do a lot, why I didn’t want to go out and socialize much, why I just wanted a cup of hot chocolate with a good book and spend my evenings that way.

When I was a kid, I used to hate winters. Obviously, because I can’t bear the cold. I still can’t but now I appreciate it more because we have only 2 months of it in North India. Sometime back, I watched a YouTube video of a lady who lives in the North of Sweden and she said that the way to have a peaceful and happy winter season is to go along with it. I don’t remember her exact words but it was something about not fighting the flow of nature, your life will become so much easier if you don’t resist the changes nature brings with it. So, if you feel like winter makes you lazy and you feel cold and don’t want to do anything, then slow down. Maybe take a cue from nature that it’s time for you also to take a break from things and just relax. There’s beauty in stillness. There’s calm in the silence.

Speaking of beauty, I am also loving the process of taking care of my skin again. During winters, my skin becomes a bit dry which makes me realize that I need a lot of hydration. Also, it feels nice to take some time out and have a 3–4 step skincare routine. During summers, I usually skip everything and just wear sunscreen because I don’t feel like slathering on too much.

All in all, I think I didn’t have a lot to write about because I didn’t have time to think much. With the COVID days long gone, I had to go to the office quite frequently and also go out more for socializing. I love how weird friendships tend to work so beautifully sometimes. I can’t believe that the silliest things I tell to these days is a close work friend, who’s a married guy with 2 kids. I know he didn’t understand how big of a problem it was for me when I said I couldn’t write anymore, but even then he listened to me and said that that’s exactly what I should write about.

Which brings me here….my first story in almost a year. I’m not entirely sure why I can’t write anymore but I do know that every time I think of writing something, I either get lazy and put it off for the next day or have second thoughts about writing it. The best part about Covid was that I didn’t have to meet anybody and that gave me the freedom to not be bothered about other people’s judgements. Like how much importance could you possibly give to somebody else’s opinion when you just talk on the phone or interact via social media right? But when you see people in person, you’re dreaded with the thought of meeting them the next day and realizing they read your story and now they either like you or downright hate you.

I’m not saying that all of my stories are based off of real people, in fact, that is seldom the case. But I do like to give anecdotes of things I see in my surroundings because I like the storytelling process of letting others know how I even had an idea in the first place. It could be born out of a conversation between me and that person or me just observing their life as a third person.

Another thing I have come to realize is the more extroverted I become in reality, the more introverted I want to be in my head. Does that even make sense?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that the more outdoorsy things I get to do in my day-to-day life, the less I want to share about it. I like dressing up and going to parties and weddings but I don’t like to take a photograph. A year ago, I used to think that when I would clear my Grade 1 Piano exam, I’d post it on Instagram. You know, considering that it was a milestone for me. It’s been more than 3 months since my result came out and only my family knows about it.

I’m not sure when I’ll be posting again, I just know that I am a person who writes only when they’re in the right head space. I hope this year, I’ll be able to write more and be more consistent with it. Until next time!

Winter Love And Why I Can’t Write Anymore was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Change is the only constant.

The most clichéd statement but probably the truest also. I’m not a huge fan of change but having gone through so many changes since birth, I’ve realized that it’s essential and inevitable. The best way to deal with it is to not resist it. I don’t take it well when I realize there’s a change coming but then I swallow the pill and then ride the wave.

Just till the beginning of this year, I did not believe I could ever be a person who goes to the gym. I am a very private person, especially when it comes to my daily life. It is but natural that I like to workout alone at the comfort of my home where I don’t have to feel conscious of myself and keep thinking if I look like a fool (which I probably do). But then I noticed that my growth was stalling, I was hitting a plateau and more than that, I had no structure to my workout routine. A few of my co-workers had already joined a gym so they encouraged me to do the same. I thought about it for quite some time and then finally, decided to get a gym membership.

The night before my first day was nerve-racking. I was anxious. Most people would laugh at this but I was downright terrified to do this. I was supposed to go alone to a public place to workout when I knew squat about “working out” and didn’t even know a single soul in there. Oh and don’t forget, fend off the creeps because gyms are full of those, right?

