Olympian mindset fighting cancer — healing patience (Part 5)
Healing from surgery was ugly and messy. Painkillers took care of my physical pains but not my mental states. The tubes and fluids flowing in me and out of me. I could not move and could not sleep well. As I tried to switch positions everything started to leak from me. I felt so embarrassed, vulnerable, and weak.
Feeling the weakest
Just not long ago I saw myself with limitless abilities and now I was so helpless and ashamed of my condition. It was the first time in my life that I could not take care of myself. I completely broke down crying in front of the nurses who were trying to clean me.
I tried to remind myself that all our states, how happy or painful they are, are temporary.
I was asked to try to stand up and move around my room. Holding in my arms three fluid bags attached to my body with small steps I traveled to the window. I looked at trees, the sun and took a deep breath. It was a little glimpse of how I felt when I was strong.
My friends and family kept my moods up and my sense of humor also came back.
Why do I look so tanned? My friend asked. My body for surgery was brushed with iodine. I could not eat or drink for a week so I was about to look like a supermodel. The tubes out of my body made me an interesting bionic woman. My friends regretted that I didn’t do breast enhancement surgery together with cancer removal so there would be a visible benefit. I had to stay in the hospital until my digestion started working properly. It was a too funny thing to pray for.
I spent only a week in my hospital room but it felt like an eternity. As I returned home the long journey of healing was about to start. But the only thing I could think of was having homemade ravioli and coffee.
Healing patience
The same day when I returned from hospital I put a beautiful dress on. Even though it covered just cleaned fresh wounds from the surgery I pretended that nothing happened. I coached my clients and gave interviews. I wanted so much to feel normal again as soon as possible.
I went for a walk in the forest where I always run. I just wanted to try to run slowly and it was clear that I have not recovered yet.
I thought if I pretend to be healthy I will heal faster. However, pretending would also mean ignoring something that needed the most now — attention.
“It is not the time to compete but to be complete. At first, you have to be alive. You are in the right place with things falling into their place,” my friend messaged me.
To heal and become strong again I needed to accept that I am a patient now and to learn what patience is.
“How would I approach this problem if I were given a hundred years to solve it?” Dr. Allan Hamilton, Professor of Neurosurgery
Suffering comes from not accepting the current state we are in. Suffering comes when we don’t look for a source of our pain. Suffering comes from the desperation of what we don’t have now. Suffering comes when we concentrate on things we have no direct control over. Acceptance means giving proper attention to the problem to solve it.
“The paradox is that the more I hurry, the more time I waste, and the only way to hold on to it is to slow myself down. When I remember all the harsh utterances I wish I could take back, the anger I wish I had swallowed, the days lost to frustration and rage, I can imagine nothing more practical than to gain greater equanimity in the face of adversity. Shakespeare wrote: “How poor are they who have not patience!” When we are patient about seeking change within ourselves, then it will come quickly. Rushing causes delays. If you want to do something quickly, then quickly slow down.” Dr. Allan Hamilton, Professor of Neurosurgery
Often we are driven by how many things we would like to accomplish and experience. However, what is the meaning of the number of things we accomplished but never had a chance to enjoy them? Are we chasing for quantity or quality of experiences? Quality experiences demand a complete indulgence with our essence into what we do at the moment as time completely disappears.
“Either we give this all the time in the world, or we stop this second.” Dr. Allan Hamilton, Professor of Neurosurgery
Inga Stasiulionyte, Olympian, Master Performance Coach, and sports industry consultant, shares the high-performance insights and case studies of the challenges that her clients face.
