Pilot

My Entry for the 2016 Monash Prize

I was halfway through my furious masturbation session when the woman from 15 Burkwood Street halted her yoga, mid-downward dog, and stared straight at me in the bush outside of her window.

Extreme Veganism

Taking it to the next level

The Ascending Levels of Bullshit

An Analysis of The Most Common Form of Shit

Level 1

Telling your parents that you’re doing an assignment, when in actual fact you’re wondering whether you could possibly watch two seasons…

A Timeline of My Medium Bio

• Test.
• Testing one, two.
• Testicles.
• A man.
• A man with a plan.
• The man who just read Green Eggs and Ham.
• An Australian with a…

The Cold, Dead Heart

A Short Horror Story

Jesus, Mary, Joseph

The Modern Day Version

“I swear Joseph, I didn’t cheat on you,” said Mary, the tears not so much falling now as they were flooding down her face, making large, wet blotches on her white top.

How Fucked Is the World — March Recap

A Simple Person’s Doomsday Clock

Look, it could have been a better month. That’s all I’m saying.

Proudly brought to you by: North Korea, Trump, ISIS, global warming and other things that I…

Dear Kebab Shop Man,

Mate, way too much garlic sauce in that kebab. No wonder I don’t have any lady friends, apart from that anosmatic person from university.

I will be keeping my mouth closed on the train this evening.

What Happened Last Week in Australia

Tracking the Progress of Down Under

Hi there? Is this thing on? Yep. Good. Sweet. Ahem. Pipe down up the back. Is that a post about the U.S. election? Put that away, thank you. A story about anything to do with…

Frank, My Writing Buddy

Frank is quite a large huntsman spider, and is, straight off the bat, a controversial fucker; despite his namesake…