Campus Crush Confessions Part Six: To Kendall and Graycie
By Abby Hansen
Here’s the deal: I have forty-five more confession submissions that have yet to be published. Now, I would hate to waste any of the content you all have submitted, so we’re going to publish a new Campus Crush Confessions article about every other day until the end of the semester — well, either that or until we run out.
A good ten of the submissions we have gotten are for the same two people. So, Kendall and Graycie, here are your admirers.
To: Kendall Oswald
What your secret admirer likes about you: “I love how much of a great person he is. He’s the funniest guy I’ve ever met, which is a plus because not many guys can deal with my humor. I love how he also includes everyone and works hard. He looks out for his brother which is sweet and is heavily stylish too.”
How your admirer knows you: “Honestly I kinda just saw him around campus and simped for him.”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “1. He’s 5 years older than me, which is the same age as his brother. But I don’t like his brother
2. We don’t know each other that well and I feel like he’d get weirded out if I asked him up front when we don’t hang out that much and I feel like I’m a stranger to him”
From: “the person who sent you the candy gram”
I have never heard anyone described as “heavily stylish” before. Is that a compliment? And five years older than you? We already know how I feel about age gaps (check out part four). I would tell you to go for it, but you are one of five crush submissions for this guy. Here’s my advice: come up with some better compliments before asking him out.
To: Graycie Pectol
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Her adorable smile, her kind heart and down to earth nature. She’s a gem inside and out!”
How your admirer knows you: “Institute”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “Nothing”
From: “Jack Harlow”
No offense, but you give compliments like my grandma. Like I am pretty sure my grandma has said the exact same thing to me.
Yup, I knew it. But there’s nothing wrong with sounding like a sweet old lady, I guess.
To: Kendall Oswald
What your secret admirer likes about you: “He’s just super nerdy and cute”
How your admirer knows you: “I know him from choir”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “I thought he had a girlfriend”
From: “Closer than you think”
“Closer than you think” is one unsettling pseudonym. You really couldn't come up with anything less stalker-ish?
To: Graycie Pectol
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Her ears”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “I’m scared she’ll say NO”
From: “Your future husband”
I have heard of people being into feet, but ears is a new one… I hope she says no.
To: Kendall Oswald
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Kendall…I’ve long been wanting to inform you of the love I have for you. You are so cute and I love your glasses. Can you please ask me out, I’ve already sent you one of these before, and I thought you would show some empathy, but now I just cry harder. I love you Kendall Oswald, please ask me out.”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “Nerves”
From: “Batman”
This sounds like a confession from that app my classmates and I used to bully each other in middle school. I think it was called “after school” or something… Did anyone else use that? Anyway, my point is you sound like a 13 year old girl.
To: Graycie Pectol
What your secret admirer likes about you: “I love her attitude towards people who watch PG-13 movies”
How your admirer knows you: “I know her from her crush”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “She’s to much like a mom”
From: “N/A”
I had some thoughts about the mom comment, but I think I’m going to keep them to myself…
To: Ig Kendall Oswald
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Idk the board told me to send this”
How your admirer knows you: “Idk I just joined the film club”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “Uhhhh I never thought to… because a bard told me to”
From: “Someone who read the board”
Since when did our school have a film club? And do you listen to everything the board tells you to do?
To: “Gracie” Pectol
What your secret admirer likes about you: “Your dedication to the gospel is so admirable.”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “I have a girlfriend”
From: “Fellow follower of the prophet”
First off, you spelled her name wrong. But you know what’s “admirable,” “Fellow follower of the prophet”? Dedication to your girlfriend. Let’s practice that.
To: Kendall Oswald
What your secret admirer likes about you:
“My beautiful, beautiful Kendall
Oh how I Iong to feel your luscious lips on mine
My desire grows for you every each and passing day
I would wait until the end of time
Until the day you ask me out
And be in your arms every night
Because in this world full of darkness
You’re the one thing that give me light”
How your admirer knows you: “I saw him only for a brief moment from across the room but he has had my heart ever since”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “He’s wayyyy to out of my league”
From: “The mother of your children”
Please, let nobody take this the wrong way, but there is no way “the mother of your children” isn’t a theater major.
To: Graycie Pectol
What your secret admirer likes about you: “graycie is so nice and cares about others! She always puts them before herself”
How your admirer knows you: “I have seen her around the cafe a few times”
What’s stopping them from asking you out: “Soon to happen Graycie!!”
From: “Pickleball class!”
Pickleball has been a theme in the submissions this semester… Let’s end this on a good note! You actually sound sweet, and I am rooting for you.
I also can’t think of anything funny to say for this one, and it needs to be published, so I hope it works out!
That’s it for part six! If you missed parts one, two, three, four, or five, click on the links below:
Campus Crush Confessions: Part One
Campus Crush Confessions Part Two: Everybody Likes…the Same Guy?
Campus Crush Confessions Part Three: Teammate Betrayal
Campus Crush Confessions: Part Four
Campus Crush Confessions Part Five: Wannabe Homewreckers
We are still taking submissions for Campus Crush Confessions; click here for the form.