It’s been a month since I started going to the gym regularly. Yes, it took a lot of effort to admit to trainers and other people that I’m new, I need some help. Constantly asking how to work a machine and being intimidated by the weights section because you are lifting peanuts in comparison to the veterans.

Never did I think that I would be rather fond of the gym. If somebody had told me a few years back that I would wake up at 6.30 AM to hit the gym before leaving for work, I would have said, “That’s so not me”. What I’ve noticed is that nobody really has the time to look at anybody, everybody’s trying to figure out how they can optimize their workout in the limited time they spend at the gym. It’s likely the most non-judgemental place too. I met a few people, all on different timelines in their fitness journey (one of them had been training for 10 years!) and all had only encouraging words to say.

Change always doesn’t have to be physical. A change of perspective is a huge change in your life. This is the tricky one because you still look the same to others but are not.

I was a believer of love. I used to love ‘love’. With time, age and some harsh experiences, I’ve changed to such a degree that I truly don’t believe in love and by that, I mean romantic love. I don’t want to offend anyone but intrinsically I believe that none of us really love anybody. We just love the idea of loving someone. We love the idea of an Instagram story or a wedding shoot. We love the idea of a Sid & Kiara wedding. We love happy times, travelling together and couple goals.

We often forget that saying I love you is much more easier than acting upon it. If today somebody told me they loved me, I’d very likely not believe it. You think it’s that easy to love someone, anyone? You like them all right, you like their smile, their body, the way they make you feel and if you are getting somewhat deep, you like them for who they are.

But love has actually nothing to do with like. Love means showing up even when you don’t want to. Love means being patient with someone when you want to blow their brains out. Love is when you’re kind especially when you want to hurt that person as much as they hurt you. Love means having power over someone and not wielding it.

The thing about change is that not only does it allow you to make a fresh start but also learn from your previous situations. I used to fancy myself in love with the person I wrote about in this piece The Boy Who Loved Me up until a few months ago. Even though I’ve been over him since 2020, I never really cared to look someone else’s way. And being just 4 months short of turning 27, you should know that everybody in my life is asking me to look someone’s way- actually anyway.

A few weeks back, I met someone at the office. And I gotta be honest, it felt like the sun will shine again. My friends and I know him as the “water-cooler” guy because that’s where he first bumped into me. In my first meeting, I wasn’t sure whether he was trying to flirt or just be friendly because I usually get the latter. I didn’t pay him much heed until one day I realized 2 things- a) I’m kinda digging the whole beard vibe and, b) just like Lara Jean in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before if I thought about him, I forgot about other people. The next day onwards, I was doing what I always do. Try and get his attention and look for a chance-meeting again. I did this for 2 whole weeks until I realized what I was doing. It took a minor setback in my work to slap me in the face and wake me up.

I know it’s a life-long process and I’ve already seen it so many times, but every time it amazes me just the same. How life and circumstances change a person and how liberating it can be. A few years back, I would have thought my current perception to be cynical and negative but now I see it as being peaceful and content. Change makes us uncomfortable and conquering that discomfort makes us powerful and trust me, as you get older, power is a lot more appealing than anything else.

A 360 Degree Change: Why I Don’t Believe In Love Anymore was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I was drifting off to sleep when Papa said, “The Sarangi sounds so beautiful”. Just like every Saturday, we were driving back home from music school and listening to old Hindi songs on the radio.

I made a hmm sound in agreement. The Sarangi kept playing for another 10–20 seconds and that caught my attention. It sounded familiar, it was on the tip of my tongue and I suddenly said, “Don’t tell me this is Chalte Chalte”. As if on cue, the ghungroo beat started and I turned to my Dad who was also surprised that it was. I clapped like a child who’d seen fireworks for the first time. My Dad was in awe of the fact that 20 seconds into the song I could recognize it. I said, “Are you kidding me? It’s my favourite song of all time. I’ve watched Meena Kumari’s dance to this song a gazillion times”.

I hummed along with my father to the song simply because I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. And that’s saying something because I hardly ever sing in front of others, not even my family. I’m insecure about my vocal skills because I’m aware they’re not great. My sister refers to me as the Anu Malik in our family, who has great musical acumen but severely lacks vocal capabilities.

