We haven’t posted new articles on Medium in several years, but we still get a lot of visitors to our website from people reading the articles previously posted here. We appreciate the following, and would like to stay in touch with you all. But, I don’t believe we’ll be adding to our Medium content in the foreseeable future.

If you want to stay in touch with us, we recommend joining our private (and free) mailing list — we have new content going out every month in 2019, and you can receive it by signing up here.

Thank you, and best wishes as we end one year and start another!

Jon@meditationSHIFT

meditationSHIFT on Medium was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Once a month we send out a letter to followers of this publication highlighting interesting things related to mindfulness and meditation.

We took a break form publishing new material in October — it’s a tradition, as we prepare to end one year and start another. We will have new articles next week, and we’ll recap them in next month’s letter!

We are also publishing a “Misconceptions” page — we’ve written extensively about misconceptions related to mindfulness and meditation, and this page will compile everything into an easy-to-read format documenting common myths and fallacies, and answering frequently asked questions. We will provide a link in next month’s letter, or — if you want it sooner — you can sign up to receive updates on our website.

Finally, we created an index of all our writing (100+ articles!), and broke out the most popular based on shares and recommends. You can find it all here, and you can use the new search box to find articles related to specific topics.

As always, thanks for following and have a great month!

Jon

If you aren’t already, go here to follow our Medium publication.

You don’t have to control your thoughts, you just have to stop letting your thoughts control you. Learn more.

Mindfulness in November was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Once a month we send out a letter to followers of this publication highlighting interesting things related to mindfulness and meditation.

We have a lot for you this month, starting with a new article we published here on Medium — The Zen of BoJack Horseman.

Next, we have a feature on our site called mindful musings — short posts, sometimes funny, always insightful. We recently did a series of musings on attachment:

• Five words that can change your life.
• Let go or be dragged.
• Quotes related to attachment.

And finally, we published a few new post on our blog — Why we take things for granted (and how to stop).

As always, thanks for following and have a great month!

Jon

If you aren’t already, go here to follow our Medium publication.

Want one more thing to read? Check out the most popular musing we’ve ever published — it’s short, and features a cartoon: Stop being a victim of compulsive thinking.

Mindfulness in October was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

In case you aren’t familiar with Netflix’s animated show, let’s get this out of the way — it’s about an anthropomorphic talking horse named BoJack.

He starred in a 90s family sitcom that was a hit in the same way sitcoms like “Full House,” “Family Ties,” and “Charles in Charge” were hits. Present day, BoJack is a washed-up actor clinging to his past success and trying to regain relevance by getting back into the limelight.

Sound crazy? It gets crazier.

In this world, animals and humans coexist as a normal way of life:

• BoJack’s roommate is a human who freeloads off him (kind of like Kato to O.J., though BoJack hasn’t stabbed anyone to death…yet).
• His agent is also his ex-girlfriend, and she’s a cat (a cat with a great name: Princess Carolyn).
• His “kind of” nemesis is a lab named Mr. Peanutbutter (peanut butter is one word don’t write one word).
• His love interest for part of the second season is an owl who was in a coma for 30 years (“To be fair, I haven’t had sex in 30 years. I hope.”).
• And the one who got away — who he thinks could have been his true love and made him happy — is a deer with human kids living in New Mexico with her human husband (“Kyle and the kids? Please tell me that’s the name of your band.”).

Are you still with me?

If so, put the craziness to one side because “BoJack Horseman” captures the essence of the human condition better than any show on television. This talking horse is a brutally honest and accurate portrayal of all of us, and the struggles and suffering we face in life.

BoJack can be a terrible…person. He is haunted by his childhood, which was marred by mentally abusive, alcoholic parents. BoJack himself can be mean — sometimes even cruel — and he constantly makes bad decisions driven by a huge ego and self-centered desires.

He’s not immune to screwing over his friends. He doesn’t keep promises to them, and he sabotages their efforts. But, to be fair, he usually sabotages his own efforts too.

Despite these shortcomings, you’ll probably like him. A lot. He’s easy to relate to, and you’ll no doubt see yourself in him and his actions (minus the Hollywoo(d) lifestyle, of course…unless you’re an actor).

I’ve been practicing mindfulness and meditation for more than twenty years, and teaching for 13. I’ve published over 100 articles on topics related to mindfulness, meditation, living in the present moment, and happiness. Amazingly, everything I teach and write about is represented in BoJack.

For example, he’s full of judgment — of those around him, and especially of himself:

“I have no self-control, and I hate myself.”

“I hate you, and you are a horrible person. And you not understanding that you’re a horrible person doesn’t make you less of a horrible person.”

