#201 Trevor

Trevor has a birthday. I feel apprehensive as Daniel felt sad for a whole weekend after his birthday just a month after Janne died. Trevor is different though: he is as chilled as her.

The last moment when I was worried about Janne’s life before our year of nightmare was during…

#203 Lost in Translation

My sister made a trip and came back with a little souvenir for me: a book about the making of the film “Lost in…

#205 The real tragedy

I find myself every day in familiar spaces for Janne and me. I know exactly what she would say about those trees outside, about the color of the chairs, the sun and intermittent rain, the drawings on the wall or that older couple walking out of this cafe. We knew each other.

#198 Kingdom

We live on the east side of Tallinn. If I drive, I can be on the highway in minutes. One of the first signs I will see on that road is the one telling me the distance to a town called Kuusalu. And every single time I would love to call Janne to tell her that I’m on my way to her kingdom.

#207 Midsummer Day

The 24th of June is “Jaanipäev” or St. John’s Day. The evening of the 23rd is the biggest time in Estonia. Think of Easter…

#200 Liam

I tell friends when someone plays me in a movie. Jude Law plays me in The Holiday as a widower with two daughters. Denzel Washington plays…

#206 Coincidences

On a recent trip, we boarded our flight in Frankfurt. As we were looking for our seats, a flight attendant looked at me and…

#208 Favourite

I first listened to Fontaines D.C. on October 8th, 2018. The hypnotic song “Hurricane Laughter” did it. At the time, we were in…

#202 Echoes

Junk mail
arrives today
I used
to say
inevitably
“your papers!”
you laughed
unavoidably
and devoured
them all.

#199 The ghost in the back of my head

I have a record of music I have listened to since 2006. It’s logical that I was curious about what I was listening to when Janne started her job in Kuusalu. And it’s not unusual that I’ll be triggered by any music from my past.