After the song ended, we delved into a discussion about how great the entire movie was. A musical marvel through and through!

Some of the best songs written and composed by some of the best musicians in Bollywood like Chalte Chalte yunhi koi mil gaya tha, written by Kaifi Azmi and composed by Ghulam Mohammed, Thare Rahiyo and Inhi Logo ne. If you haven’t watched the movie, I would strongly urge you to do so, just for the music and breathtaking Kathak choreography performed by Meena Kumari.

Music has bonded my father and I in a different way in the past few months. Somehow, the musical bug bit us both. Even though I started playing the keyboard on my own 2 years back, I had no teacher and no formal training. I decided to change that this year and enroll myself for piano lessons. And yes, for that, I did upgrade to a Piano.

At the same time, my father enrolled himself in harmonium lessons because we already owned it. I was always sure I wanted to learn Western Classical music. I made that decision in 2020 when I first started listening to famous piano compositions and that decision was sealed when I fell in love with “the poet of the piano” himself, Chopin.

So now my father learns the harmonium and is getting way better at his instrument than I am getting at mine. For obvious reasons, his foundation is on Hindustani classical music and mine on Western classical music. But that’s the beauty of music, it transcends boundaries, languages and styles. We learn from each other and sometimes find similarities in our learnings. I tell him about Chopin, why a Steinway really costs as much as it does, the frustration I feel at not getting better at sight reading, why Bach’s music is actually intended for the Harpsichord & not the Piano, why Pagini is every violinist’s worst nightmare and why Mozart is a genius but Beethoven is actually the greatest musician who ever lived.

He tells me that most Bollywood songs are actually based on Raag Bhairavi and raag Bilawal which he’s learning right now, on which scale is his vocal placement, and throws fun facts at me like Mohammed Rafi used to sing in B flat major scale (really not sure about this one), verbiage like aroh and avroh, and how he’s learning to take harkats now.

This is the part of my life that I refrain from sharing. Sometimes, I feel sharing parts of myself with people taints my feelings towards that particular thing. And I didn’t want that for music, which is truly the only thing in my messed up adult life that keeps me going. Yes, there are days when I despise the beautiful instrument sitting in my living room but there are days when I’m in awe of its presence in my life.

Now that I am a classical music geek, I would love to dole out recommendations because I would like you to get on the bandwagon too. If you, for some reason, are also interested in western classical music, then I have some great recommendations.

A great introduction would be Canon in D by Pachelbel (you’ll find that this sounds quite similar to a Maroon 5 song Memories because they sampled Canon in D!).

Next Up…Eine Klaine Nachtmusik by Mozart (because you’ve heard this in an ad commercial or meme by now)

Turkish March by Mozart

Some other great recommendations- Moonlight Sonata Movement I & Movement III by Beethoven, Paginini’s Caprice No. 24 (Violin), Vivaldi’s Four seasons (listen to Spring first though) and L’estro Armonico Op. 3 No. 10 (don’t know why there’s hype around Vivaldi’s Four Seasons when this gem exists).

Coming to Chopin, his Nocturne in C Sharp Minor and Nocturne in E Flat Major (Op. 9 No. 2 ) are a must listen and trust me, you will not be disappointed. Nocturnes are musical compositions that reflect the moods and feelings of night time. Nocturnes are a style of music that existed even before Chopin, but Chopin popularised it by way of perfecting his pieces to such an extent that Chopin’s nocturnes are considered the gold standard in which all other nocturnes must be measured.

As a bonus piece, a really simple and beautiful piece that will heal your heart is “River flows in you” by Yiruma. There’s no way that you will not like it in one go.

If you give all of these pieces a listen, I kid you not, you probably would never like to go back to Pop music. My brilliant friend Bhupika, once told me she doesn’t listen to music and I was appalled at that. Initially, I did judge her but then decided against it because it was the same as me telling someone I don’t like Batman or that I don’t even consider Iron man a real superhero! There, I said it.

Music for me is the only way I truly feel things and process my emotions. My playlist is a reflection of how I feel that day. It’s a dream, an escape, a safe haven, a routine and a journey.