“I need you to tell me that I’m a good person. I know I can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive, but underneath all that — deep down — I’m a good person and I need you to tell me that I’m good.”

He lives in his mind, and is constantly caught up in thoughts, emotions, impulses, and urges. Quite often they drag him down into pits of despair:

“I don’t understand how people…live. It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say, ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.”

“I want…to feel good about myself. The way you do. And I don’t know how. I don’t know if I can.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take a shower so I can’t tell if I’m crying or not.”

He’s a victim to conditioned behavior, and it seems that no matter how hard he tries to change, he slips back into it:

“The same thing that always happens. You didn’t know me, then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.”

“Am I just doomed to be the person I am? It’s not too late for me, is it?”

He has a hard time living in the present moment, because he’s either dwelling on the past or planning for his future return to fame. He doesn’t understand the concept of equanimity. He has trouble being compassionate. He labels everyone and everything. He’s attached to his opinions, the image of who, what, and how he should be, and his desire to be relevant.

But most of all, he is constantly searching for happiness “out there” — in people, places, and things. All of us fall into this trap, and I wrote about it last year — it became my second most popular article on Medium because practically everyone can relate.

This never-ending quest is summed up by BoJack and his friends in the following quotes:

“When you get what you want, you inevitably end up wanting something else.”

“You’re a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you, acting in your dream movie! What more do you want? What else could the universe possibly owe you?”

“I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast!”

BoJack is like most of humanity — we go through life never realizing that the search for happiness in external objects and circumstances is futile.

We try to find it in our next relationship, our next purchase, our next job, our next vacation — at best, these things only deliver temporary relief. Once the “newness” of external change wears off, we are back where we started. Sometimes we are worse than where started, and we try to escape reality with alcohol, drugs, the Internet, and anything else that can distract us for a while.

And, sadly, most of us believe this is just normal life.

Some of humanity wakes up and realizes the futility of this type of existence, however. And that’s the hope we hold for BoJack. At times he gets close to seeing that his suffering is self-imposed, and his happiness will never be found “out there.”

One such moment was the culmination of a storyline about Hollywood being a tar pit, and needing to get away before you sink in it. When revisiting this message with his long-lost love, BoJack asks if she still thinks that’s true. She says no, “you’re the tar pit.” And then adds the most insightful comment of the series:

“It doesn’t matter where you are, it’s who you are. And that’s not gonna change whether you’re in California or Maine or New Mexico. You know, you can’t escape…you.”

BoJack shows signs of understanding this:

• When we first meet him, he’s so self-absorbed that he isn’t even aware of his problems.
• As Season One ends, he becomes more self-aware and it seems that BoJack wants to change. He doesn’t want to be stuck in the past, re-living his glory days or dreaming about the life he could have had. He wants to be a good person.
• The beginning of Season Two sees him attempting to change. He’s listening to motivational tapes, looking to get in shape, and trying to be better. But, as the season progresses, he succumbs to more bad decisions and self-imposed suffering, with some heart-breaking consequences.

His journey is remarkably similar to the one most of us make. We want to improve. We want to be better — for ourselves and for others. We want to get off the roller coaster of ups and downs that we call normal life.

We want others to tell us that we’re good people.

BoJack is depressed. BoJack is depressing. And BoJack’s doing what we all do: trying to find a way to be ok.

So we pull for him because we see ourselves in him. If he can figure it out, maybe we can figure it out. As we watch his life unfold, it’s easy to see everything he’s doing wrong — and we know exactly what he needs to do to fix it!

BoJack is stumbling through a life-long existential crisis, and we feel that if we could just give him a little nudge in the right direction, he could escape suffering and fall into enlightenment.

He’s so close. We all are — but it’s much easier to see in others…especially a talking horse. Rarely do we see it in ourselves, though.

We don’t stop to realize we are in similar situations — we’re basically the same people doing the same things. What we see in others is also true for us. Instead of giving BoJack a nudge, we should give ourselves one.

I don’t know what the future holds for BoJack, but the second season ended on a hopeful note:

Maybe BoJack will figure it out. Maybe he’ll be ok. Maybe we’ll all be ok.

If this article resonated with you, I set up a BoJack page with links to past articles we’ve written that address his (and our) struggles.

Instruct your brain

If your nervous system is in a constant state of high alert, your quality of life will suffer dramatically. Whether it’s chronic pain, sleep problems, gastrointestinal disorders, or a plethora of other symptoms, your brain can wreak havoc on your body.

We can help you calm down your nervous system and improve your quality of life — click here to find out more.​

If you found this article helpful, we kindly ask you share it in some way.

