Homepage
Open in app
Sign in
Get started
The Haven
A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk
About
Yay Books!
Haven Animation
Clem Samson
Archives
Write/Support
School
Follow
FUNNY STUFF
I’m The Woke Mind Virus
I’m The Woke Mind Virus
And the richest man in the world is trying to kill me
Christine Stevens
Jul 23
You, Too, Can Enshittify Everything
You, Too, Can Enshittify Everything
Why not? This is where the money is apparently found in the enshittified 21st century.
Mike Hickman
Jul 23
How I Accidentally Became a Cat Whisperer: A Series of Unfortunate Events
How I Accidentally Became a Cat Whisperer: A Series of Unfortunate Events
The Cat’s Perspective on Chaos
Kamran Shahid Butt
Jul 23
We Republicans Have Finally Saved Women from Abortion-Crazed Doctors
We Republicans Have Finally Saved Women from Abortion-Crazed Doctors
Inside the mind of an anti-choice conservative
Anne Hammersmith
Jul 23
Kamala, Choose a Boring White Dude
Kamala, Choose a Boring White Dude
Following President Joe Biden’s sudden announcement that he will decline his party’s nomination, the Democrats find themselves in a period…
Ross Rosenfeld
Jul 23
The Dangeroussest Kitchen Appliance Ever!
The Dangeroussest Kitchen Appliance Ever!
Inspired by and dedicated to Annie Trevaskis, one of my favest writers on Medium ever!
Selena Routley
Jul 23
Trump Unifies By Alienating Everyone
Trump Unifies By Alienating Everyone
Aren’t You Glad His Traumatic Experience Has Changed Him?
David Volk
Jul 23
Trump Legally Changes His Middle Name to “Jesus”.
Trump, in an effort to improve his chances of getting re-elected to the nation’s highest political position, legally changed his middle…
Roger Freed
Jul 23
An Urban Legend
An Urban Legend
Everyone on campus knew when the Tri-Betas were menstruating, and during this time — if you knew what was best — you would avoid the…
Royal Alvis
Jul 22
Microsoft Recommends Turning Your Machine Off And On Again A Bunch Of Times To Fix Faulty…
Microsoft Recommends Turning Your Machine Off And On Again A Bunch Of Times To Fix Faulty…
I’m not even joking. Reality has officially become more absurd than comedy.
Christine Stevens
Jul 22
Never Say It Out Loud, Ranked
Never Say It Out Loud, Ranked
How to unwin friends and attract enemies
Jean Campbell
Jul 22
According to Trump(ers), Changing the Candidate Is Unconstitutional
According to Trump(ers), Changing the Candidate Is Unconstitutional
“I want my money back!”
Captain Obvious
Jul 22
Why Are Drivers Who Master Coasting Considered Experts?
Why Are Drivers Who Master Coasting Considered Experts?
Learn how to skillfully use coasting to maximize your vehicle’s fuel efficiency and extend the life of your brake pads with these practical…
Tseng yueyue
Jul 22
The Sheep, the Sauna and a Herd-oic Struggle for Freedom
The Sheep, the Sauna and a Herd-oic Struggle for Freedom
A quiet country weekend turns into a major incident
Jay Vaananen
Jul 22
Scientists: You Are Utterly Alone
Scientists: You Are Utterly Alone
The human ego is the loneliest structure in the entire universe
Clem Samson
Jul 21
Half-Witticisms of Elizabeth Emerald Volume 111
Half-Witticisms of Elizabeth Emerald Volume 111
Wise-ass comments of mine that garnered thousands of claps …(or will, as soon as I figure out how to self-applaud)
Elizabeth Emerald
Jul 21
Tourist Attraction… Reimagined
Tourist Attraction… Reimagined
Vacationer has sex with Florence’s God of Wine
Christopher Holdroyd
Jul 21
Carl’s Jr. Double Guacamole Bacon Burger Added to List of Banned Substances for Olympic Sprinters
Carl’s Jr. Double Guacamole Bacon Burger Added to List of Banned Substances for Olympic Sprinters
Properly-timed consumption can provide unfair rear thrust
John Corten
Jul 21
Chatty Kathy Wants to Talk
Chatty Kathy Wants to Talk
Not to be confused with the cute doll
Mark Tulin
Jul 21
Jelly Shoes
Jelly Shoes
Charley, Jan and I stood in a semi-circle around Johnny. It was an intervention as his falling for every fad that came his way had now…
Darren Kozol
Jul 21
Finally! The Seinfeld Reunion Show We’ve All Been Waiting For!
Finally! The Seinfeld Reunion Show We’ve All Been Waiting For!
“Jerry and George”
Roger Freed
Jul 21
Drumpf Promotes New Birther Conspiracy
Drumpf Promotes New Birther Conspiracy
”Who wants a president from a shit hole country?”
Phillip T Stephens
Jul 21
Another Reason to Shape Up
Another Reason to Shape Up
She claimed she set off alarms
Brian Dickens Barrabee
Jul 21
The Six Dates That Will Ensure Your Relationship Lasts Forever
The Six Dates That Will Ensure Your Relationship Lasts Forever
And you both turn into butterflies and fly away together hand in hand to the land of happiness and delight
Christine Stevens
Jul 21
This Job Is So Easy!
This Job Is So Easy!
My first day temping at CrowdStrike, and I’m lovin’ it!
Christine Stevens
Jul 20
The Path to The White House Is Paved With Memoirs
The Path to The White House Is Paved With Memoirs
Just don’t forget to juxtapose
Scott Christenson🌴
Jul 20
Entire World Calls on Biden to Step Down
Entire World Calls on Biden to Step Down
Biden: That’s not how it works!
Christine Stevens
Jul 19
The Avengers Are Recruiting a New Superhero. Could St Cuthbert Be The Answer?
The Avengers Are Recruiting a New Superhero. Could St Cuthbert Be The Answer?
He’s the hero that nobody asked for
J. O’Connor
Jul 19
Top Lessons From More Reading Of Project 2025.
There Really Is Something Duller Than A Republican Convention.
David Volk
Jul 19
A Stereotypical “Blonde Airhead” Was A Favorite Student of Mine
A Stereotypical “Blonde Airhead” Was A Favorite Student of Mine
Yes, teachers have favorite students
Steve Uppendahl
Jul 19
About The Haven
Latest Stories
Archive
About Medium
Terms
Privacy
Teams