How And Why I Fell In Love With Classical Music And You Will Too! was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Ma was reading the newspaper and she read out, “School test ki umar mein beauty test kyon le rahe ho?”. I said, “What?”

She passed the paper in my direction and then I saw it, the ad campaign for Dove in the newspaper. Personally, I don’t like Dove and its products. But I’ve always liked their brand image, promoting real beauty, real women. Today’s campaign hit differently because it was not for real women but real girls. Girls who at the age of 13 feel pressurised to wax their legs, slim down their waist and tie ponytails and never plaits.

As soon as I went through it, I said to my mother, “God, this is so true.” I remember feeling the same throughout my school years, especially high school. When people reminisce about their childhood and say they wish they could go back to the good old days, my reaction is “God, no! Never in a million years! I’m so glad school is over!”

Okay, I exaggerate a bit. I did like school but just the parts where my friends and I lived in our own bubble, studying together and planning for the future. The other part of school, that is, encountering the cool kids on the block?….God, I wanted to run as far away from them as possible. The guys were effing hot, the girls were already Kendall-Jenner-Kind pretty and they had one common trait about their good looks- they knew about it.

I’m not here to troll them really, but I do wonder if some of the pressure all kids face in their teenage years stems from being compared to their peers. I think if all of us continued to look like “Ugly Betty” in school while Gigi Hadid looked like Gigi Hadid, I don’t think it would matter so much then because we would be consciously aware that Gigi Hadid is the only person who looks like a specimen of human perfection. After all, she is who she is, a supermodel, with a team of stylists, dieticians, trainers, therapists and God knows what else.

I remember telling a friend of mine in college that I used to be quite insecure about my looks in school. It took time for me to see that my dusky skin is beautiful the way it is and had I been even a shade lighter, I don’t think it would have complemented my features that much.

Today, when I saw this ad, I said to Ma, “I’ve faced both of these issues. Dark girls and even boys are often made fun of for their skin colour. We had a medical examination in 9th grade and everybody got to know that I weighed 57 kgs at the time, you have no idea for how long everyone made it seem like it was the end of the world. A friend of mine weighed 50 kgs and then, our classmates compared us saying 50 is still fine. At that moment, all I wanted was to be her.”

At first, I was embarrassed to write about this. Nobody wants to dig up their own dirt and bring ghosts from their past to life. But now that I’ve moved on from all the drama we bring upon young kids, I feel compelled to talk about this, this unreal beauty standard that we are forced to meet and if we don’t, we either accept our fate as the ugly-unfuckable one or rise above the bullshit and realize that this wouldn’t matter in a few years, the latter seeming an impossible thing at 15. Influencers today talk about body positivity but are we really body positive as a society? I don’t think so.

Girls on the internet give you hacks for better hair removal methods, adding a disclaimer that this is just what I do, you do you, but let’s be honest, the underlying message in that sentence is “but don’t, okay?”

I went for my first ever wax in 7th grade. I applaud my mom who handled it so maturely. Till 10th grade I think, I used to wear a lot of sleeveless tops and in 7th grade, I was just hitting puberty so it wasn’t a big deal for me to wear halter tops and off-shoulder dresses for all social functions. But I had a light dusting of hair on my armpit and looking at other girls, I grew conscious of it. For a week, I threw a tantrum at home, “I have hair under my arms and now I can’t wear sleeveless, Mom, do something.” She did. She told me she was taking me to the parlour only because she doesn’t want me to do anything stupid and try and remove hair on my own and hurt myself in the process. The waxing ritual started and it has never stopped, only replaced by shaving and epilating.

So, when people say, if you have body hair and don’t want to remove it, it’s completely fine. Guess what, it’s not. Because even though you may feel confident, the society we live in won’t let you live the way you want to.

Just recently, I was reading up on the rise and fall of Victoria’s Secret. If there’s ever a brand I have salivated for, it’s VS. I used to love everything about them, their history of how it started off as a brand for men, a store where men could buy lingerie for women (founded by Roy Ramond), then switched off as being a brand for women (acquired by L Brands), something women could feel desirable in, then introducing the angels and bringing some iconic names such as Tyra Banks and Gisele Bündchen to the forefront. In an age where models were expected to be skinny from head to toe, Victoria’s Secret and Sports Illustrated endorsed the idea of a curvier woman as sexy- still skinny but with a nice pair of boobs and a perky butt.