Like this? Follow our Medium publication — Mindful stuff — for similar stories.

The Zen of BoJack Horseman was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Every week we discuss a quote or quotes that will (hopefully) resonate with you.

This week, we look at this oft-repeated quote from Mark Twain:

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”

I love Mark Twain, but given the opportunity I would rephrase this quote to say:

“Courage is acceptance of fear, management of fear, not absence of fear.”

Why accept and manage instead of resist and master?

When you resist something, you’re essentially telling it “No” by either suppressing, throwing up a barrier, or trying to change it in some way. You are denying or fighting it.

In other words, resistance is an effort to control.

This is fine if you’re dealing with something you’re actually in control of (for instance, how we choose to respond to a situation). But, we can’t really control our thoughts or emotions.

Trying to resist or control an emotion like fear will not only cause you immense amounts of frustration and disappointment, it will actually magnify its effect: instead of banishing fear and finding your “courage,” you end up indulging it and allowing it to gain a stronger foothold in your mind.

There’s also the fact that fear is, by definition, caused by resistance itself.

For example, imagine you’re about to give an important speech to a large audience. You suddenly have the thought that they will judge you, think you’re terrible, or not care about what you have to say. You might feel the beginnings of fear, but if you accept those thoughts and emotions and move your attention away from them (don’t indulge or get caught up in them), the fear won’t propagate.

However, if you resist the thoughts of possible rejection, they will multiply and become even more intrusive. There’s even a name for this psychological process. Resisting only feeds your fear and amplifies its effect on you. Give it enough attention and power, and it can become debilitating and paralyzing.

Fear is not voluntary — if it were, it wouldn’t exist! And, it isn’t something to be resisted, overcome, ignored, or mastered. It’s simply an automatic physical response that can be triggered any time you sense danger, whether it’s real or illusory, mental or physical.

As such, there’s no need to judge yourself for experiencing it. No one is completely devoid of fear, even the most courageous among us (as Twain eludes to in the original quote). But, those who find their courage don’t do so through resistance and mastery — they simply learn to accept and manage their fear successfully.

Mindfulness meditation will help you do just that. Through the awareness it brings, you learn to ground yourself in the present moment instead of letting your thoughts and emotions send you careening into the land of “what ifs.”

You learn to accept instead of resist, and to manage your thoughts and emotions in a way that allows you to remain in the driver’s seat and stay on the road to peace, happiness, and contentment.

Instruct your brain

If your nervous system is in a constant state of high alert, your quality of life will suffer dramatically. Whether it’s chronic pain, sleep problems, gastrointestinal disorders, or a plethora of other symptoms, your brain can wreak havoc on your body.

We can help you calm down your nervous system and improve your quality of life — click here to find out more.​

If you found this article helpful, we kindly ask you share it in some way.

Like this? Follow our Medium publication — Mindful stuff — for similar stories.

Resisting and trying to control don’t work — here’s why. was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Once a month we send out a letter to followers of this publication. It highlights interesting things related to mindfulness and meditation.

We have a lot for you this month! First, there is a new article on the Everyday Mindfulness site — Mindfulness: a continuous process and a way of being.

Next, we have a feature on our site called daily musings — short posts, sometimes funny, always insightful. Read the most popular musing from the past month: I want to overcome my anxiety by meditating!

Last week, we released “ARC: mindfulness for children.” Read this post to learn why and how it was created.

And finally, check Medium later this month for our new article “The Zen of BoJack Horseman.” (edit — here it is!)

As always, thanks for following and have a great month!

Jon

Want one more thing to read? Check out the most popular article on our site last month — Don’t let other people control your mood: reacting vs. responding.

Mindfulness in September was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

First, you might examine the language that describes your goal. Instead of “overcoming anxiety,” consider changing it to “deal more skillfully with anxiety.”

This is important, because if you believe you’ll completely overcome something by meditating, you’ll be frustrated at the first sign of anxious thoughts, emotions, and sensations. You will most likely judge yourself for not being successful (“I was trying to get rid of my anxiety, and here it is again. I’m a failure!”). And, you will probably lack the motivation to continue your meditation practice.

In short, the view of overcoming or “getting rid of” leads to quick setbacks, which cause you to stop your practice before you have a chance of realizing benefits.

Second, what does the word “goal” mean to you? Are you rejecting your present circumstances, driving towards a future vision of yourself, and pinning your happiness on whether or not you achieve that vision?

If you’re wishing your circumstances are different than they are, this will likely give rise to more anxiety and make your condition worse. Instead, accept things as they are. As an old teacher was fond of saying,

“It is what it is.”

