Homepage
Open in app
Sign inGet started

The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

  • About
  • Haven Animation
  • Clem Samson
  • Larry Lambert
  • Archives
  • Write/Support
  • School
  • FUNNY STUFF
    Interview with The Wolf in ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’

    Interview with The Wolf in ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’

    “He kept blaming me so I thought f**k that, I might as well kill everyone.”
    Go to the profile of Calum James
    Calum James
    Jun 10
    The Pitching Style of Ron DeSantis

    The Pitching Style of Ron DeSantis

    Hard throwing fastballer or catty politician?
    Go to the profile of Speaking Fiction To Power
    Speaking Fiction To Power
    Jun 10
    Don’t Look To Literature For Answers

    Don’t Look To Literature For Answers

    Writers don’t know anything about anything.
    Go to the profile of Christine Stevens
    Christine Stevens
    Jun 10
    Women Raise Children. Men Only Ever Babysit Them

    Women Raise Children. Men Only Ever Babysit Them

    An unapologetic generalisation.
    Go to the profile of Uvebruce
    Uvebruce
    Jun 10
    Hateful Christian Nationalist Pat Robertson is Dead — A Short ‘O-bitch-uary’

    Hateful Christian Nationalist Pat Robertson is Dead — A Short ‘O-bitch-uary’

    Because Jesus taught ‘Let’s’ monetize Christianity through spreading hate and exclusion!’
    Go to the profile of Johnny Robish
    Johnny Robish
    Jun 9
    Why It Took So Long For Indictments

    Why It Took So Long For Indictments

    They Came From Florida, Didn’t They? ‘Nough Said.
    Go to the profile of David Volk
    David Volk
    Jun 9
    Dear Soccer: Please, No More Penalty Kicks

    Dear Soccer: Please, No More Penalty Kicks

    Soccer’s long-awaited Champions League final kicks off tomorrow: Britain’s powerhouse Manchester City vs. Italy’s spunky AC Milan, the…
    Go to the profile of Zach Przystup
    Zach Przystup
    Jun 9
    It’s Easy to Meet Dear Neighbors on Facebook

    It’s Easy to Meet Dear Neighbors on Facebook

    But are those friend requests real?
    Go to the profile of John Sorstokke
    John Sorstokke
    Jun 9
    Writing with a sixteen-pound cat on my lap

    Writing with a sixteen-pound cat on my lap

    My laptop sits to my left because my lap is spoken for.
    Go to the profile of Steve Hagelman
    Steve Hagelman
    Jun 9
    The Local Baseball Team Is Changing Its Name Back to The Brown Dukes After a Short Stint as The…

    The Local Baseball Team Is Changing Its Name Back to The Brown Dukes After a Short Stint as The…

    We sincerely apologize to Dukes fans worldwide.
    Go to the profile of Matthew Thiele
    Matthew Thiele
    Jun 9
    You’re Cordially Invited to Select a Gift From This Impeccably Curated Wedding Registry

    You’re Cordially Invited to Select a Gift From This Impeccably Curated Wedding Registry

    I am definitely not in need of another Old Testament bible
    Go to the profile of Katherine Shaw
    Katherine Shaw
    Jun 9
    I’m Your Kitchen at 1 am, May I Take Your Order?

    I’m Your Kitchen at 1 am, May I Take Your Order?

    So, you didn’t eat enough dinner and now you’re looking for a quick late night snack before bed? Not to worry! I, your kitchen, have been…
    Go to the profile of Zoiey
    Zoiey
    Jun 9
    Extraterrestrials I Have Met During My Psychic Travels Through Space: Pt. 1 (A-C)

    Extraterrestrials I Have Met During My Psychic Travels Through Space: Pt. 1 (A-C)

    Note: Wikipedia claims these races are all fictional. Who are you going to believe: them, or me?
    Go to the profile of R.D. Ronstad
    R.D. Ronstad
    Jun 9
    A Letter to Snapchat

    A Letter to Snapchat

    That little red circle gets me every time.
    Go to the profile of Will Anthony
    Will Anthony
    Jun 9
    Man Swallows a lot of Semen for Being Straight

    Man Swallows a lot of Semen for Being Straight

    Several of local man, Chad Hester’s friends and even some family members who know him “pretty well” had unanimously reported over the…
    Go to the profile of Mark J. Shady
    Mark J. Shady
    Jun 9
    Who’s “Richard?”

