Don’t Let Your Divorce Lead to Depression
When life doesn’t go your way, it’s easy to get derailed emotionally…especially, if you’ve had it your way all along.
When I was hit by my separation, I felt as though I was sinking into a huge bottomless pit, and I would never get out of it. My mind was playing havoc with me in every way, and I began to think I was slipping into a depression.
To make things worse, I resorted to the use of alcohol, ate excessively, and shopped even more indulgently, hoping all that consumption would fill the void.
And, when nothing helped, I went to a counsellor… I tried to discuss my problems, but with little success…
The next stop — the clinic of a psychiatrist…
Here, I poured my heart out to a person who didn’t even know me, and a person who didn’t demonstrate an ounce of emotion during the two sessions.
But, finally, she did what every doctor does…and prescribed some medicines.
I wasn’t ready to take the pills… Something inside me knew I had to combat the situation in another way. I refused to buy the medication, and decided to think deeply about what to do.
This was the turning point, when I finally took my life into my hands… What transpired after, was a life-changing experience…
I took stock of the situation
I went home and thought to myself that my body, thoughts, and emotions all have a chemical basis to it. By using alcohol, I was only altering the natural state of balance, and worsening the situation… It may be giving me temporary relief, but its after effects were far worse…
Moreover, my anger and hate only increased after alcohol.
Medication too would only add to the damage. I would get temporary relief, but the feelings inside me would not subside. In fact, I may just get addicted to that feeling as well…
So, overnight, I gave up alcohol, and any thought of medication…
I decided instead to work on myself, and all those thoughts and emotions that were consuming me.
I took to spirituality
This was my last resort. It had occurred to me in the past, to do something for my spiritual growth… But, as it happens to most of us, till we’re not knocked down, we don’t look inward and explore our inner spiritual self.
I had also read all the bad press that modern-day gurus were getting on being commercial, and so I was weary of going down that road. But, when I began certain meditative practices, it was almost like a roller-coaster ride of exploring my inner world, without the use of chemicals or any side effects.
While, I haven’t still recovered completely, and do feel the occasional pangs of separation and anxiety, spiritual practices have helped me realise that I am the one responsible for how I respond to situations… Getting into a depressed state of mind or not, is also in my hands.
By thinking the worst, I was psyching myself into believing things that which didn’t even exist, and further moving away from the truth. Through spiritual practices, I have now become more aware and involved in the present moment, and don’t let the past and future worry me too much.
Spirituality has also diminished my sense of ‘I-ness’, bringing with it greater receptivity to life’s many possibilities.
Being less rigid about your identity, makes you more adaptive to life situations, which eventually gives you more strength and calm to handle them…
I started to write
All this while, I became more reflective, and started making notes of my thoughts and emotions. The act of writing got triggered after one of my spiritual trips to Varanasi… Something within me opened up, and I knew I had to start writing in a more constructive way.
Therein began my journey as a writer… Not only was it therapeutic, but I also realised how much of what I was going through was merely a figment of my imagination, and not the complete reality. Because, the reality kept shifting every time I wrote…
Nothing in life can be concluded, as everything is constantly evolving.
This understanding further enhanced my need to write and express myself. And so I didn’t hold back… Even if I got the urge to write in the middle of the night, I woke up and did it. Sometimes, I’d get ideas while working out, and I went back home and jotted those down too.
In my writing, I soon noticed that my rational mind gave me only one perspective, while in actuality there could be many more dimensions to a situation, that our minds are unwilling to grasp.
This ability for a situation to have many meanings, gave me renewed purpose and focus… I realised I could either learn from a life situation, and become wiser, or I could let it pull me down, and feel depressed. Of course, I chose the former, and felt much better emotionally.
Memories don’t disappear completely, but their hold on your life can reduce.
I may still be recovering from the separation and its aftermath, but I am now more in control of how I respond to its effects, and how much control I give my thoughts and emotions… It is really up to us to let situations pull us down, and sink into a depression, or work on ourselves, and rise from it to look at life anew.
A large reason why people are getting swept by mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, and loneliness is their inability to envisage a life other than the current one.
But, when we step back and realise all situations are temporary and fleeting, and, moreover, not a reflection of who we are, we can distance ourselves from it, and feel more strength.
We can then feel renewed hope to create a new inner and outer reality for ourselves… One where we know that life will throw us many challenges, but we can still take them in our stride, and make the best of what life has to offer!
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