Now, Victoria’s Secret is on the brink of going down because people don’t feel they endorse real beauty standards and still stick to the same idea of beauty that they’ve had for decades. Ed Razek (then Chief Marketing Officer- VS) made things worse in 2018 when he said in a Vogue interview the reason why they had no plus-size and transgender models in their fashion shows was that “It’s a fantasy.”

I was appalled at his statement but inwardly, in agreement too. If I were to not be politically correct, even I know I would choose a model like Candice Swanepoel or Adriana Lima over a transgender model or a plus-size model like Ashley Graham (who’s stunning, by the way!). The simple reason is catering to a larger palette- everybody wants to fuck Candice Swanepoel and only a few would want to fuck Ashley Graham. I know that’s harsh but so is showbusiness. When Ed Razek says about selling a fantasy, they know they’re not just selling the lingerie but selling it on Adriana’s body, so that everybody wants to touch her wearing it but subconsciously know, they can’t.

So yes, when it comes to beauty standards, we as a society love to pinpoint all things that are corrupting our mindset but seldom take responsibility for how much corruption stems from our own selves. We put the blame on brands and products that sell an idea, but never acknowledge the double standards we portray in our expectations of beauty. Parents, aunties, uncles, relatives, friends, peers- all of us together form this society, we pit ourselves against each other, compare by looks, weight, height, marks, thinking to soothe our insecurities by bringing the other down.

I just hope that when I share this, women and men who’ve faced similar experiences in some capacity, feel understood and realize that their worth doesn’t stem from their physical appearance alone. I know it’s hard for a teenager to understand, who’s already going through so much due to hormonal changes, but if you just hold on and don’t let these petty issues get to you, you’ll see how much more life has to offer. It takes a lot of courage to be who you are but if you do, it’ll be worth it. If not now, then someday. I promise.

Sizes And Colours: Why Is There Even A Standard For Measuring Beauty? was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

There is a sinister quality to looking back. Currently, I’m reading Gone With the Wind and yesterday, I came across a scene between Scarlett and Ashley after which I was somehow upset. I was upset because it triggered a sense of nostalgia in me. Thinking of the days gone by. Sometimes, when I look back, I’m able to appreciate how far I’ve come but even then, I don’t like that process.

Memories, good and bad, have a sense of foreboding to them. At least for me. They make me overwhelmed and before I know it, I’m tangled in a world gone by with experiences and moments that meant something yet seem hollow from the outside looking in. I feel a rush of emotion and unbidden tears come streaming down my cheeks.

Part of the reason I detest change is the collection of memories I’m forced to carry. A few weeks ago, I had a chat with my friends. After that call ended, I felt a weight on my chest as if someone had kept a pile of bricks on my heart and hammered them into my soul. Everything felt heavy, a moroseness enveloped me. I kept wondering what was it that nagged me so. It was the talk of our hostel days together in 2019. We talked of our movie nights, our surprise birthday parties, our long walks after we had our meals at the mess and our incessant worry of the future. We recalled some blissful moments, a few funny anecdotes but somehow we all acknowledged that it would never be the same. Even if we were to go back in time and be those girls worrying yet gossiping in room I-5, we won’t feel the same. Something would have changed. I’d be less cheesy and dramatic now, Aditi wouldn’t love everything Korean, Anshu wouldn’t get all giddy when I told her I read ‘Gone With the wind’, Sudipa wouldn’t think me a child and Bhupika wouldn’t think me heartbroken.

That’s the thing about memories and reminiscing of the past. We look back and hope to find solace there when we can’t see the future. I know I do. I love to act cold and cynical because there’s a price to pay for being sentimental. I’ve never seen anybody more foolishly sentimental than myself, somebody who has such a hard time letting go of things that they consciously make an effort not to be attached to anything in their life. This is how I realized I’m so much like Scarlett O’Hara (from Gone with the Wind), somebody who refuses to look back because otherwise, they wouldn’t ever look forward.

I have let go of friendships and people over time but I still have almost all the gifts I’ve received from people who knew me and cared enough to give me something to remember them by.

