I caught a rat masturbating in my closet.
Open Letter to the Picture of the Tomato and Cucumber Salad on my Box of Frozen Breaded Fish Fillets
Dear Salad,
What are you doing?
Okay, I can see what you’re doing — lying casually in the background of a picture of breaded fish.
I had already started eating before I arrived at my…
So — let’s enjoy ourselves, GOD DAMMIT!!