I know, it’s easy to dismiss a sentiment like this — especially when you’re dealing with anxiety or other struggles. But, fully embracing “it is what it is” can lead to immediate relief if you understand it as more than an empty platitude posted on social media.

The present moment is the product of billions of years of causes and conditions that brought it into being — most of which you have no control over or any insight in to. No amount of lamentation or mental drama will change it; to the contrary, those only lead to self-created suffering. The only thing you can do, right here and now, is make mindful decisions and take skillful actions, which become part of causes and conditions that give rise to the next present moment.

Begin by strengthening awareness of what’s happening in your mind. See what your anxiety is composed of — is there doubt? Fear? Worry? What are the physical sensations? Rapid breathing? A racing heart? Tension in your neck and back?

Notice what’s there, but don’t try to fight it — simply let it be as it is. And then, move your attention away from it. This may be uncomfortable at first — we tend to feel we are “giving in” if we aren’t fighting. But, that’s not the case.

Those thoughts, emotions, and sensations are there whether you fight them or not. If you do fight them, however, you are indulging them: you are giving them fuel to persist. This fuel turns the wheel of your suffering, giving rise to more thoughts, emotions, and sensations. And, before you know it, you’re being dragged into a “pit of despair” where your anxiety, fears, depression, and other struggles completely take over.

When you let everything be as it is, however, you’ll discover things usually aren’t the problem your mind makes them out to be. And, your mind does create problems — it takes everything you experience (a sight, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought), labels it, assigns a feeling of pleasant or unpleasant to it, and weaves it all into stories that constantly play in your head.

This process conditions your behavior, and you habitually act with desire for things that deliver pleasant feelings and aversion towards things that deliver unpleasant feelings. As a result, your life is characterized by a constant state of dissatisfaction that keeps you chasing after “this” and running away from “that.” Even worse, all of this happens on autopilot — you, like the rest of us, are usually just dragged along for the ride.

But, awareness shines a light on this process, and helps take you off autopilot. You can see the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, the stories. They are part of an unfolding process, not an isolated event that looms before you, threatening your well-being. All of this mental activity is contingent on the causes and conditions that gave rise to it. And, all of it is temporary: it comes into being (arises), exists for a time, and ceases (passes)…provided you don’t allow your attention to get caught up in it. Provided you don’t indulge it, and give it fuel to persist.

How do you do this?

When you meditate, focus your attention on an anchor (usually your breath or a mantra). When those thoughts and emotions arise and you notice your attention is caught up in them, simply return it to your anchor.

Notice and return, over and over and over. You are developing the skill of observing what arises and passes without getting caught up in it. And, as you develop this skill, you can begin transferring it to your “non-meditating” time.

When you aren’t meditating (when you are going about your daily activities), focus your attention on the present moment and task at hand. When those thoughts and emotions arise and you notice your attention is caught up in them, simply return it to the present moment and task at hand.

This is how meditation and mindfulness work. You aren’t overcoming anything, you’re changing your relationship with it. You are training your attention to no longer be held hostage by mental activity. And, you’re strengthening awareness of your compulsive mind, and the aforementioned process it goes through — the process that conditions your behavior, and ultimately dictates “who you are” and “what you do”.

With practice, and the direct experience that comes from practice, you can begin chipping away at your habitual actions and reactions, and start bringing an end to the struggles your mind creates.

Instruct your brain

If your nervous system is in a constant state of high alert, your quality of life will suffer dramatically. Whether it’s chronic pain, sleep problems, gastrointestinal disorders, or a plethora of other symptoms, your brain can wreak havoc on your body.

We can help you calm down your nervous system and improve your quality of life — click here to find out more.​

If you found this article helpful, we kindly ask you share it in some way.

Like this? Follow our Medium publication — Mindful stuff — for similar stories.

Can meditating help me overcome anxiety? was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I originally published a version of this on our site as a “daily musing.”

There are many reasons people give for not being able to meditate. The most common include:

• My mind is too busy.
• I can’t sit still.
• I can’t focus (I have problems concentrating).
• I have ADHD (or anxiety, or another condition).

But, saying you can’t meditate because of these reasons is like saying you can’t exercise and eat healthy because you are out of shape and overweight.

You need to exercise and eat healthy because you are out of shape and overweight.

Likewise, you need to meditate (and practice mindfulness) because your mind is busy, because you can’t sit still, because you can’t focus, because you have ADHD.

We all get caught up in our minds. As Tolle says,

“The human condition is lost in thought.”

Tackling this issue can be a scary prospect. There’s a certain amount of comfort in the status quo, and a certain amount of fear when it comes to change — even if that change will substantially improve our happiness, health, and well-being.

