If You Don’t Pick Up Your Kids Now, You’ll Surely Regret Later.
It's never too easy to pick up your growing children (especially when they are on the cusp of becoming teenagers or in some cases even before that). Not that you can’t, but the larger issue is that they won’t allow you to.
And this is what I kept telling my wife for all these years whenever our daughter (at that time she was around 5–6 years) used to raise her little arms while walking and look towards me with those melting candy eyes as if saying — “Plsss pick me up”. No words had to be spoken, no tugging on my legs, no crying, absolutely nothing had to be done. That one innocent look with those tiny little open arms was the only invitation I ever needed to pick her up.
My wife used to give me that look with rolling eyes (nah, just exaggerating here) and used to say — “You are spoiling her too much. She will get into a habit of always wanting to get picked up when we go out for a walk. And your hands and shoulders are going to start aching carrying her all the time”. My response to her used to be “You know it's ok. She will walk whenever she wants to. Right now at this moment, she wants to get picked up and I am going to do exactly that”. As you know, not listening to your wife has its own share of consequences, and am no stranger to that :-)
Did my arms and shoulders, ache? Sure they did. Cause you know how it is — when your kid wants you to pick her/him up, they aren’t going to allow you to put them down until you reach your home or your car or wherever you are looking to go. But you know men, they don’t want to be seen as weak or made to feel wrong (that crazy ego that gets most men into trouble, including me).
So this is what I used to do, after walking some distance (and now the wise words of my wife ringing ever so loudly in my ears like an ancient church bell), I used to put her down and ask her whether she wanted to sit on my shoulder now? More often than not, that trick worked, cause that gave her a higher vantage point to look around, and most importantly she was now taller than her Mom and Dad. That’s the coolest thing for kids.
Now that she was on my shoulders, that gave my arms some relief. But only up to a certain distance. Because now, your shoulders start aching. So you repeat the cycle — put her down, cajole her to be carried again in the arms, and off we go marching to the frontlines.
The pick-me-up and the shoulder routine carried on for many years. ‘Cause somewhere deep down I knew that one day I would want to pick up my little chubby girl and carry her around, but on that day she would not want to.
She would have grown up, she would have become heavier (actually she is not), she would feel embarrassed to be picked up, and for million other reasons that invade a teenager’s mind. And I knew that day; I would feel sad. No matter how much I cajole her to allow me to pick her up, she will not allow that to happen.
And just like that one fine day, I would have lost the right to pick her up. The fun, the excitement, the pain in my arms and my shoulders, and the tight warm embrace around my shoulder, all would come to a grinding halt.
We never realize when that day will come, we cannot predict it, and we don’t even think about it many times, but when that day comes — it hits you like a ton of bricks in your face.
We start to look for answers, we feel strange about ourselves and about our kids. And the worst thing is we start to regret those missed golden opportunities (unfortunately some people don’t, but am not judging here) when it was all possible.
When your kid was just a few inches away from being picked up, and you didn’t cause you thought it would spoil her walking habits, or you were too busy talking to someone to notice (it’s happened to me sometimes), or just that sometimes it was not physically possible to do.
But now when your kid takes a step away from you when you approach to pick her/him up, all those emotions and memories start to rush through your heart and your head like a sudden avalanche. We feel nostalgic, and we start to wonder how it would feel to do it one last time.
The sad thing is — when it was time to do it, we never did it. And when we want to do it now, it won’t be allowed.
Our daughter is now 11 years old. I still feel the urge to pick her up. And like an irritating father to a smart and brilliant teenage girl, I still do sometimes. She struggles like a fish out of the water, and tries to break away as soon as she can, and starts doing her “Nooooo Nooooo — don’t pick me up, I don’t like it anymore”.
But because I don’t listen to her (yeah that’s the kind of Dad I am sometimes), within a few seconds of the tornado that she unleashes on me, she ends up wrapping her hands around my shoulder and hugging me (doesn’t happen every time though), in the same manner, the way she used to when she was a little girl.
And the warmth is exactly the same. Nothing has changed.
But something has also changed in the larger context. The change is in our approach as parents. We start believing that growing kids don’t need to be picked up or hugged often (which idiot actually said that?) and that they have outgrown that stage of life when they enjoyed being held. I strongly disagree.
