Published inSlackjaw·PinnedMember-onlyMy Mom’s Marketing Plan For My Debut NovelIf I would just write it already. — Hold a live reading in the bedding department of Macy’s Macy’s has never once held a literary event, but as a Preferred Cardholder since 1994, my mom thinks she could pull some strings. After all, it is her daughter’s debut novel (or it would be, if I’d just get started…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Jan 27, 2022Member-onlyAdvance Praise For My Food Sensitivity Journal“It will leave you guessing ‘til the very end… what is triggering Danielle’s IBS-like flare-ups?” — “A brave and unsettling exploration of one woman’s fraught relationship with dairy and nightshades. I couldn’t look away.” — O, The Oprah Magazine “Unputdownable. Full of shocking twists. It will leave you guessing ’til the very end… what is triggering Danielle’s IBS-like flare-ups?” — The Washington PostHumor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Jan 24, 2020Member-onlyInstructions For Your Upcoming Stay At My Illegal AirbnbClimb the fire escape, disable the alarm on the third floor window, and wiggle your way in. You’ve arrived! — Thanks so much for booking with me! This city is a true hidden gem, with a colorful history that includes a recent surge of unauthorized short-term rentals — a history that you now get to be a part of! …Airbnb3 min readAirbnb3 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·May 27, 2019Modern Greeting Cards For (Almost) Every OccasionI think it’s your birthday! At least, that’s what it says on FacebookBirthday2 min readBirthday2 min read
Nov 8, 2018New York City’s Top 2018 Election Jams10 Years Gone Since We Bought These Scanners That Keep Jamming by Led Zeppelin November Rain (Soaking Everyone’s Ballots And Making The Scanners Jam) by Guns N’ Roses It Takes Two Hands To Feed Your Ballot To The Scanner, Why Would You Only Use One? You Broke It! …Music2 min readMusic2 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·May 2, 2018Other Possible Relationships for Your EyebrowsFor brows that aren’t twins or even sisters — The old beauty adage says, “Your eyebrows aren’t twins — they’re sisters!” This is quite the oversimplification. Eyebrows can be so many things! They can also be nothing, like if you left a depilatory on for too long because you completely lost track of time while doing a Google Image…Women2 min readWomen2 min read
Published inThe Haven·Mar 8, 2018Frequent Thoughts While Loitering at StarbucksIs that blood? Or… blood? — This is going to be a great day! I’ll bombard my body with caffeine, and then I’ll get some serious writing done. It’s taking a long time for them to make my drink. Ugh, if I have to hear this barista call out for “Steven” one more time… LET’S GO…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inThe Haven·Jan 16, 2018Kellyanne Conway is Back with Some More Words That Rhyme!Celebrating the six-month anniversary of a simpler time with helpful flashcards “This is how I see it so far. This is to help all the people at home. What’s the CONCLUSION? COLLUSION? No — we don’t have that yet. I see ILLUSION and DELUSION. So, just so we’re clear everyone…Politics2 min readPolitics2 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·Oct 5, 2017President Trump’s Very Good Recovery Plan for Puerto Rico“How do you solve a problem like Maria?” — Look, Hurricane Maria brought an incredible amount of rain, spectacular levels of flooding, left 16 people for dead, and will go down in history as the greatest achievement of any president! I know there’s a little damage to repair. The island is flooded with nasty water, though not quite as…Trump4 min readTrump4 min read
Published inThe Haven·Jul 17, 2017I Posted on Medium Once a Year for a Year— Here’s What Happened!They say you get what you give, but I wanted to double-check — I spent much of last year thinking about posting on Medium, but I was new to the game and not so sure about the whole thing. I was suspicious. What’s this newfangled technology? …Life3 min readLife3 min read
