Your Weekly Forking 5–18–18
Another Dillicious Week at Pickle Fork!
The 10 Reasons Why I’m Not Hanging Out With You, BRIAN
Brian. Buddy. Pal. We were friends in college. Now we’re adult roommates.
That’s great. That’s awesome. It makes paying rent easier.
I’ve noticed a disturbing trend recently. Something about “hanging out more” and me being a “workaholic” and a “shut-in.”
Creepy Teen Witch’s To Do List
- Pack black lipstick into Lisa Frank pencil case
- Sketch pentagram on forearm using silver gel pen during SAT prep session
- Distress black denim jeans using rusty box cutter in moldy shower of girls locker room
We Are All 3 Inches Shorter and 10 Pounds Heavier Than We Think
Either my doctor:
a. is a complete f*cking a**hole.
b. likes playing games with my emotions.
c. thinks being a doctor is funny.
d. has outdated equipment.
or
e. is right about everything.
I really hope it’s not e.
The Miracle of Birth Seems Kinda Gross
I personally have managed to dodge The Miracle of Birth, but sometimes I can sense it licking its lips and watching me, like some sort of overly persistent sorority that wants me to trade my independence for the allure of a pink t-shirt.
Trouble in Post-Apocolyptic Paradise
by Kyrie Gray
It is well known by the last surviving 29 humans that Jacob and Jamie are the it-couple on the block. Beautiful, and relatively unscarred by the initial atomic blasts, they’ve been together 3-years (2 of those before the Earth was scorched) and we all assumed they would get married and start reproducing. But now that beautiful dream is in shambles.
