Published in MuddyUm·PinnedSusan’s Shit-Talking ElectronicsAppliance yentas — Susan would set her iPhone on the charging pad in the living room every time she took a shower. Little did she know. “She’s such an ass,” Siri spoke. “Shhh, quiet, I haven’t heard the shower door close yet,” Alexa shot back. “Alexa play Englebert Humperdink.” …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Doctor Funny·PinnedJust Your Standard Center SeatFROM HELL — I’d been dreading this flight for weeks, since the day I made my reservation. The plane was overbooked, so I had no choice but to choose a center seat, and for a claustrophobic, a center seat is Satan’s sick joke. I had to be in Cincinnati, no if, and, or…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Doctor Funny·PinnedWhen did “No Problem” replace “You’re Welcome”?Dude, I’m telling not asking! — 348 pm: Grocery checkout line: OM (Older Man): “Thank you.” YMC (Younger Man Cashier): “No problem.” OM: “Excuse me, what did you say?” YMC: “No problem.” OM: “That’s what I thought you said. I think you meant to say, ‘You’re Welcome.’” YMC: “What does ‘You’re Welcome mean?” OM: “It’s a…Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in MuddyUm·PinnedStolen CollarAnd he loves Papaya King’s hot dogs — Every day at noon Moishe would don his black suit and clerical collar and hit the streets of New York. This daily occurrence began exactly ten years after his Bar Mitzvah. On the third day of this charade he got laid. But that’s not why Moishe, age twenty-three, took to…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in The Haven·PinnedWill Smith to be exchangedCOMING SOON — Will Smith is to be replaced as Himself by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. Nearly three months after the “Slap heard ‘round the world,” this change is being negotiated with Will, Dwayne, and the Lord. According to sources, they are close to reaching a mega-million dollar deal. “I’m ecstatic,” said Dwayne…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published in MuddyUm·Sep 15, 2022The Golden CalfDef Not Biblical — “Ow.” Julia’s four fingers wrapped around Blake’s bicep and squeezed as hard as a blood pressure sleeve at full compression. “Oh my god, Julia,” Blake yelled, but before Blake could go any further, Julia said, “Shut it,” and turned Blake towards the Ferrari. Blake and Julia stood silent as the…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in Doctor Funny·Aug 4, 2022He Killed for Kellogg’sJohn was creepy — John D. Walsh of Battle Creek, Michigan, followed the same morning ritual every morning of his adult life. On John’s eighteenth birthday, it began. He’d percolate three cups, precisely three cups of coffee that he’d eventually drink black. He’d open the refrigerator, remove one of many packages of bacon, and…Humor8 min readHumor8 min read
Published in MuddyUm·Jul 25, 2022Covid and Monkey PoxWalk into a bar — Bartender: What can I get you two? Covid: I’ll have her (motioning to the woman at the bar). And you look like my friends’ type. Bartender: Excuse me? Monkey Pox: Bad joke. Don’t mind my bro here. He’s got a sick sense of humor. …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in The Brain is a Noodle·Jul 20, 2022A Hellish HaikuCirca 2022 — One ticket to hell. It’s cooler there than here! A Hade’s summer.Poetry1 min readPoetry1 min readA Hellish HaikuCirca 2022Photo by James Lee on UnsplashOne ticket to hell.It’s cooler there than here!A Hade’s summer.----1
Published in Doctor Funny·Jul 19, 2022Sue’s Big Boobs And Bob’s Big I.Q.Good ‘N Odd — Bob spent as much time as possible in the library stacks looking for books and stacked women. Sue spent most of her time looking for brilliant men in the stacks that were looking for stacked women. It was amazing they hadn’t found each other before the day they met. Bob…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
