Olympian mindset fighting cancer — acceptance (Part 3)
“It’s so thorny to continue as usual knowing that it’s not like usual but it is. I have a few days until surgery when everything is as it used to be, may end.” I wrote to my coach who kept reminding me of my strengths.
So far I didn’t cry, still didn’t fully comprehend what this cancer situation means to me. I continued with my days, examining myself, and life from a distance. I was anticipating a day when I will return to my body and I will have to face myself.
Donjuana knew the moment she locked her eyes on me what was happening within me. Our bodies don’t lie and animals see us true. I learned this when I started training for horseback riding. Donjuana was a moody mare and never had trouble kicking me from her back when I would lose control of myself and focus on protecting her.
Maybe I became calmer or maybe she was gentler with me but from that moment our partnership aligned. Donjuana lent me her powers to feel ruling strides and flights in the jumps. After the training sweaty and thrilled I rushed into the car to escape the night’s cold. The closing doors’ sound greeted me with silence and me.
Donjuana made me forget I have cancer. The feelings of pure joy were crushed by the thought that maybe I will never have a chance to have these moments again exploded in me.
I broke down gasping for air from the cries, screams, pain, sadness, and despair. “I don’t want to deal with it!” I shouted, drowning in tears.
I finally set myself free.
Acceptance does not mean giving up. The word “accept” comes from a Latin root that denotes “to receive; as if to receive a gift.” The gift of seeing true life and this is for what I love my living.
Not the pain but the detachment crushes us.
Now, I was ready to heal.
P.S.: A few days before surgery we placed third with Donjuana in the club’s showjumping competition.
Inga Stasiulionyte, Olympian, Master Performance Coach, and sports industry consultant, shares the high-performance insights and case studies of the challenges that her clients face.
