Yapjaw: No Parents Allowed!

Adam Dietz
Slackjaw
Published in
4 min readFeb 7, 2024

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C/O Troy Doetch

Slackjaw readers and patrons of comedy, my name is Adam Dietz and I am the editor of Slackjaw’s monthly newsletter, Yapjaw. Each month, I will showcase the best and brightest humor on Slackjaw in addition to some other cool stuff from equally cool spots.

Comedy writers, here’s a question for you: Do your parents give a rat’s ass about your work? My parents are compassionate, enthusiastic, and wonderful people, but, in truth, they could not give less of a shit about my comedy writing. Now, my work is nothing special—definitely a quantity over quality situation—but how are they not even the least bit curious about what I’m putting out there? I mean, I wrote an entire piece about my dad being awesome at horseshoes just so he would read it and I don’t think he ever read it. In fairness, nobody else read it either.

On this week’s edition of Yapjaw, we’re talking turning 54, Cat Stevens, and making the bed. Want the goods? Keep reading!

Great Work From Other Great Places:

Does Cat Stevens’ “The Wind” Belong On Your Movie Soundtrack? by K. Adam Bloom in Greener Pastures Magazines

Image by Yusuf/Cat Stevens

Don’t Be Alarmed, This Rollercoaster Is Designed to Get Stuck Upside Down for 75 Minutes by Kurt Zemaitaitis in Points In Case

From The Slackjaw Editors’ Desk:

To Show You How Much I Appreciate You Letting Me Stay At Your Home, I Kind Of Made The Bed by Adam Dietz in Slackjaw

Photo by Cassidy Dickens on Unsplash

Can A Man Defeat A Gorilla? by Alex Baia in Slackjaw

Editor’s Note:

Here’s a draft of a piece that I can’t seem to hack, so I am giving it away. If you think there’s anything there, steal it. Do what I couldn’t seem to do: Make it funny.

I’m A Billionaire And I Think Store-Bought Coffee And DVDs of the television show Boston Legal Are A Tremendous Waste Of Money

In a CNBC interview, Shark Tank’s O’Leary expressly said that store-bought coffee is “such a waste of money.” He then referenced the fact that coffee can be made at home for pennies, at which point you can put it in a travel mug and bring it to work if you happen to report to an office.

As a billionaire, people often come to me for financial advice. They’ll approach after speaking engagements, on the street, and sometimes even during my children’s sporting events and ask me how I came to accumulate my great wealth and if I have any advice for them as they pursue wealth. When asked the second question, I inevitably smile because I know that the advice that I am about to give them is not something that they’ll like. But I say it anyway, for their own good. If you want to be as rich as me, you’ve got to stop going to fancy coffee shops and buying $5 cups of coffee when you can brew it at home for much cheaper. You also need to stop buying DVDs of the television show Boston Legal. Allow me to explain.

The Final Bell:

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Spread the word, comment below, tell your friends. Keep reading, writing, drinking, eating, and doing your thing.

Until the next edition of Yapjaw, take it easy.

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Adam Dietz
Slackjaw

Comedy writer with work in McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Points in Case, etc. Editor of the Yapjaw newsletter.