Daily Tasks that put Victims in Danger and How to Stay Safe
“My favorite thing to do is stand outside and stare at you,
Kroupa said he can’t remember how many times he changed his phone number, and yet, the messages kept coming."
Jennifer Quesnel, a mother of three on Salt Spring Island, was ambushed and shot by her abusive estranged husband in June 2020 after she had left him.”
-The Tactical Victim-
It’s a Mindset, a New Way of Life 🔒
This post will likely explain why I use the above statement with the lock. Your life changes completely, when you’re in constant danger.
Many say “you shouldn’t have to”:
-change your number
-move to a new city
-live in fear
however, those people also aren’t dealing with the risk you are.
(There are many more stories than the ones I listed above, that highlight why people like us, need to modify so much).
Our day to day decisions need to change, be modified so we can hide and also thrive.
Here are a list of day to day tasks that terrified me and sometimes still make me nervous.
I’ll include the risk, as well some potential solutions I do myself or you can for yourself.
Important Definitions: OPSEC
is, Operational Security:
This is what really keeps you safe in the short and long run;
-How you think
-How your process your decision making
-How you weigh the risks and benefits
-Your awareness of information is shared, connected and so forth
OPSEC Principles at Play in this post
a. Less is Better
-Give out less information whenever and however possible, while remaining legal
b. Layers
-This creates physical or digital distance and make it harder for you to be found (ie, changing phone numbers and emails, when you change cities).
c. Options Principle
-Google can be your best friend, corporate competitors products can help you too
-Each option may have its benefits and drawbacks
Helpful Tip: You can use AI to Come up with Options:
-The DV/Stalking Victims Short Guide to Perplexity and ChatGPT
Perspective Post:
A New Life and New Precautions
After experiencing Domestic Violence and Stalking, you become fearful and or much more careful when doing everyday and basic tasks.
You realize, you took all these tasks for granted and now, they are what can get you found.
I decided to write just some of them down, to offer perspective for therapists, law enforcement and non-victims.
These are most of the one I can think of, I’m sure there's more.
Before any of these tasks, many of us have to think twice, slow down, and come up with a basic “what if” consequence list, and then a new way, of doing these things.
-That last part, is OPSEC too
Broad based Precautions in Short: For Day to Day Tasks
-Ask the first employee, whats necessary and what privacy options there are, then, still ask for a manager or higher.
-Ask where the information goes/is stored
-In general, always ask to speak to the highest available person available.
-Read the Fine Print, look at the Settings, then the Security and Privacy Settings and policy (apps, technology, browsers)
-Look Up all your Options
-Give yourself more time to make what you think will be a simple decision or task
Giving out your email and phone number
Concern:
OPSEC- Most people attach their social media account to their number (which populates when you give your number to that person), also, major carries attach your address to your number too.
Many use their full name in their email, making it easy to learn more about you.
Solutions:
- OPSEC Your Email: Hide your name (applies to rest of the services below)
- Google Voice: Give this out instead for texts and calls
- OPSEC Your Pre-paid phone
Just Using Apple Store-Google Play Apps
Concern:
Data Leakage that gets into the hands of data brokers and third party vendors, which puts your information online.
- Even though you’re using a prepaid phone, the second you enter your name, address and other information for one of those apps, their ability to locate you for ads and marketing occurs.
- they can now send your information to other business to send you ads and, eventually this can reveal your location online.
Partial Solution:
- You can download them, just don't use your real information while logging in, or using them.
Some Exceptions: Bank App (click on for data removal requests options), Car Insurance App (provided you’re using a secondary address),
Online Tools that May Help reduce information leakage:
VPN’s, Ghostery, DeleteMe
Online Tool Limitations:
They cant fix an opsec mistake like creating a Facebook account with your real name though, or posting your real name on a forum, despite your forum account being a different name.
That will likely lead back to you and your location.
Restaurant Reservations and Paying
Concern:
Maybe your only a city away (go farther if possible), and afraid they have a friend that works there.
Solutions: use a different name, or the name of one of your friends your meeting up with there
Pay in cash (the receipt will show your name).
Going to the Hospital*/Doctor
Concern:
Filling out all the forms, worry if the abuser victims the hospital.
For help: ask what you can leave blank, ask how private it is, explain the basics of your your situation
Potential Solution: *You can make your name private and not show up if you’re at the hospital.
These systems are quite secure otherwise.
Mechanic
Concern:
Maybe your only a city away and afraid they have a friend that works there.
Solution:
Use a different name, or say it’s your buddies car (call and ask if bringing in a friend’s vehicle is allowed).
-Go to a farther city too.
Buying a Vehicle or Apartment Rentals
Concern:
You can’t use loans anymore, as it is very easy to find you.
Apartments require to much information as well and will get you found too.
