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That went as well as you might expect.

Me:

“What were you expecting, you dummy? How can you win by dividing? I mean a crowd is a bit like a big dog — if you aren’t afraid of it and you pet it instead of kicking it, it’ll love you. Otherwise, it’ll bite you. And, no, you can’t love half a dog and hate the other — it’s all or nothing. How stupid do you have to be not to understand that? Geez…”

Donald:

“Wow, I wish I had you around instead of my hateful advisers. I guess politics is nothing like what I expected — I got yanked every which way and manipulated into saying and doing stuff I would have never considered under normal circumstances.” …


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Regretfully, you will forever remind our hiring manager of bad sex, so don’t try to apply here ever again.

In the spirit of honesty and openness, we will not wish you sucksex (success… we mean success) with your job search elsewhere in light of you having become an unintentional turn-off. …


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Killing you all just warms his heart.

Pain is self-induced, but it needn’t be. Should you face a violent end, try seeing it from the perpetrator’s perspective of infinite adoration. …

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