Dakota JamesinThe HavenRe: Ghostwriting Proposal for Book on Trump’s White House by Ex-StafferTo: [NAME OMITTED] (XXX@whitehouse.gov)May 2, 20181May 2, 20181
Dakota JamesinThe Haven2 Dead, 9 Injured After Massive Brawl in Union Square Park Over Which Studio Ghibli Film is BestUNION SQUARE, NYC — Reports confirm that earlier today a massive brawl broke out in Union Square Park around 2:35PM EST. The most recent…Apr 16, 2018Apr 16, 2018
Dakota JamesFor My Next Magic Trick, I Will Allow Myself to be Carried on the Wings of a Thousand Doves to…Where will I go on the wings of a thousand doves? A great question. The answer is anywhere else. After my next and final magic trick, I…Apr 16, 2018Apr 16, 2018
Dakota JamesinThe HavenSomeone Hacked My Facebook Back in 2009 And Sent Strange Messages to My FriendsIt’s recently come to my attention that someone hacked my Facebook back in 2009. From what I can tell, the worst damage they did was…Apr 14, 2018Apr 14, 2018
Dakota JamesinSlackjawPlease Don’t Make Eye Contact With Me While I Whisper Every Name Under My Breath to Remember YoursIt’s unbelievably frustrating that no one at this professional meetup has said your name yet. Why do I think it has something to do with…Apr 10, 20182Apr 10, 20182
Dakota JamesinSlackjawAt the End of This Haircut I Want to Look Exactly Like Michael B. Jordan in Black PantherYou said last time to bring a photo, so I did. This is a Polaroid I took during the movie Black Panther. I figured it would help if you had…Apr 4, 20182Apr 4, 20182
Dakota JamesinThe HavenRe: No More Mar-A-Lago Trips, I’m Going to Million Dollar Baby Biden’s AssTo: Donald Trump (donaldtrump@whitehouse.gov)Mar 29, 2018Mar 29, 2018
Dakota JamesinSlackjawScrew, Marry, Kill: The Expansion PackAnother addition to the game is new actions. Screw, marry, kill — what were we, cavemen? There’s so many other things we want to do to peoplMar 26, 2018Mar 26, 2018
Dakota JamesinThe HavenThis Year’s Science Fair Confirms Alligators Scariest Fucking Thing On PlanetAfter working on it for two whole weeks, 10-year old Jude Greenberg confirmed at this year’s science fair that alligators are indeed the…Mar 23, 2018Mar 23, 2018
Dakota JamesinThe HavenAfter Taking One Good Whiff, Local Sharks Decide to Pass On JaredAfter taking one good whiff, sharks local to New Smyrna Beach, Florida, decided to pass on Jared.Mar 18, 2018Mar 18, 2018