We often build our identity around the problems we face. There is a fear — whether conscious or unconscious — that if we address these problems, we will lose who we are. This fear leads to indifference, procrastination, excuses, and inaction.

The good news is, these thoughts and emotions are like any other: temporary. You don’t have to get hooked on them, and you don’t have to follow them. They don’t need to affect your ability to do what you know you should do.

Notice it all as it arises — the discomfort, the belief that “I’m different and it won’t work for me.” And when you notice it, simply move your attention away and back to your anchor if you are meditating, or the present moment if you are going through your day being mindful.

Ironically, the first act of mindfulness and meditation is often becoming aware of the thoughts and emotions that keep us from doing it.

Like this? Follow our Medium publication — Mindful stuff — for similar stories.

Want to learn more? We have a free guide on mindfulness and meditation. Free means free — you don’t have to give us your email, or any of that stuff.

If you found this article helpful, click the heart icon below to recommend it so others will see it too (thanks)!

I can’t meditate because… was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Once a month we send out a letter to followers of this publication. It highlights interesting things related to mindfulness and meditation.

First, if you are looking for forums to discuss mindfulness and meditation, check out Everyday Mindfulness. There are a lot of insightful people contributing, and you can join in with questions and comments.

Next, we have a feature on our site called daily musings —short posts, sometimes funny, always insightful. I’ve republished a few of the most popular here on Medium, and I encourage you to visit and check out more.

These are the Top 9 from the past few months, and you can view a complete index here: words.

How to change your relationship with your mind.

We developed this course over 12 years ago, and it has evolved to include new information based on our research and feedback from students. We continually revise it, but once a year we do a “major” update.

We just finished this year’s update — if you are a course participant, now is a good time to revisit the information.

If you are not a course participant, read the “Course Introduction” to see if it’s right for you.

Over the past decade we’ve worked hard to create the best resource available for understanding your compulsive mind, developing a consistent meditation practice, and bringing mindfulness to your daily life.

As always, thanks for following and have a great month! Look for some new articles in this publication over the next few weeks.

Jon

Mindfulness in August was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Please note that we’re consolidating our writing on a new site. Zero cost, ad-free, spam-free. If you enjoy our writing, subscribe here to receive new articles.

I’ve noticed the following quote from Alan Watts on various social media streams lately:

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.”

This is only a snippet, however. Here is the entire quote:

“Furthermore, as muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone, it could be argued that those who sit quietly and do nothing are making one of the best possible contributions to a world in turmoil.”

It comes from Watts’ book “The Way of Zen,” and this particular passage is discussing how most people in modern society view something like “sitting and meditating” as a waste of time.

To the contrary, the usual view is things need to be fixed in our lives (and the world), and in order to fix them we need to think more and do more. Sitting and meditating doesn’t lend itself to either of those!

Watts makes this observation to support his original quote:

“Yet it should be obvious that action without wisdom, without clear awareness of the world as it really is, can never improve anything.”

The emphasis here is “clear awareness of the world as it really is.”

The average person is exposed to tens of thousands of thoughts every day, and we find ourselves at the mercy of an inner narrative that comments on, labels, and judges everything (including ourselves!). Reality gets buried under all this mental noise.

Put simply: we don’t see things as they are, we see things as our minds present them.

Or, as I’m fond of saying,

“There’s what’s happening, and there’s the story your mind tells you about what’s happening — the two rarely match.”

We all get lost in thoughts and emotions, and we all follow our minds wherever they lead. It becomes an endless cycle, and reinforces the belief that the answers to life’s problems are “do more,” “try harder,” “go faster.” But, you can’t solve the problems created by thinking with more thinking.

That’s important, and bears repeating:

You can’t solve the problems created by thinking with more thinking.

That’s why sitting and meditating is important. You are training yourself not to get caught up in thoughts, emotions, and mind-made activity. And, when you are able to consistently move your attention away from the mental noise, you create space that allows you to see reality clearly — without the filters and constructs your mind adds to it.

This, in turn, helps you be more skillful in your behavior (decisions, actions, reactions).

Another way to say it is, moving your attention away from the mental noise is analogous to leaving muddy water alone: you are left with a clear view of reality (unclouded by “mental drama” you are no longer indulging), just like you are left with clear water (unclouded by the sediment that settles to the bottom).

Please note that we’re consolidating our writing on a new site. Zero cost, ad-free, spam-free. If you enjoy our writing, subscribe here to receive new articles.

Alan Watts, muddy water, and meditating. was originally published in Mindful stuff. on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.