Olympian mindset fighting cancer — summary of my learnings (Part 7)
“What’s next after the cancer chapter is over?” my coach asked.
All my life revolved around the big goals that would take many years to achieve: competing at Olympic Games, becoming a high-level recognized performance coach, building startups, organizing international projects…
For the first time, my plans could not last longer than three months, the time until my next test. With so much unknown, I got used to taking everything step by step, seeing how my needs are evolving without assumptions, expectations, deadlines, and pressure.
No more rushing anywhere. No more time constraints. I’m in the place where I should be and how I should be. No doubts about that, and that’s liberating to know. I feel content and peaceful. That feeling of unknown, powerless, and inability to control my future was transitioning to thrilling. And I like it!
“I will know then what’s next when it’s time for next,” I answered at the time.
I also wondered when the cancer chapter would end?
“Patients with stage II colon cancer demonstrated a five-year recurrence rate of 15%. Most recurrences occurred in the first two years after surgery.” OncoLink
This August, I did my tests looking for cancer. I was incredibly nervous waiting for the results. This time I felt the happiest and healthiest, and I was terrified to think that it could be all just an illusion. (Later, I realized that there are signs when something is wrong. For me, it was extreme tiredness. It cannot be something very wrong if you feel this energetic.) As I obsessively refreshed my patient history page every five minutes, the results finally showed no cancer traces.
For the rest of my life, I will be tested every six months. I am choosing to treat those tests as my path to freedom, no matter what the results say.
SUMMARY OF LEARNINGS
Normalizing a cancer diagnosis. All of us are affected directly or indirectly by cancer.
“Approximately 39.5 percent of men and women will be diagnosed with cancer at some point during their lifetime” Cancer.gov.
If detected early the treatments could be very successful and relatively easy as mine! Detection time is the essence between life and death. Regular checkups are so vital.
“The view of cancer as an enemy seems widely reinforced in society but may impede effective cancer control strategies and the adoption of preventive health behaviors.” Vrinten, Charlotte et al. “What do people fear about cancer? A systematic review and meta-synthesis of cancer fears in the general population.” Psycho-oncology vol. 26,8 (2017): 1070–1079. doi:10.1002/pon.4287
Healing starts with acceptance. To heal, I needed to accept a lot of things: me having cancer, my weak body, fragility, patience, uncertainty, death, possible consequences, accountability, me being out of control, support.
A great resource in learning acceptance practice to manage stress “A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Toward What Matters” by Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D.
Appreciating death makes life more meaningful. The kindest thing we can do for ourselves and our loved ones is to prepare for death. Living in constant fear of death limits our living, but appreciating its meaning makes life more fulfilling. Fear of death directly correlates to how alive we feel. The more we live, the less we fear death. Eros always defeats Thanatos. The question that we need to answer for ourselves: “how does love look like in death?”
“I am not saying that we should love death, but rather that we should love life so generously, without picking and choosing, that we automatically include it (life’s other half) in our love.” Ranier Maria Rilke
Inspiring resources facing death: Mettlehealth.com by BJ Miller, MD, Choosenurture by Sierra Campbell, Deathwithdignity.org, In-Q poem, Ethical Will Exercise
Fostering a strong support system. Deep and honest relationships with our family, friends, people, and most importantly, ourselves are the core of our richness of life. I am the most grateful for: my mom, my best friend Gintare, coach Dan Lange, all incredible friends who reached out with the most heartwarming support, my doctors, nurses, clients, and the Valor community.
Taking accountability for health. My body and my life are mines, and it is my accountability to take care of me. It also means seeking help and support from others but not putting responsibility for myself onto others, partners, family, friends, or doctors… (The Will to Live by Ernest H. Rosenbaum, M.D. Isadora R. Rosenbaum, M.A.)
Finding specialists that have the capacity to give more attention. We need to talk about our emotional and physical pains with specialists. These things are too complicated for us to figure out for ourselves or our family or friends to help. My surgeons were brilliant and the best in Lithuania. My first oncologist was a specialist at my type of cancer, but I felt not cared enough. The new oncologist spends a lot of time analyzing my case and schedules all my tests one year in advance. (“My spine tumor: a lesson in why we all need primary care” by Jacqueline Garavente)
Building mental, emotional, and physical resilience. What helped me the most in this demanding experience was the work I did on my mental, emotional, and physical strength during my athletic career. My incredible coaches trained me to handle difficult situations, and I can now affirm that they did a tremendous job. I had my dramatic moments during cancer treatment, but they didn’t turn into trauma. This experience was more elevating than painful. We need to focus on our health and resilience skills to be able to handle life.
Realigning with personal values. I realized that for me, the quality of life is more important than the length of living, and quality living means aligning with our values.
“The is no cancer to be afraid of but our meaning of life.”
An incredible book “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi and his wife’s, Dr. Lucy Kalanithi, TED talk What makes life worth living in the face of death).
SCARS AS JEWELS
Now, I am looking at my scars. Five cuts. They seem to be very cool tattoos of stars.
I remembered a painting by Sarunas Sauka where he painted Jesus’ wounds as jewelry, blood drops as red rubies.
I was astonished by the idea instead of being embarrassed and hiding our wounds to be proud of them and wear them as the most precious gems.
My cancer scars became my jewelry, a reminder not to have the arrogance to take my life for certain.
I don’t ever want to become arrogant in thinking that my future is certain. I was given an incredible gift of appreciating all that I have and I want to remain to have this feeling forever.
It is an ugly journey, but when you are pushed into the corner against yourself, you also gain the chance to distill the purity of meaning within yourself.
“Happiness is to be content with what you have” my aunt Zina thought me.
This experience gave me the most incredible feeling of settling in with myself and life, contentment and appreciation for the unknown and uncertain. The future is not about accomplishments and disappointments but the joy of discovering the tail of constant surprises.
This article’s chapter will mark the completion of my cancer chapter.
Please do the tests. Don’t be scared of the truth. There is so much that can be done if detected early! Speed is the essence of fighting cancer. I hope my experience can help you or someone you know.
Inga Stasiulionyte, Olympian, Master Performance Coach, and sports industry consultant, shares the high-performance insights and case studies of the challenges that her clients face.
