Changing lanes

In the months before my bipolar 2 diagnosis I had been beginning to question what I was doing with my life — primarily when it came to my work. A few years in advertising and then moving to a global retailer had me thinking about whether I wanted to be in a world where all I did was sell things to…

The damage

My mental illness has a significant and lifelong impact on my life. It is potentially terminal, and while I was told I had depression my probability of suicide was around 5%, now with bipolar that number jumps to 25%. Plus people with bipolar are 20 times more likely to die by suicide than the general…

Six years to the day

“What colour is it? Pinot noir or Shiraz?” said the ambo trying to assess how much blood I’d lost.

Six years ago today, my life changed trajectory, a hook turn rather than a u-turn. Who knows where it would have gone if that night didn’t happen? Maybe I’d have kept…

Polar opposites

My experience of managing my mental health has been similar to being on a roller coaster. Except it probably should have been condemned because not only are the highs too high, and the lows too low - the entire time you’re on it it feels like it is going to fall apart.

Eight years today

It was eight years ago today that I decided to end my life, obviously, it didn’t quite go as planned.

Eight years since I stopped being able to think of myself as someone that is just a little more sensitive, a little more prone to ups and downs, and maybe a little less…

The day I didn’t die

It is one year today since I tried to kill myself.

On a Friday night I went home from work and decided that I wanted to die. A few hours later I was propped against the wall as my friend talked to me and told me to stay awake, that it was going to be ok and help…

A life without pretence

When my friend died by suicide 11 years ago today I was so angry at him, furious, incredulous that he could do this to people. I thought all of the things that I know are damaging to say or hear in relation to mental illness and suicide. How could he do this, he’s so selfish. He’s got…

Mind at work

Work to me, like for a lot of people has been a defining element of my identity. The other element in the last 6 years has been my mental health. The crossover between the two has often been a challenge.

The language of feelings

Mental health conversations often revolve around feelings, and for me a lot of these conversations come back to me “having a lot of feelings”.

Which I do, and which everyone does (some people just don’t realise they’re there — that’s probably not good for…