NASA Rejection Letter

You may recall that back in March, NASA accepted applications to their 2021 class of astronauts. I’ve been dreaming…

The Wobbly Wheel Scam

Exactly one interesting thing has happened to me since the virus started: I met my first big city conman. Not socially…

Literature Review: The Monkey’s Paw

Some lessons from high school really stick you. In sophomore English, we did this unit on short stories with fucked up endings. We started with “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson — it’s about this city lottery but instead of money, the winner gets a lot of free rocks.

100% Foolproof Guide To Houseplants For Dumb People Who Think They Suck at Houseplants

The Top 5 Shows About Weirdos Searching For Gold

My one true guilty pleasure is watching weirdos on Discovery Channel searching for gold. Disc Cha knows this, so they keep cranking them out. And even though I’m ashamed to admit this, I would gladly add seven more to my weekly watch-list.

Romancing The Swan

As a culture we’re really good at white-washing history. We love talking about the ancient Greeks inventing math and democracy, but nobody ever talks about the time Zeus turned himself into a swan and fucked a lady.

Here, Let Me Ruin That For You: The Giant Island of Garbage in the Pacific Ocean

I make fun of everybody dis-equally

Hey, comics. Alex here. Quick favor: I’m gonna need you to stop saying you make fun of everybody equally, as if that makes you a hero. Your insult-communism doesn’t make you a righteous First Amendment warrior. It makes you an asshole.

The Friend Zone

I’m sick of people complaining about being Friend Zoned. Obviously it’s super misogynist to act like if you’re nice to a woman, she’s obligated to sleep with you. If you’re the kind of guy who says “friend zone”, you didn’t get friend zoned. She hates you.

How I’d talk to the son I don’t have about consent

My wife and I want to have kids at some point, so we’ve been practicing raising kids. And by that I mean watching parents and assuming we could do a better job. We are very good at this game.