The Secret to Great Sex in a Long-Term Relationship Comes Down to One Thing No One Talks About.
After 26 years together, married sex has never been hotter, kinkier or more fun than it is now. What’s our secret?
After 26 years as a couple, my wife Lauren and I are enjoying sex together, with our girlfriend Piper, and with others more than ever.
When we think about the X factor in what we have together — the one thing that makes the difference between a boring and uninspiring sex life, which apparently a lot of people have, and the fun, exciting, kinky and fulfilling sex life we enjoy — it’s really quite simple.
The X factor isn’t that Lauren’s hot. Doesn’t hurt, of course, that she is hot. It’s not that we both have high sex drives. High sex drives are nice, though. It’s not that we fuck every day. It’s not that we swing, that she’s bisexual or that we have a girlfriend we share. All of those things are great and make for plenty of excitement, but they’re not what makes the biggest difference between average and maybe even good sex and the incredibly enjoyable sex we enjoy every single day.
So what’s the X factor? It’s simple.
We laugh a lot and don’t take sex too seriously. Not taking sex too seriously allows us to have more fun with it. Seriousness and fun don’t mix. Sex is supposed to be fun and therefore it shouldn’t be taken too seriously.
Here’s an example of having fun and not taking sex too seriously (more examples below): Repeatedly slapping (read: spanking) my wife’s ass during doggy-style intercourse and asking her, “who’s your daddy, bitch?” and her responding, “you’re my daddy” is stuff we love to do and it all comes from a place of approaching sex as fun, playful and exciting and not overly serious.
Lauren and I have a saying about sex that has guided our relationship for 26 years and counting.
“Sex is entirely too important in a relationship to take seriously.”
Let’s break that down, shall we?
We believe great sex is fundamental and important to a happy, healthy marriage. A truly happy marriage or relationship won’t happen when sex is boring and uninspiring and sexual desires and needs are concealed and/or unexplored. That’s a fact.
For truly great sex to happen, both partners must be honest about their sexual needs and desires and find ways to explore and satisfy their needs and desires together. Otherwise, they run the risk of infidelity. Great sex is vital to relationship sustainability and success. It keeps the fire burning hot, a primary reason why Lauren and I have sex daily.
Sadly, many couples take sex too seriously because they take themselves too seriously. Our approach to sex is for it to be fun, playful, enjoyable, adventurous, fulfilling, kinky, occasionally goofy and sometimes downright light-hearted. We have a pledge to each other to never judge each other’s desires but rather to be open to and willing to explore them together.
Seriousness and judgment kill the possibility for great sex. If Lauren and I took sex seriously, or if we judged each other’s desires, we never would have tried anal sex, which we found we love. We never would have taken BDSM as far as we have, which has allowed Lauren to fully embrace her desires to be submissive and for me to sexually dominate her. Other examples of when not taking sex seriously has added a lot of fun:
- Lauren sucking my dick in the back of a car while we were on the way to our own wedding reception after taking our vows. Few just-married brides would do that.
- Poorly-timed quickies, which are always fun if you just say, “who gives a fuck if we’re late, someone hears us, etc.?” (Note: We’re not OK if kids hear us. That is one rule we have.)
- Ball-gagging, restraining, spanking/whipping and pounding Lauren like a little bitch. When a woman wears a ball gag and begs to be slapped around, she is completely subjecting herself to her dominant partner, which she’d never do if she was overly serious or worried about what her partner may think.
- Being very naughty when we conceived our child. I mean, making a baby should be fun, right?
- Creampie-eating. ’Nuff said.
- Trailside blowjobs. If Lauren got offended every time I asked her to suck my dick, we’d have divorced years ago. She sees sucking my dick as one of her responsibilities. Just as I see eating her pussy as one of mine.
- Golden showers. If I judged my wife for enjoying the feel of my urine on her while we shower, she might have felt ashamed and shut down. Instead, we just go with it. Besides, I love it when she squirts on me. Squirting is basically a form of golden shower.
And the list goes on.
We laugh all the time together and with Piper and our lifestyle friends. Yeah, we’re all fucking each other — banging each other’s spouses, too — but without laughter it’s no fun.
Laughter is sexy.
Remember: “Sex is entirely too important in a relationship to take seriously.”