Even though I was born an Army brat, it was never easy to live in a place for some time and then pack and leave for the next town. Leaving means saying goodbye and there are only so many times a kid can do that, so eventually, I stopped saying it. I just packed my bag, mindlessly went through the list to see if anything was left behind, then picked up my belongings and then closed the door behind. Some people may call this toxic but to date, I follow the same routine. I first cry that everything will change, life as I know it will not be the same when I wake up tomorrow. I then accept it and move forward, without even a glance over my shoulder. This is the only way I know, the only way I can move ahead, each time the suitcase heavier with the memories collected.

Of Memories Gone By: Looking To The Future With A Bag Full Of Memories was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I got introduced to the world of Beauty bloggers somewhere around 2016. I was pursuing my undergrad and had this urge to start learning about all the products there are in the market before I start investing in make-up. Up until then, my go-to college/party/ everyday look consisted of 2 things- an eyeliner and lip gloss. Now that I look back at it, I think it was appropriate too for a 19-year-old girl.

From a very early age, I had an attraction towards one make-up product and till this day, it stands true. People who know me can take a guess here….yes, you’re right, drum-roll please….and the answer is….LIPSTICK!

At the age of 5, my father bought me a fake children’s mini lipstick after I broke my mom’s very new Lakme red bullet lipstick. If only he knew he’d have to buy me so many more lipsticks in the future!

Even though I love lipsticks, since then, I’ve had to develop an interest in other beauty products as well and honestly, I quite like it.

Just recently, my love for make-up and skincare crawled back to the surface when I started shopping for a wedding I had to attend. After lockdown, this was the first time I had the chance to go full-glam and yes, my full-glam is nowhere near the real Shaadi glam people go for.

When I used to watch Beauty bloggers like “Nikkie Tutorials” back in 2016 and 2017, it used to be primarily about make-up amongst beauty gurus/ influencers. They would promote tons of products you needed to pile on your face to get that perfect look. Through the years, I lost interest and touch with this side of the social media world but even then, I knew what was happening. The influencer world started shifting. The new “it” thing was Skincare. And it’s been growing ever since!

From the early 2000s up till now, various trends have come and gone but here are a few things that I’ve noticed have changed the game of beauty:

1. Beauty Bloggers rule the world

Beauty gurus like Nikkie de Jager from “Nikkie Tutorials, “Tati”, “Jeffree Star” are some of the biggest names when it comes to all things make-up. The thing about these gurus is that people want to hear and see what they’re talking about. Through the years, they’ve gained the trust of the viewers and subscribers that if they put their stamp on a product, then it’s sure to be sold out in a few days.

2. This leads me to the next point….awareness amongst customers aka transparency

Back in the days, regular women like me and you didn’t know or care about what they’re putting on their faces. The 90s and early 2000s was a time when Indrani Dasgupta’s fresh and plump face was enough to make Lakme’s Peach Milk moisturizer a cult product among women. Fortunately, the tables have turned. Women care enough to read the ingredient list of a product and decide basis that whether it’s worth investing in a product.

If my mom and my mausi were to have a chat about skincare, they’d probably go as far as Olay Anti-Ageing cream. When my sister and I have a conversation about skincare, we talk about Niacinamide, Hyaluronic Acid, Vitamin C, Panthenol, Retinols and Humectancts.

3. Customers want to buy cruelty-free/ vegan/ paraben-free products

Millennials and Gen-Z are apparently the woke population. I guess it’s got to do with ‘karma’ being so popular in western culture now. But whatever the reason, people don’t want to buy products that are not vegan and not cruelty-free. Vegan products don’t have paraben and sulfates in them and instead have more natural ingredients which are better for the skin, and also don’t harm the environment as they don’t have animal by-products. Your conscience has awakened too right? Now you know why people pay those extra bucks….to keep their conscience clear! Haha!

4. A shift from Make-up to Skincare

Like I said earlier, the biggest shift the industry saw was the shift in people’s attitudes towards make-up and skincare. Skincare became the base for your make-up. Earlier it used to be for celebrities but now, women advocate and understand that good skin translates to good make-up and more so, good skin means less cakey make-up.

