Quitting my job?
32 and single has spurred me into re-imagining my life goals. High school, college, graduate school, and through my 20s, I was always that girl with a steady boyfriend. One thing I thought I knew for sure was that I was going to get married. Now single for 2 years and well on my way to my mid-30s, I’ve started to question if I’ll ever find the right life partner. I knew it was time to change the trajectory of my life and decided I wanted to prioritize adventure and overall life contentment. So, I dug deep and thought about what my new dreams would entail — whether I found a life partner or not.
I’ve never been the stereotypical Asian girl that took the path of least resistance. No pharmacy school or banking job for me! I dreamed of helping others; I hoped to do work that was meaningful to the community around me. I tried my best to live my life with that purpose and ended up in graduate school studying policy and continued onto nonprofit work. I was ballsy (or naive) enough to apply for my manager’s position after she left, taking on a team of 10 at the age of 23. Getting bored easily, I took another position a few years later, being given the opportunity to drive the implementation of a complex mental health initiative for young children. Eventually, I landed in an executive director role, running a nonprofit with 4 sites and over 30 staff by the age of 26.
It’s now been 6 years since and although I love my work, I feel boxed in. I love this box — I’ve learned a lot, met amazing people, helped thousands of families, and continue to grow as a person. But, it’s still a box. I’ve been courted by other nonprofits, executive recruiters, and colleagues for other wonderful positions. But, nothing’s felt right; nothing’s felt exciting.
A funky fiscal issue came up at work and I thought there might be a small chance that I’d need to step down. I kept coming to this number randomly, about a 30% chance I couldn’t solve the problem, a 30% chance I’d leave my job. What would I do if this happened? My mind wandered and kept going back to this side business I worked on with 2 amazing partners. We started it about 5 years back and continued to work on it very part time. I could rent out my condo to pay for the mortgage and move to Taipei where I have free lodging and cheap food. If I had to leave, I had my Plan B in place.
Somehow, I was able to find my way to a solution. I found the dollars that I needed to make the nonprofit whole again. I was relieved — but a bit disappointed. I knew why…
I found excitement again.
The idea of transitioning the part time business to full time was exhilarating. The growth felt endless — especially while comparing it to the local nonprofit I currently run. The trajectory is nearly entirely up to me — limitations will be my own skills, courage, and dollars. Just as importantly, it fed this dream of traveling the world since it’s an online business that can be done from anywhere with internet access.
Plan B eventually became Plan A. So, here I am, after some qualitative research — chats with friends, family, and my business partners — on whether I’m totally crazy for taking this next step. I’m anxious, excited, and scared as F. Even with my many spreadsheets and clearly laid monthly fiscal targets, I can’t help but feel simultaneously hopeful about attaining these new life goals and fearful of total, utter failure. I’m constantly reigning myself back from my wandering imagination of both the best and worst case scenarios. Will I be traveling the world in a few years? Perhaps managing a team in different cities? Or looking for a new job after eating up my savings? Am I leaving behind my meaningful, but safe box of a job to face the possibility of a failed business venture?
Step by step, I keep reminding myself. One foot in front of the other. Breathe.
written on 4/23/2016