Solutions For Vehicles:
You have to use cash to buy cheaper but good condition used cars.
-Craigslist
-Car Apps
-Facebook Marketplace (but you cant use your real name, or else it will be easy to find you)
Solutions For Apartments:
-Craigslist
-New friends/co-workers in the new city that might have a room for rent
-People at the local church
-Newspaper Ads
Also, Airbnb:
(yes, it requires a state ID, but, you may need to use this before you find a final place to stay)
Domestic Violence Shelter:
If you’re a guy/identify as a male, it will be much harder to get in.
There’s less room for men.
(It was too hard for me, so I gave up on the idea of getting into one).
-Some DV Shelters have apartments where you can live at, which only have a number to identify you. You do have to qualify though.
Again, start looking online for all your options.
Hotels
Concern:
If you’re worried they will be calling around Hotels looking for you
Potential Solutions:
You can put a privacy/warning note with some hotels and even a different name to add a layer, that to hides your real one, with at least some hotels.
Explanation to staff:
Just tell them your ex is giving you alot of problems.
-It doesn’t always help to get into details about your specific situation.
→Just saying you have a “crazy ex”, will likely be the best way to get the result you want, which is to be safe and private.
Getting a Bank Account
Concern: Mailing to your old address and other concerns per your data.
Solutions: Data Opt Out
Solutions:
You have to use your real name, but you can
opt out of the “sharing your data with 3rd party venders” and request they eliminate as much data about you as possible!
-Look on their website in the fine print and ask about it in the branch.
Address Risk:
Also, make sure the address you provide, is not your home address, it has to be a Private mailing address, or maybe a virtual business/mail box address, can sometimes work, maybe an office address.Let your bank know, get to know the banker and see how they can help you.
Online Bank Account:
-I need to do more research on this, but, google this too.
Related Articles:
-with multiple related articles attached at the bottom of it
Jobs
Concern:
This all requires you to fill out your name for tax and legal purposes.
So far, I haven't had too may problems with this, its a necessary doling out of information.
But there’s some steps you can take to limit the information you share.
For the background Check:
Some jobs also require a background check.
(I never give my Drivers License for these, because that tells my state, and city information. I also ask, what is absolutely necessary and whats not).
For Payment:
Use direct deposit and make sure your bank is set up to send electronic notifications only (like emails).
Potential Problems with Those Bank Cards
-Using one of those debit cards they provide you with, requires another bank to open up an account on you.
Another account may allow more 3rd party vendors to have access to your information.
The Less accounts, the Less Information that's out there about you, the better.
Anything Online (No More of alot of your online shopping and fun)
I will need to work on how to use amazon/ebay/Online shops
However, I think…..a prepaid debit card, a no name email, no name profile (I’m not sure if that’s possible..so maybe a business name?), a private mailbox (that forwards your mail), may…help with this
Concept:
In the picture below, there's so many trees, bushes, paths.
→You want to create your own digital and physical forest, that is difficult for others to navigate.
Concern:
Using business’s online often requires your to share information with them, which they are often allowed to give to other businesses.
There are websites which will list this information that your stalker/abuser may be able to see, even if you get rid of your social media.
Quick Examples:
NO MORE-Online Forms, surveys, google reviews, insta-cart, grub-hub
Concept:
Ideally, there would be no way to get from one platform to the next. The picture below though, shows how hard it would be too.
-No More Shipping, deliveries, packages (I need to look into how to do this)
— anything that needs to be shipped, needs to be sent to a secondary mailing address, ideally without your name.
Stores (home depot for the wood for your fence, office supply stores), again, use a fake name
BE CAREFUL with Dating Apps
(they require location and name/number/email, and collect data/I formation from your phone*)
- having a pre-paid cash phone, not registered with your information, MAY help with this..along with the other (INFOSEC and OPSEC) measures I mention in this and above articles.
- Just remember, anytime you enter your real information, it can and likely will be shared, which can allow it to end up online.
NO Prizes, Contests
- Don’t enter, you wont win anyway.
- The only surprise may be a visit from someone who is trying to harm you a few months later.
NO Credit Cards, Customer Loyalty Programs, Discounts
- No, unless you can legally use a different name and your email and number, isn't tied to your real name!
Voting/Registering Your Political Affiliation
This becomes public information and some victims choose to relinquish this right, to stay private.
-Mail Box Services
(Most anonymous I have found is using a post office as a temporary address. Virtual mailboxes however, are one of the best. Some work for banks, some dont.)
Warning:
There are still areas i don’t cover in my blog, that I can’t help you with yet.
Being aware of your weak points, vulnerabilities is critical to your long term saftey.
Look below to some of what I don’t have covered.
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Thank you all for your support.
-The Tactical Victim-
It’s a Mindset, a New Way of Life 🔒