5. The “No Make-Up” Makeup look

The introduction of the “no make-up” make-up look acted as a catalyst for the shift of focus from make-up to Skincare. Celebrities like Priyanka Chopra have endorsed this look for quite some time. The idea was to look beautiful without looking “made-up”. Clearly, the “no make-up” make-up look required women to focus on having good skin and less texture if they were going to wear sheer foundations or CC creams. Because of this trend, a brand like Glossier which wasn’t even around till 2012 has become a favorite amongst women who want a more natural finish to their face.

6. Introduction of Korean Skincare and the pursuit of the Glass Skin

Oh, my! Her skin looks so glowy and radiant. How do I get that?

In comes the parade of Korean Skincare. Koreans genetically have great skin but they also take a lot of care with their skin. Brands like Innisfree, The Face Shop and Laneige banked on the promise of the glass skin which a lot of Korean influencers were endorsing on social media and to date, their game is going strong. Hell, even I keep falling for products that promise that “glow-from-within” look!

7. Brands forced to cater to a wider range of skin tones

The one great thing that has happened is that more and more brands are researching and launching a wide range of inclusive products, especially foundations. Rihanna’s Fenty Beauty changed the game in 2017 with the launch of 40 shades in its foundation line. Since then, brands are being forced to introduce varied products to suit a variety of skin tones and textures to stay relevant.

8. Investing in Skincare/make-up is considered acceptable (especially in India) with the availability of foreign brands

The rise of the upper-middle-class has surely affected the way we spend money. Most Indians still prefer not to wear make-up on a daily basis and if they do, it’s restricted to the eyes and the lips. As Sonam Kapoor said in her Vogue Make-up video, “The dark eye is a very Indian thing cause we have big eyes and beautiful eyebrows and we always try to accentuate that and a lot of Indian girls actually don’t have to get best, like I said, there are foundations that we don’t have for our skin and stuff like that. So we just kind of accentuate our eyes because we don’t have the right skin stuff.”

But now with the availability of foreign brands in India, women have access to brands that offer tons of shades in foundations and tinted moisturizers so that one can customize it to their skin. There’s also been a change in attitude where wearing make-up is not considered superficial in our country and it’s not considered “wastage” to spend on make-up and skincare.

With the ever-changing standards of beauty, the world has surely come a long way with the demands of the consumer dictating the innovation of the products. Many home-grown and drug store brands are also catching up in the race to grab a spot in India’s vanity. As a dark-skinned Indian woman with blemishes and dark spots on my face, it makes me happy to think that I have a right to ask for products suited to my skin and not feel hesitant about it.

Beauty Through The Looking Glass: Is Less Make-up And More Skincare The Norm? was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice, Damon from Vampire Diaries, Gerry from P.S. I Love You, Captain Ri Jeong Hyeok from Crash Landing on You, Jun-hui from Something in the Rain, Landon from A Walk to Remember, Yoo Si-jin from Descendants of the Sun, Zaroon from Zindagi Gulzar Hai, Dr. Armaan Malik from Dil Mil Gayye….

They all have one thing in common.

I’ve been in love with all of them at some point in my life.

One of my friends used an interesting choice of words yesterday, “We keep changing as we change the show”. She was referring to our ever-changing love for male characters on screen. As I read this, I realized that in our world, it’s easier to love a fictional character because the ideal stays the same but the packaging keeps changing. His looks change, his eyes are not the same colour every time I see him, but he’s still the one I love.

Most people argue that fictional characters set a wrong ideal in our heads, making us miserable when faced with reality. They say our judgement gets so clouded by our favourite characters who seem perfect, that we tend to forget that they are just that, fictional. But honestly, loving these characters or rather being infatuated with these characters isn’t easy. For starters, they are nowhere near perfect. Women didn’t fall at their feet from the get-go. I mean, yeah Damon had a tendency to kill anybody on Vampire Diaries who wasn’t Elena, but that’s what makes him a character you want to love. He’s complex, loves hypnotizing people (people who’ve seen Vampire Diaries will get it), is probably the devil incarnate, but guess what, his only redeeming quality is that he loves Elena beyond measure and that means loving unconditionally. Okay and he’s totally hot as well! (By the way, Damon was my high school crush.)

