“Enough?”
Spill the T: July/Aug. 2020
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As I read through July’s stories on GftT an obvious theme emerged, the way it seems to every time I sit down to write these letters. This month it comes down to one word, one idea: enough. As in, am I enough? This theme hit home especially hard for me because recently, I’ve really been struggling with feeling not “good enough.” Like a “not good enough” Mom. Not doing enough for my kids, or teaching them — two of whom will be leaving home soon — about life out there in the real world. Not working hard enough myself, or using my time as wisely as I should. Not writing enough. Not doing enough to pull my load around the house. Not being a kind enough partner for my husband. And so on.
Hearing echoes of similar “am I enough?” sentiments across several stories in Gender from the Trenches throughout July (and now into August), I was reminded of how fragile the human condition can be — regardless of gender identity. Regardless of sexual orientation, race, religious beliefs, political stance, and everything else. Even for those who are fiercely strong. Even for those who have no trouble going against the grain of stereotypical gender roles. We all still have an innate desire to be “good enough,” whatever that means to each of us on a personal level.
Imposter syndrome is real, and it can be a beast.
I had to take a dose of my own advice and remind myself that I am enough.
I’ve always believed that most of us are doing the best we can with what we have at any given moment in time. I need to assume positive intent for myself like I do for everyone else. I need to start practicing the same level of grace with myself that I extend to everyone else. And, I suspect you do too.
Take a moment to just breathe and let these words wash over you:
You are enough. Just as you are. Just as you were. And just as you will be. You are enough.
Highlights on the theme of “Enough”
LAURA-ANN MARIE CHARLOT recently celebrated the 4th anniversary of her gender transition, and writes her thoughts on the notion of femininity as seen by society, in “Am I Girly Enough?”
“But here’s the fly in the ointment: when I look in the mirror, I see Laura-Ann, and I see the girl inside, looking out at the world through my eyes. But if I step back and look at the rest of myself, it gets a lot harder to see that girl.
With the realization that she is capable enough, Constance Rowan relays the story of her first night alone as a newly single, trans Mom in “It’s 3:00 a.m., And The Baby Is Crying.”
“I had done it; I comforted my daughter. A year of estrogen therapy has developed within me a natural maternal ability to bring comfort and affection even when the rest of me is in turmoil. Tonight, I am grateful for that.”
In “Nerd Culture Helped Me Realize I’m Trans,” Elliot Ames finds the questions — and answers — to the fundamental question, “Am I trans enough?”
“Being transgender often includes imposter syndrome. We tell ourselves we’re not trans enough. Or even worse, we tell ourselves we’re not trans at all.”
In “Enough: There Has To Be a Change,” E Holiday declares “enough” with the shame, fear, and guilt that comes with living an authentic life as a trans individual. Which, despite all the gains we’ve made in awareness, info, and resources, we still inhabit a society that doesn’t understand (and stigmatizes) trans people.
“To be transgender in the world today is to accept a lifetime of shame, fear and guilt that societal ignorance has forced upon us for something that we never chose.”
One of our newest writers, Joanna Miles, wonders about being “enough” in relationships with family & others, in the male gender role she’s played for so long. She also wonders — standing on the brink of transition — whether her authentic self will be too much, in “The Day I Say Goodbye.”
“I know there is a more peaceful inner life as the woman I am. Externally, transitioning would be bound up in chaos, for me and those closest to me whom I dearly love. Is the revealing of her true presence more than my world can handle? Because the continued denial of her is more than I can handle much longer. Is it selfish of me to take away the person my world has known for almost 60 years? Is it selfish to keep her locked away from the world?”
Social Media
Here are a few excerpts we’ve shared over social media the past month.
Be sure to follow us on social media!
GftT on social media
Now’s a great time to follow us on social media, if you haven’t already! Here’s where you can find us:
Twitter: @FromGender
Facebook: GenderFromTheTrenches
Instagram: @gendertrenches
Curated Works
Enjoy these GftT pieces from July selected for curation by Medium’s curation team:
“Why This Trans Woman is No Longer Fully Comfortable With the ‘Trans Women are Women, Period’ Trope” by LAURA-ANN MARIE CHARLOT, distributed by curators in LGBTQIA
“Your Transgender Child Needs a Therapist, and So Do You” by Zada Kent, distributed by curators in “Mental Health,” “LGBTQIA,” and “Parenting.”