The problem is not the kids, it's us — the “overthinking” and “less doing” parents of the 21st century. To think of it (pun unintended), what really stops us from hugging (or picking up if physically possible) our kids/teenagers when they come back from school/college or from a friend’s place, or just from a park?
We are the ones who hesitate and resist the urge to embrace our children as they grow up, thinking that they have grown up too. We think (see, overthinking) it’s going to be embarrassing for our children to hug them in front of their friends. Sure they don’t like it anymore. Care to think, why?
No, it's not because they don’t want it anymore. It's because we stopped hugging them as they grew up, and since we don’t do it often enough, it now gets uncomfortable for them.
Let me ask you a question here — Do you go about asking your friends or your close family members to hug you? No, you don’t, right? But what happens when that close friend actually comes and hugs you?
You might get startled for a moment, you may even hold back (that awkward moment) but when you are locked in — you do enjoy that hug and the moment. And what do you do? You hug back.
You just received the warmth of someone who truly cares for you, and you cared about that person too once upon a time (no, we are not doing fable stories here).
If it can happen to us, it sure happens to our children as well. But if you give up, they will give up too. Remember, it's a two-way street. You need to just reach out more often and pick up and hug your children. Don’t hold back. They are yours and will always remain yours.
You have earned that right with a lot of pain and sacrifices, tons of late nights, and a lot of balancing between your work and personal schedules.
Not to mention waking up on the early morning alarm clocks to get them ready for school, getting their breakfast, and lunch ready for the day, etc, etc — the day never ends and the list never ends. So when you look back at all of that, you definitely have the right to pick them up and hug them whenever you want.
You just need to bear with the karate punches for a few seconds that your kid will land on you when you attempt to pick her/him. Good luck, and pray that your kid does not break your bones. Don’t take NO for an answer.
On the flip side, one could make a strong argument that kids need their own space and we have to respect that. Sure, no denying that. However, I believe there is an appropriate time and age for all that, which warrants another article altogether (it's a WIP article and hope to release it in a couple of weeks)
As kids grow up, they actually need more hugs and embrace than we actually think. Remember they are now out in the open crazy world without your protective gaze, and there are many times when they are in doubt, trying to find their place in the crowded world, sometimes low in confidence about themselves, and many times irritated and angry, not knowing how to vent out their feelings and emotions.
Your kid might have grown up, but they still need you. They need that hug, that warmth that only a parent can provide to make them feel safe and comfortable. Just that they are not going to tell you in so many words. Come to think of it, when was the last time you told your parents that you need a hug or an embrace from them? Yeah, I guessed it right. (am guilty as charged in that department but am not perfect. I am a “work in progress” father, husband, and son).
But if they did attempt to give you one against your wishes, you might protest or hold back. But if they didn’t give up and still went ahead and gave you that warm hug — how would you feel?
So even to date, I make some very stealthy attempts to pick up my daughter. She pushes back many times, but I stand my ground and still pick her up. The initial karate punches soften up, and slowly but surely her hands around my shoulders tighten up.
There are also times when our daughter (yes, our 11-year-old daughter) will want a piggyback ride around the house. And truth be told, I absolutely love it when she asks for it (yeah I know I should be doing it more proactively).
There are times when she also wants to jump on me to pick her up. These days it's only for a few seconds, but it's absolutely worth it. She is a big kid, so her grasp is also tighter, which is a huge BONUS for me.
Did I tell you, that we also have a son and he too wants his piggyback rides after I have given one to our daughter? He is a 6-year-old Maverick (yeah, he is a mega-fan of Top Gun and knows all his fighter jets, both from the original Top Gun and the recently released Top Gun- Maverick).
He is a growing-up kid too, much faster than we anticipated.
He likes to be picked up too (no surprises here). And I am so lucky to be able to continue doing the same routines that I did with my daughter when she was almost the same age (only lighter). I am reliving the joys of carrying my son now. And boy he is heavy (as most boys are).
That’s one of the biggest motivational factors for me to “up” my fitness levels. It may sound very strange to some, but my driving factor to get fitter over the years has been the desire to carry my kids in my arms and on my shoulders (and to run and climb stairs with them).