As I said, the ideal stays the same but the packaging changes. This doesn’t just apply to looks but the whole archetype. While Damon attracts me because he’s your quintessential bad boy turned good guy because of love, Jun-hui from Something in the Rain is nowhere near that persona. Jun-hui is sweet, emotional, cute, supportive and most of all, the most real guy on this list. He wants a healthy relationship with someone he loves. Sounds too bland, doesn’t he? Well, my friends and I still pine over him, so he definitely has something.

I think what’s interesting here is that these two polar opposite characters serve to form a balanced ideal in my head and their combination is what makes the imaginary guy seem perfect. They both serve my waxing and waning phases in equal capacity. Damon is the fantasy for an adventure and Jun-hui is the guy for coming home.

Even though loving a fictional character is easier in the way that you control how they are and also don’t have to trouble yourself with ever seeing them in real life, needless to say, it has its downsides. It sets a high standard for real people who can never compete with a fantasy, which often leads to disappointment in reality. And as much as one might like to escape to their fantasy, one has to accept that they need to have their feet on the ground. Personally, for me, I think the bar was set so high so early in my life that I refrain from giving people a chance, knowing well that they’ll disappoint. But this also leads me to have zero expectations, so who knows, somebody might get close to the bar.

Anyway, when all is said and done, I think I’m moving on to Yu Ji-Ho from One Spring Night and Gabriel Oak from the book Far from the Madding Crowd. Don’t worry, it’s not cheating when you’re in love with two fictional characters at the same time!

It’s Character-Love, Honey! was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I have my moods and phases. I often think of myself as a closeted romantic (guess not so closeted anymore, since I talk about it in almost every single post!) but maybe I’m also a misandrist.

At first, it seemed shocking to me. I call myself a feminist but as I acknowledge that this feeling of wanting to be equal doesn’t actually stem from a want of right but instead a contempt for men. I’ve thought about it quite a few times that why is it that I’m more friendly with women. Isn’t there a pattern here? All of my closest friends are women, all of my mentors and idols are mostly women and my biggest confidante is also a woman.

Why is it that I seek refuge in a woman’s heart whenever I’m troubled? Why don’t I feel jealous or envious of the women I know? Why do I genuinely wish the best for them? And why do I feel indifferent towards men’s accomplishments? Why don’t I care about them?

It’s possible that it’s been ingrained in me that due to a long-standing patriarchal system, men can fend for themselves. They don’t need my help or my sympathy. They don’t need my support to pursue their dreams. Even now, when patriarchy is slowly but surely crumbling down, I still feel a need to beat men, a need to overpower, a need to win.

Maybe it’s because I come from a female-dominated family. Maybe because I have never known what it’s like to have a brother. Yes, my father has quite the influence in our house as the head of the house but as weird as it seems, I find myself vying for his chair (quite literally, whenever Dad can’t join us for Lunch, I love to take his seat at the dining table!).

I’ve known it all along, that underneath my shy facade lies a dangerous hunger for power and dominance. That’s precisely why I choose to cover it with shyness and introversion because if I let my soul succumb to that hunger, it can very easily lead to its demise. And that’s probably the reason for my hidden contempt. I’ve been seeing all things that I want wearing the shroud of a man, when in reality, that’s probably not the case.

So how does it work out for a die-hard romantic, who’s also straight to be a misandrist at the same time? Sadly, it doesn’t. I find it very hard to like a guy when my brain is telling me to compete with him. But like I said, I have my moods, so sometimes I give way to emotions.

The worst part about writing this is that I’ve not learnt a thing about letting go of my prejudice. I know for a fact that I’ll probably continue to think this way. I’ve often accused my guy friends and relatives of shoving their inner misogynist under the rug, only for it to be presented later in the disguise of gallantry.

So, for all you men I know and the ones that I have yet to know, if I don’t like you, just know that it’s nothing personal. You’re probably amazing human beings, just not to my liking. Don’t worry, as I write this, I’m quite aware that the feeling is mutual. Cheers!

A Romantic And A Misandrist was originally published in Autumn’s August on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.