Eli BurnsteininSlackjawWe Both Know This Coffee Shop Has A BathroomAnd you’re going to let me use it.6d ago36d ago3
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawI’m A Few Hours Ahead Of YouGood afternoon, colleague! Or is it still the morning over there? I keep forgetting.Jun 213Jun 213
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawWhy Didn’t You Wear Tortoiseshell Glasses To My Tortoiseshell-Glasses-Only Party?Yet here you are sans tortoiseshell, with frames of what I can only assume are a crude titanium alloy.Jan 243Jan 243
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawIt’s Not (Not) Opposite DaySome people find the rules of Opposite Day confusing, but it’s really quite complicated.Jan 102Jan 102
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawCommittee Meeting Of The Oxford English DictionaryFirst up, we have the motion to merge all parts of speech other than nouns, verbs, and adjectives into a category called “little bits.”Dec 26, 20234Dec 26, 20234
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawIt’s a Flat White, You MoronIs there a lumpen head of foam at the top? No. Are there any large bubbles fucking up this masterpiece? Negative.Oct 7, 202314Oct 7, 202314
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawYour Boyfriend’s Parents’ Bathroom: A Step-by-Step GuideStrange hallways, artisanal soaps, finicky locks, and moreSep 14, 20231Sep 14, 20231
Eli BurnsteininSlackjawA Complete List of Every University in LondonYou’ll never be confused again.Jul 1, 20231Jul 1, 20231