Different people have different reasons to get fit, mine is for a very selfish reason — to feel the warm embrace of my kids around me when I pick them up. And I want to be able to pick them up for as many years as physically possible. (Sorry kiddo — you will have to bear with your father, ‘cause he is not giving up).
Even to date, when I go to pick up my kids from school at the Bus-stop (which is a few hundred meters away from our home), my son will get down from the bus and the first thing that he wants is to get picked up. I happily and proudly oblige. It's something that I look forward to every day.
And because my fitness level is exactly where I want it to be (Thanks to both my kids for that), I don’t have to flip him on my shoulders to ease off my arm. But the loud ancient bell does ring in my ears sometimes reminding me of my wife’s wise words. And like a good-natured husband, I ignore it.
Both our kids are very active runners. Our daughter is a sprinter and loves to take off, the same way a jet takes off from an aircraft carrier. And our son is a long-distance runner (yeah for his age, he can run a good mile and doesn’t like to stop at the finish line).
They both love to walk as well (all kids do). During one of our trips to Europe in 2016, our daughter who was 5 years old at that time, actually walked for almost 50–60 km during the entire trip without any fuss
She enjoyed her walks around all the places we visited, but whenever she turned around to look at me with those melting candy eyes and raised her little arms - I knew it was time.
If you have enjoyed reading this article and can connect with it, do share it with your friends who have young kids and teenagers. Don’t miss out on these golden “pick-up” moments with your kids.
Most importantly raise them up on your shoulders so that they will feel taller than you. It literally is the highest point of their walk with you.
In my publication Any Given Sunday, I mostly write stories about parenting, being a dad, motivation, fitness, and some off-beat controversial topics.
I am also very passionate about F1, and run a publication — Formula One Forever where writers from across the globe contribute to this publication
Some more thought-provoking stories from Any Given Sunday —
Dad Stories
⭐ Say Hello! To The 4 Year Old Forrest Gump
⭐ If You Don’t Pick Up Your Kids Now, You’ll Surely Regret Later
⭐ How to Extract A Commitment From Your Teenager?
⭐ That Day When Dads Took Charge Of Their Kids For 1 Day
⭐ Your Kids Need To Sleep For Atleast 8 Hours. Otherwise, The Consequences Are Quite Severe
⭐ Teachers, Stop Asking Children To Click Pictures. Instead, Do This One Thing
⭐ If a 9 Year & 4 Year Old Can Climb 69 Floors, What’s Really Stopping You?
⭐ The Real Truth About The Discovery Of The Indus Valley Civilization
Motivational Stories
⭐ If I Miss A Rep, I Punish Myself. And The Results Are Amazing.
⭐ Top 15 Quotes from The Navy Seals That Will Motivate The Hell Out Of You Everyday.
⭐ 5 Simple Reasons You Are Not Motivated, And What You Need To Do About It.
⭐ To Merely Want to Do Something Is Not Enough. You Need To Take Action.
⭐ To Earn Respect, You Have To Look Sharp
⭐ How To Manage Negative Talk From Negative People?
⭐ Making Promises To Yourself Don’t Work. Never Will.
⭐ When Disaster Strikes, Just Say The Four Letter Word.
⭐ Fail You Must. History Is Full Of People Who Failed & Bounced Back
⭐ Achieve Personal Glory By Embracing Your Challenges With Open Arms.
⭐ Why You Should Apply For A Job That Says, “Men Wanted For Hazardous Journey”
⭐ Be Different. Become Different
Off-Beat Stories
⭐ The Information Tsunami Is Sucking You In. And You Don’t Even Know It. (Part 1)
⭐ The Information Tsunami Is Sucking You In. And You Don’t Even Know It. (Part 2)
⭐ Women Should Stop Trying To Walk Shoulder To Shoulder With Men (Part 1)
⭐ Women Should Stop Trying To Walk Shoulder To Shoulder With Men (Part 2)
⭐ Women Should Stop Trying To Walk Shoulder To Shoulder With Men (Part 3)
⭐ 26 Amazing (Or Not) Things That We All Can Do During Humanity’s Downtime
⭐ Trust Your Common Sense To Beat The CoronaVirus
⭐ Why 2500 deaths/day is Creating a Bigger Panic and Emergency than 17,000 Children deaths/day?
