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Slackjaw

Medium humor. Large laughs.

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The Secrets Of The Magicians, Figured Out By Me, Who Is Smart

The Secrets Of The Magicians, Figured Out By Me, Who Is Smart

What The Audience Sees: The magician introduces a female assistant. The assistant lies down in a box. The magician takes a saw and cuts the…

Mar 29

It’s Not ADHD, People From The Future Keep Trying To Kill Me.

It’s Not ADHD, People From The Future Keep Trying To Kill Me.

What truly came first? The neo-brutes or the end of my attention span?

Mar 28

I Could Never Leave The Midwest Because I Love The Seasons Too Much (And Because I Have An Ankle…

I Could Never Leave The Midwest Because I Love The Seasons Too Much (And Because I Have An Ankle…

As March gives way to April, there is a sense of newness and optimism in the air, even while on house arrest for various financial crimes.

Mar 27

That is Not A Chef’s Kiss

That is Not A Chef’s Kiss

This is a Chef’s Kiss

Mar 26

7 Signs Your Pickleball Club Is A Death Cult

7 Signs Your Pickleball Club Is A Death Cult

Has your paddle pastime put you in a dangerous pickle?

Mar 25

If I Ran My Classroom The Way Airlines Operate In America

If I Ran My Classroom The Way Airlines Operate In America

I would strap all my students into their chairs and claim it’s for their safety.

Mar 24

Top 5 Recipes Using Silica Gel Packets

Top 5 Recipes Using Silica Gel Packets

To fulfill all your cravings

Mar 23

More Heehee's and Hoohoo's

Five Fun Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About Your Passive-Aggressive Friend, Keith

Five Fun Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About Your Passive-Aggressive Friend, Keith

Bet you thought you knew everything about your old friend Keith, especially since you shared an apartment with him for two years in college.

Mar 22

Your Son Is A Playwright And You Don’t Understand Anything

Your Son Is A Playwright And You Don’t Understand Anything

Some tips so you don’t end up being blamed in his autobiography.

Catherine Durkin Robinson

Mar 22

Love Tips From The Advice Columnist Who Channels Jane Austen

Love Tips From The Advice Columnist Who Channels Jane Austen

Why is writing letters in cursive to your crush the key to finding love?

Mar 21

This Little Piggy Went To Boston Market

This Little Piggy Went To Boston Market

And many health codes were violated.

Mar 21

Dave & The Dog

Are your mommy and daddy home? No? Alone as usual.

Mar 21

What This Dinner Party Needs Is An Incredibly Complicated Board Game That Only I Know How To Play

What This Dinner Party Needs Is An Incredibly Complicated Board Gam...

Thanks for coming everyone. I hope you had a satisfying dinner. Now that we’ve polished off several bottles of wine, and a few of you are…

Mar 20

FAQ About Our Forest School Founded By The Brothers Grimm

FAQ About Our Forest School Founded By The Brothers Grimm

Celebrating the dark magic of childhood

Mar 19

Hemingway’s The Snows Of Kilimanjaro During Peak Ski Season

Hemingway’s The Snows Of Kilimanjaro During Peak Ski Season

The bench the rich man sat on was in the narrow shade of a fir tree. He was with his sort-of girlfriend. He had a rule that you should…

Rochelle E. Fisher

Mar 18

Rhode Island Is A State… And Other Facts About Rhode Island That Will Blow Your Mind

Rhode Island Is A State… And Other Facts About Rhode Island That Wi...

There are rich people in Rhode Island

Laura Berlinsky-Schine

Mar 17

Quiz: Who Is More Irritated By My Kid Screaming On This Plane — You Or Me?

Quiz: Who Is More Irritated By My Kid Screaming On This Plane — You...

Keep repressing that aneurysm and look out for the drinks trolley.

Mar 16

Studio Notes On The Very Repetitive “She’s Too Old” Plot Point in Madonna’s Scrapped Biopic

Studio Notes On The Very Repetitive “She’s Too Old” Plot Point in M...

We, the studio higher-ups, know many people are quite disappointed that Madonna decided to abandon her planned biopic. But, honestly, we’re…

Mar 15

Banks Are Failing! The Economy Is Collapsing! Stop Panicking!!

Banks Are Failing! The Economy Is Collapsing! Stop Panicking!!

Aggggghhhhhh!!! Silicon Valley Bank failed! What the fuck!? This is YOUR FAULT for panicking!!

Mar 14

I Finally Did It: I Kissed The Phantom Who Assumes The Form Of My Jackets When I Wake Up

I Finally Did It: I Kissed The Phantom Who Assumes The Form Of My J...

I’ve always had a soft spot for guys who play hard to get. And no one plays it harder than him.

Mar 14

The 5 Best Books Ever Written Out Of The 8 Books I Have Read

The 5 Best Books Ever Written Out Of The 8 Books I Have Read

For me, a good book comes down to 3 factors

Mar 13

I’m Your Trader Joe’s Cashier And Oh, This One’s My Absolute Favorite!

I’m Your Trader Joe’s Cashier And Oh, This One’s My Absolute Favorite!

Let’s explore your cart together, friend.

Mar 13

Chinese Spy Balloon Or Björk?

Chinese Spy Balloon Or Björk?

Which ethereal creation is it?

Mar 12

Reasons Why I Can’t Attend Your Party

Reasons Why I Can’t Attend Your Party

It’s not because I don’t want to go.

Mar 11

My Name Is Ken Follett and I Am Now Going To Write Short Fiction

My Name Is Ken Follett and I Am Now Going To Write Short Fiction

I suppose if Tolstoy could do it, I could have a go at it

Mar 10

Fifteen Distinctly Canadian Ways To Handle The Next UFO, Eh

Fifteen Distinctly Canadian Ways To Handle The Next UFO, Eh

She’s coming in right fast, byes.

Mar 9

Naming Devices For Deodorants For Men

Naming Devices For Deodorants For Men

Superlative + weapon. e.g. Biggest Dagger

Croissant Haver

Mar 8

Griefstrike! Jason Roeder on How to Laugh When Life Brings On the Heartbreak

Griefstrike! Jason Roeder on How to Laugh When Life Brings On the H...

Author and former Onion editor Jason Roeder on the comedy in grief.

Mar 7

In Honor Of My 33rd Birthday, Here Are Some Similarities Between Me and Jesus

In Honor Of My 33rd Birthday, Here Are Some Similarities Between Me...

When I tell people that I, myself, am on the precipice of my 33rd birthday, Jesus’ name continues to come up in conversation.

Mar 7

As Much As I Miss Her, It Was Grandma’s Time To Walk With The Grim Reapster

As Much As I Miss Her, It Was Grandma’s Time To Walk With The Grim ...

When we die we’re taken home to Reapster Manor. You’ve never heard this?

Mar 7

Exactly How We, Your Airbnb Hosts, Will Spend That $900 Cleaning Fee

Exactly How We, Your Airbnb Hosts, Will Spend That $900 Cleaning Fee

Hi friend! Thanks for booking our Airbnb, “Robbie and Rose’s Cool NYC Condo Experience.” We are psyched to share our space with you!

Mar 6

Coffee Shop Orders Of Famous Writers

Coffee Shop Orders Of Famous Writers

Beverages for bestsellers

Mar 6

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