    Who’s “Richard?”

    Formal address causes confusion
    Go to the profile of Elizabeth Emerald
    Elizabeth Emerald
    Jun 8
    Life Isn’t Fair for Vertically Challenged Women

    Life Isn’t Fair for Vertically Challenged Women

    Short isn’t always sweet
    Go to the profile of L.A. Strucke
    L.A. Strucke
    Jun 8
    Why Zombies Would Make Excellent Customer Service Representatives

    Why Zombies Would Make Excellent Customer Service Representatives

    No More Hang-ups: Imagine an Afterlife Devoted to Perfecting Your Customer Service Experience. Yes, we’re talking about Zombies.
    Go to the profile of Nathan Chen
    Nathan Chen
    Jun 8
    Top 10 Ways To Not Be A Fat Bastard

    Top 10 Ways To Not Be A Fat Bastard

    Yes, you CAN win the “Battle of the Bulge”!
    Go to the profile of Spyder Darling
    Spyder Darling
    Jun 8
    Do You Want to Know the Truth about Living on a Boat? It’s Not All Sunset Cruises and Cocktails

    Do You Want to Know the Truth about Living on a Boat? It’s Not All Sunset Cruises and Cocktails

    An Insider Scoop of Living On A Boat
    Go to the profile of Ida Adams
    Ida Adams
    Jun 8
    The Saudis Would Like to Buy Your Attention Now

    The Saudis Would Like to Buy Your Attention Now

    They’re collecting the most sought after assets in the world
    Go to the profile of Bashar Salame, D.C
    Bashar Salame, D.C
    Jun 8
    My Cats’ Rules For Visitors

    My Cats’ Rules For Visitors

    If you wanna be my friend, you gotta get with my cats
    Go to the profile of Nancy Parish
    Nancy Parish
    Jun 8
    Don’t Let Poor People Steal From You

    Don’t Let Poor People Steal From You

    They are shameless.
    Go to the profile of Smillew Rahcuef
    Smillew Rahcuef
    Jun 8
    Feel Like Your Social Life is Lacking That Special Something? Try Alcohol.

    Feel Like Your Social Life is Lacking That Special Something? Try Alcohol.

    It’s not an addiction if everyone does it
    Go to the profile of Alina Schwarz
    Alina Schwarz
    Jun 8
    Alarming

    Alarming

    Megan jerked awake to the blast of the house alarm. It didn’t stop. She turned to her husband, Cameron. She couldn’t believe he lay…
    Go to the profile of John K Adams
    John K Adams
    Jun 8
    Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes Stalls Her Jail Sentence By Hiring Dwarf Actors To Portray Her Kids

    Theranos CEO Elizabeth Holmes Stalls Her Jail Sentence By Hiring Dwarf Actors To Portray Her Kids

    Low-Life and the Seven Dwarfs
    Go to the profile of Ellie Salvaje
    Ellie Salvaje
    Jun 8
    Supreme Court Outlaws Self-Pleasuring Devices

    Supreme Court Outlaws Self-Pleasuring Devices

    In a 5–4 decision, the conservative majority upholds 1873 Comstock Law making it illegal to send obscene objects through the mail.
    Go to the profile of Andrew Jazprose Hill
    Andrew Jazprose Hill
    Jun 8
    Time Is A Painter and You Are Its Masterpiece

    Time Is A Painter and You Are Its Masterpiece

    Plastic surgery and Botox would mar the canvas. Please don’t.
    Go to the profile of Christine Stevens
    Christine Stevens
    Jun 8
    Skip Happens

    Skip Happens

    Unraveling the History and Myths of Skipping
    Go to the profile of Allen R Smith
    Allen R Smith
    Jun 7
    Book Titles Adjusted for Inflation

    Book Titles Adjusted for Inflation

    Harry Potter and the Red Solo Cup of Fire
    Go to the profile of Alexis Tai
    Alexis Tai
    Jun 7
    About The HavenLatest StoriesArchiveAbout MediumTermsPrivacyTeams