“What NOT To Say To Parents Of Trans Kids… And what we’d say back, if we had the guts,” by Bridget Sampson, distributed by curators in “LGBTQIA” and “Parenting.”
I can tell you that, according to GftT’s stats as of right now (August 5, 2020), there are 8 stories in our publication (pub’d between mid-July & now) that are still being processed — meaning, not out of the running for curation! So check back often to see if your piece was selected by Medium’s curation team for distribution in topics (and across their home page, email distribution lists, social media, etc.)
A Second Look
Last month I sent an email to all GftT writers asking for links to pieces you’d like considered for “a second look.” This is a new section in Spill the T where we’ll be featuring older pieces from GftT writers (that weren’t necessarily featured in GftT) — pieces which maybe didn’t receive enough love (or eyes) the first time around. This can be any LGBTQ-related pieces you’ve written, for any publication (or no publication at all). Anything you’ve written on Medium that you’d like to get “a second look.”
If you have anything you’d like to submit for a shoutout in the next Spill the T newsletter, contact me (Martie Sirois) and let me know!
But for now, please give a second look to these 2 awesome works by Zada Kent:
“After 6 Years They’re Still Calling My Son By His Birth Name” (originally published in An Injustice!, June, 2020)
“The Name You Give Your Child Is a Gift, Not a Lifetime Label” (originally published in LGBTQueeries, May, 2020)
And this last one is a piece I wrote (sorry for the shameless self-promotion here) but didn’t include in GftT. Still, I thought it was appropriate for “a second look” because of the timing with a new school year upon us.
This piece gives advice for teachers on a few simple things they can do to make their classrooms feel more inclusive and welcoming for trans students. (Who knows whether we’ll be back in the school buildings or not, but either way, hopefully some teachers will take the message to heart.)
“How Can I Make My Classroom Trans Friendly?” A question most teachers probably don’t consider — until they have to (originally published by Martie Sirois, curated in “LGBTQIA”)
Stats
I don’t have a ton of screenshot stats to share this month (last time I had nearly 3 months worth). But here’s one that’s pretty interesting — check out that spike!
As you can see, we had an initial significant spike from July 25 to July 26, and we hit our peak for July on the 29th, when we had 1,039 views.
Also on July 29, we had approximately 841 unique visitors (above).
And finally, here’s a screenshot of the total amount of time readers spent reading Gender from the Trenches over a 30-day period: 16,019 minutes (below). You can also see that spike reflected here in the minutes of reading time, across the same few days.
Get to know…
If you aren’t familiar with Jeffrey Marsh (or even if you are), I hope you’ll take a few minutes and watch their powerful TED Talk. It’s from 2017 (TEDx Connecticut College), but still every bit as relevant today. Jeffrey (they/them) was the first openly nonbinary public figure to be interviewed on national television, for Unfiltered, and the first nonbinary author to be offered a book deal with any “Big 5” publisher, at Penguin Random House.
Jeffrey’s bestselling Buddhist self-esteem guide How To Be You, is an innovative, category-non-conforming work that combines memoir, workbook, and spiritual advice. How To Be You topped Oprah’s Gratitude Meter and was named Excellent Book of the Year by TED-Ed. In 2019, How To Be You was re-issued as a Barnes & Noble Proprietary Edition. Jeffrey has been a student and teacher of Zen for over twenty years.
Jeffrey’s spiritual and inclusive messages have received over 350 million views on social media.
Watch
their empowering Ted Talk, “I’m a genderfluid activist. Here’s how I fight back” here.
Be on the lookout for…
Lastly, something for anyone (but dibs for GftT writers): be on the lookout for another email from me sometime soon containing an invitation & link to signup if you’re interested; I’ll be offering a virtual/online/live writer’s workshop and Q&A. This will be offered to GftT writers before it opens to the general public, and will be FREE for the first 5 people who sign up!
If you aren’t currently a writer for GftT but you’d maybe like to be? Let’s talk! Read over our submission guidelines here first, and if you’d like to contribute something just let me know!
And as always, if you have an idea for something to offer GftT’s monthly(ish) newsletter, “Spill the T,” please reach out; I’m all ears!
Please take good care and be safe, be good to each other, and most of all, be good to yourself.
Til next time, live authentically ~
In Solidarity,
Martie Sirois, Editor-in-Chief, Gender from the Trenches
